difficult child a pain in the ***!!!!

[insanemomoffour]

I am at whits end. Just don't know what else to do. It has been about 2 months since I was last on here. Since then difficult child had a 10 day stunt at the local mental hospital. He had been off his medications because he is 18 and doesn't need them anymore. He has been acting a butt! Defiant, lying,stealing,sneaking...you name it, I can claim it. Anyway, he has been back at the house for 3 weeks and getting him to tak ehis medications is a daily challenge. Don't know if what our irritants right now are serious enough or what. Sneaking on the internet by plugging the cord coming from the wall into his lap top, masterbating and leaving the towels that he uses on my bedroom floor, sneaking food and when you ask him a question no matter how small and minor, he defaults to a lie. I can't afford to keep food in the house for the rest of my children when he is sneaking and eating whatever it is he wants! I guesse I am gonna have to start locking food in the refrig in my garage. Sucks for the other 3 kids. Why can one child/teen totally throw the whole house in an up roar?

 

[smallworld]

Since your difficult child is now 18, you might want to get responses from the folks over at the Parent Emeritus forum. Many have been in your shoes and can share their experiences with you. You can either post over there yourself, or I'm happy to move this post for you.

 

[alongfortheride]

My first thought reading your post was...pot. Have you tested him recently?

 

[insanemomoffour]

No we haven't had him tested but already think that is a factor. Just don't know if knowing matters. I am just feeling like there is no options even though I know there are, I keep hoping he will wake and have an aha moment.

 

[Momslittleangels]

You have options - - - either he takes his medications or he can no longer stay in your house. He is an adult now and you do not have to take this anymore. I wish you the best.

 

[GoingNorth]

His behavior is way beyond "normal" for a man of his age. Not only that, I think in IN that you can evict him at 18, but would need to give a thirty day notice.

Also, you cannot force drug testing on him at his age. You could try to make it a condition of his continuing to live at home, but I don't know what good that would do.

Is there a good, sound reason he HAS to live at home?

 

[susiestar]

You do NOT have to tolerate this. You CAN make him leave. Or set conditions for him to live at home and let him know the consequences.

If he stays at home then you need to put locks on your bedroom, garage, the other kids rooms, and keep them locked if you are not IN the room. Lock any cabinets you can, even put a chain around teh fridge in the house if you want/need to.

Since you suspect pot use, you can make drug testing AND showing you the results a condition of him living at home. Same for medications AND for signing releases to let you know what is going on at each appointment, for you to sit in on all doctor appts and discuss things, and any other medical thing that goes on.

As you decide what to insist and what to ignore, call the dept of human services and ask for transitional help for an 18yo who needs to leave his parents home. Ask what services he is eligible for.

Since you have 3 other kids at home, ALL of whom are watching difficult child's antics and figuring out what all they want to do and can or cannot get away with, it would be good to address this as soon as you can get a good plan together.

Remember that if you are using you are dealing. It is the rule with pot and other illegal drugs. If he is doing ANY dealing using your home, cars or other property, the police CAN seize the property and refuse to let you have it back. With 3 other kids you want to be VERY CAREFUL in what messages you send to difficult child about this.

I hope things get better soon.

Hugs.