difficult child...a pain in the neck!!!

[insanemomoffour]

I am at whits end. Just don't know what else to do. It has been about 2 months since I was last on here. Since then difficult child had a 10 day stunt at the local mental hospital. He had been off his medications because he is 18 and doesn't need them anymore. He has been acting a butt! Defiant, lying,stealing,sneaking...you name it, I can claim it. Anyway, he has been back at the house for 3 weeks and getting him to tak ehis medications is a daily challenge. Don't know if what our irritants right now are serious enough or what. Sneaking on the internet by plugging the cord coming from the wall into his lap top, masterbating and leaving the towels that he uses on my bedroom floor, sneaking food and when you ask him a question no matter how small and minor, he defaults to a lie. I can't afford to keep food in the house for the rest of my children when he is sneaking and eating whatever it is he wants! I guesse I am gonna have to start locking food in the refrig in my garage. stinks for the other 3 kids. Why can one child/teen totally throw the whole house in an up roar?

 

[Momslittleangels]

I posted an answer for you in General as well, but since difficult child is 18, you have the choice of having him take his medications, or he can no longer stay in your house. Your other kids deserve to live in peace and you do not have to put up with lying, stealing and defiant behavior. After my difficult child got out of the hospital, I threatened to send her back if she didn't take medications, so she took them. You can threaten to throw him out of the house, but would have to be willing to follow through.

 

[Suz]

MLA is exactly right. Ditto what she said. My only caution: don't make empty threats. If you say he has to follow the rules or he's gone...you have to be strong enough to do it if you have to.

No one deserves to live under the tyranny of an unstable difficult child.

Suz

 

[witzend]

Ditto with the others. If he's old enough to decide he doesn't want to take medications, he's old enough to understand he'll need to find somewhere else to live. You have to be strong enough to follow through, though. Otherwise you will be ten times worse off than you are.

 

[Hound dog]

Yep. I have to agree. At 18 you can't force him to do anything. The only thing you can do is not let him run amuk. If that takes telling him to shape up or find somewhere else to live......it's hard I know, but then that is what it takes. You and the other kids deserve some peace. That's not going to happen if difficult child refuses medications, follow house rules, and such.

It's all up to him now. He either has to want it or not. It stinks, but like it or not he's a grown up now. Even if he still acts like a kid.

(((hugs)))

 

[katya02]

Yep, at 18 he can make those decisions about medications, but he has to live with the consequences. If he finds out there are real consequences for not taking them he may (or may not) make some better decisions. In any case, you do not have to stand for an adult running amok in your home, nor do you have to lock up all the food (have been there done that and refuse to do it again), nor should your other three kids suffer for deliberate behavior on your difficult child's part.

I would suggest talking out options and working out a plan with your husband, possibly with the input and support of a family counselor. A contract that spells out house rules, along with consequences in black and white, and a plan to follow through, can make a huge difference. But as others have said, it's the follow-through that's essential.

 

[GoingNorth]

Another thing to consider--leaving the towels with the results of his 'emissions' in your room could be a form of sexual aggression. I'd advise being very careful.