difficult child 3 - not tactful!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Marguerite, Sep 20, 2007.

  1. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    On Tuesday difficult child 3 & I went shopping and took mother in law (Grandma) with us. It was a bit awkward, trying to fit everything in. I had a doctor's appointment late morning, then difficult child 3 had his drama class in the afternoon. Trying to juggle it all and all the driving I'd need to do (a drawback of living in such grand isolation) made it easier to just bring difficult child 3 with us. mother in law came along because she also is isolated since moving near to us, so I compensate by helping her get to the major shopping centre.

    It was a long day and we were tired. I got difficult child 3 to help me carry mother in law's things in to her kitchen and then she gave me a big hug. difficult child 3, already halfway out the door, came back to her for a hug and said, "How can I leave without getting a lovely big kiss and hug from my grandma?"
    Grandma was touched - this was a lovely gesture, totally unprompted. Then difficult child 3 continued with, ..."besides, I never know when it could be the last time!"

    Now mother in law is getting rather frail, she has even been talking about how her days are numbered, but this was a bit of a shock - these kids can be VERY blunt sometimes!

  2. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Oh I am so sorry and at the same time I feel your pain.

    difficult child 2 went around about six months (I tried eeryhing but duck tape to stop him) asking people when they died if they would leave them this or that.

    Most people took it in stride but others just looked not at difficult child but at us like what were we teaching him that he thought like that (of course these are the same oblivous people that don't understand difficult children to begin with).

    It is one of those things that makes you sit back and shake your head wondering.

    Again sorry he said it to grandma (mother in law).

  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Please, Marg - I'm sorry but I'm dying here. :rofl: Social skills & appropriate conversation tend to be a challenge for many of our "little wonders".

    Weren't you just dying? :faint: :nonono: :smile:

    wm would ask my then 96 y/o grandpa when he died if he (wm) was in the will & how much money would he get? :crazy2:
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Luckily, because mother in law lives so close and we're in each other's pockets so much, she knows to not take it personally. husband (when I told him) said it probably snapped her back to some sense of balance, given her maudlin manner at times lately, especially since her recent stint in hospital. Her mood hasn't been helped by her VERY maudlin brother in law telephoning her from Queensland and saying, "I do think this could be the year we lose you. I do worry about you, so lonely down there and still trying to be independent," and more. He's a real joy, that man. Whenever she's doing well, he gets depressed. He seems to be taking some sort of dark delight when people are sick.
    Then difficult child 3 says what he did. Great. But we had to laugh. mother in law did say to difficult child 3, "Oh, thanks! [sarcastically] Do you think I'm in such bad shape?"
    And I replied, "Well, he does have a point - he could get hit by a bus."

    difficult child 3 knew I was joking, I made sure of that.

    And as we headed for the gate and were out of earshot of Grandma, I did say to him, "Darling, that was a bit tactless."

    He replied, "Yeah, I realised that - after I'd said it."

    So he IS learning.

    I did tell mother in law to make sure she tells this one to sister in law when they have their next long phone conversation. She can dine out on this one.

  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Geez Marg, with a "cheerleader" like her brother in law, that must be really encouraging for your mom-in-law! If that was me, I'd be desperately trying to get better, just to spite him!

    I have a really good friend at work who is the nicest man on earth! He has two kids of his own and has raised his selfish, self-centered, spoiled, greedy stepson like his own since he was a small child - he's in his early 20's now. In the last few years my friend has been having heart trouble - a mild heart attack and three different surgeries to have stents put in. During one of his frequent hospital stays he was recovering from surgery, sick as a dog, and stepson came to visit him. Stepson leaned down very close to him, seemingly full of loving concern for this man who had raised him as his own since he was a little boy, and tenderly whispered, "If you die, what do I get?"
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What a sweetie that he realizes he needs to appreciate his loved ones because you just never know. Yeah, keeping that in his head would have been more polite!

    He is a sweetie though!
  7. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    In a conversation with friends, I was trying to be philosophical and made the statement that "When you think about it, everyday we are just one step closer to the end". It popped out before I even thought about it. How depressing am I? So blunt statements are not reserved only for difficult children......we undiagnosed difficult children, 50+yr old, menopausal, ......you get the idea......can come up with the maudlin mouth too.....

    I liked the comeback about difficult child getting hit by a bus.......
  8. Marg,

    I just so touched that he wanted the big, lovely kiss. Wow! That is soooo sweet. As you can tell from my response, neither one of my boys have ever been that affectionate. The second shoe dropping, was well, the truth for all of us - but one we usually don't like to think about. The rules about speaking the truth/not speaking the truth are all so incredibly complicated and shift from time to time, situation to situation. I can identify because I have trouble with them myself :smile:
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The funny thing is, it was mother in law who kept saying, every time she saw him, "I love you, difficult child 3." As a result, SHE was the one he first said, "I love you," to. And I didn't mind because she had earned it. I had thought she was wasting her time saying it, because his receptive language back then was so poor.

    The thing is, they CAN be very affectionate, as long as they have choice. I often ask difficult child 3 for a hug but I rarely grab him and hug him, he would push away. He will come to me and give me a spontaneous hug, though. And it's down to Grandma, who started it all.

    It's funny it was her, though - she was maybe the last in the family to accept there was anything wrong, other than bad parenting. She STILL tries to correct his behaviour in ways I feel is too harsh. But he does love Grandma. And now he's older and his language has caught up, we know he understands love.

  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It really is very sweet that he wanted to be sure to give her a hug and say he loved her. Agreed not too tactful to add the last part but at least Grandma understood.
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    That is so precious. Gramma knows his heart. I'm sure that his honesty is appreciated by her. You have a special little man there, M.