difficult child-A asked for help

[Mom2oddson]

He wants into rehab and wants our help getting in there. We did all the paperwork today. Next Thursday will be the one-on-one evaluation to see if he can get inpatient care.

This doesn't look like a game either. He looks like he really wants this and is scared that a) he won't get in and b) that if he gets in he'll fail.

Paperwork was easy.... now if he will stay at home and away from his friends until then. But he looks like he's about to crawl out of his skin or cry or both.

Could use some board strength sent his way. Thanks.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Praying that this a true turning point for him... hope the time till next Thursday passes quickly and uneventfully. Hugs.

 

[DDD]

Could be a real pivotal moment in his life and yours. Fingers crossed that he is truly ready. DDD

 

[dashcat]

sending hugs and prayers

 

[KTMom91]

More hugs and prayers going out. Hope there's a place available soon.

 

[katya02]

Sending support and encouragement to both of you. I hope he does get in, and hope this is his turn upward.
If he's in withdrawal, does he have any medications to calm him down? He may need something if he's been
drinking and has stopped cold in the past few days.

 

[missy44]

I'm praying that he's ready for this. It's a long road, but such a wonderful sign that he's asking for help...

 

[DammitJanet]

crossing fingers

 

[Mom2oddson]

So far so good. He's staying home or spending time with friends that are clean and sober. He's being honest with us and himself. And he wants into a place even if he has to be there for Christmas because he knows himself well enough that if he waits, he's afraid he'll change his mind.

It's hard though for my Mommy heart to hear some of this stuff. He's been into a lot of drugs and serious ones since the 8th grade. And he's regretting throwing away the last 6 years of his life. He's mad at himself because he can't get that time back. But, one of his good friends who's stood by him through the last 6 years reminded him that he has the next 60 to make up for it. So far....I've got hope.

It's so scary though. Hope and Ant have never been a good combination before. Oh, and when he gets out of rehab he wants to do job corp to study to be a nurse. He's even talking about college.

 

[toughlovin]

Gosh that sounds hopeful!!! My son has been in rehab about 60 days now and he does not sound as clear as your son. I am in fact worried about how serious he really is about sobriety given that he wants to come back and live in the same area and i think hang out with his old friends. Of course he did not go to rehab totally willingly but was court ordered.

I think one of the things that is hard for them, and for us, is the wasted years. I feel so sad for my son for all the good stuff he missed. He went to his junior prom in 11th grade with his then very nice girlfriend. They had such a blast, that I felt terribly sad when the senior prom came around and he could not go. (By that time he had been expelled and would not have been allowed to go even if he had wanted to). It just made me ache and when I think of his peers going off to college it makes me so sad.... but like your sons friend said, they have the rest of their life to look forward to.

 

[Mom2oddson]

Toughlovin, I know the pain of seeing rehab not work. We have both sides of this coin. difficult child-S was in the same spot 1 1/2 years ago. She ended up as an inpatient because she had attempted suicide (or at least told her psychiatrist that she had tried). Never once during the inpatient or outpatient times, did she show signs of change. She said all the right words, but never had the actions, plus she kept failing UAs. When her counselor told her the next failed UA would mean inpatient again - she ran away. And let's not forget that the 48 day inpatient place wanted her to do 4-6 months at a place that specialized in BiPolar (BP) and Borderline (BPD). They were seeing signs of a personality disorder. But, now the girl is living with her grandmother. She's remarkably cured from BiPolar (BP)/Borderline (BPD) - just went away when she walked thru mother in law's door. Same with her drug addiction. Even though the week before she told the counselor that she would not quit doing drugs and there was nothing they could do.

It's heartbreaking to watch one of your children throw their life away. It's like watching a runaway train and knowing there is nothing you can do to help stop it. You just have to hope that there is a chance of survival after it crashed.

So, because of Steph, I do have hope for Ant. He's really showing all the actions of someone that wants to change. He's asked husband to take him to an AA meeting this weekend. He's been on sober sites and has been writing down saying that he thinks will help him. The one that he has starred is "I didn't get into trouble everytime I drank, but everytime I got into trouble, I was drunk." He's thinking and that is a good sign.

 

[toughlovin]

Thanks Mom2oddson.....It sounds like you have reason for a lot of hope. We have reason to have hope too, although i am at this point very cautiously optimistic. We have a family conference by phone on Monday morning and I think that will probably give us some more data. I am not sure what is going to happen in that conference. We may start talking about next steps since he will be done with 90 days in the middle of Jan. My sincere hope is that with the help of the therapists there that our son will make some good choices and hopefully rethink his ideas of coming back to this area. I just think relapse is much much more likely if he comes back here even if he doesn't live at home. It is just hard to know how much of this he is doing because he really sees that his drug use is a problem, or if he sees being caught doing dumb stuff as the problem.

 

[witzend]

Fingers crossed for all of you.