difficult child all over the place.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Feb 2, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    kt was such a pill all weekend......one whine or complaint after another. Nothing was right in her world (her world went from a toddler to a 23 y/o & everything in between). It was ugly to watch.....uglier to deal with.

    Finally around 4 yesterday afternoon she screamed out what I knew was going on all along......."I want daddy back". And she broke down & sobbed. It took several hours to calm her ~ she needed to cry however I didn't want her to escalate to hospitalization. And we were headed that direction.

    I'm going to have to get kt to talk or just ask for a hug anything that helps her through these moments of anger & grief. It's overwhelming ~ I'm second guessing what I know is really going on because she denies it left & right.

    kt doesn't want to make me sad by talking ~ I'd rather talk when she's sad & angry but calm than deal with yesterday afternoon.

    I'm a broken record; it's okay to talk. I'm sad, angry, in disbelief, you name it, just like you are kt. Please please use your words.

    I haven't found a bereavement group for adolescents that will fit into either of the tweedles schedules. Neither of them do well in outings after dark.

    Ick.......I'm just hating this for my children.
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. I wish they had a bereavement group that fit into their schedules. Instead of a group, would it work to call a local hospice and ask if they could get a bereavement counselor to work one on one with the tweedles at a better time? I am sorry she had to get to the eruption point, but at least she did let it out eventually, and thankfully you steered things in such a way to avoid hospitalization.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohh, poor thing.
    I'm glad she finally told you what was on her mind. I am so sorry.
  4. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    I'm so sorry, Linda, it is so hard to deal with grief when you throw a difficult child into the mix! My 3 kids all reacted differently when their dad died. My son, who was 12, basically just kept it all inside and still does at age 24. difficult child 1 got worse than ever and all the "experts" attributed all her problems to her dad's death even though she had problems before he was even sick. difficult child 2/easy child is only now processing it--she was 5 when he died and I thought she was handling it very well but now she is 17 and having to re-grieve I guess.

    I am so sorry for both you and KT! This is so difficult, sounds like you are doing all the right things though.

  5. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Oh, poor thing!!! I am so sorry for all of you. I would imagine this is hard on them and even harder on you as you not only have to grieve yourself but you are forced to watch your children's pain as well. My heart goes out to all of you. I hope you are able to find an appropriate group for the kids soon. What about you? Are you seeing someone to deal with all of this?

    You all are in my prayers. Hang in there, as time goes by it will get easier for all of you. :)
  6. I am so sorry. I know first hand how hard this is. Does any of the people that already work with her have any suggestions. I didn't get therapy for my kids right away - they were both adamantly against it. I told them that if I started to see that they needed it I was overruling them. Big mistake. difficult child is still having a hard time with it. It is only recently where he will talk about his feelings and it will be 4 years in April since his father died.
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am so sorry for the tweedles. I know how hard it has been on me losing my sister, and I am 41. Sometimes, like yesterday, I just break down and cry for hours because I just want H. back. For many months after she died, it seemed like it was not real. I stayed in a perpetual state of denial for months. If an adult does that - than I think it must be 10 fold for a kid - and maybe 100 fold for a difficult child. There are just not the healthy mechanisms in place in their brain in order to deal with stress - let alone this sort of stress that many adults can barely handle.

    I seriously think they are doing so well, given all that has happened. I do have to caution though - that I think there will be more of these melt downs to come. When H died, difficult child handled it in this unbelievably healthy, and almost surreal way. Little did I know that he was harboring every ounce of grief within his soul, because he did not want to burden me with it. Six months later, he attempted suicide out of the blue, and well, you know the rest.

    I think had I been more proactive with Matt, like you are with KT, than he would not have completely blown. I think these meltdowns are all part of processing grief for a kid - and unfortunately they do not know how to process it daily, or even weekly, like some adults can. However, even if she is melting down, she is processing it in her own way - which is a positive forward, healing action.

    I am so sorry you are going through all of this. The burden is enormous for you, I know - as it is for the tweedles. My prayers and love are with you.
  8. Janna

    Janna New Member

    How about a diary, Linda? Something she can keep to herself, share if she *wants* to, and get it all out?

    You know, they sell those cute little diary books with a little lock on them - I think I saw them at Wal Mart. We have begun doing this with D where anxiety issues arise. For example, he is having issues with his van. The van driver is not doing his job. So, this weekend, we made D a notebook, of sorts, to write all his fears/worries and concerns in. He brings it home, puts it in his underwear drawer, and he claims he feels better cuz he's "getting it out".

    I'm sorry you are all suffering so. Sending hugs.
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aw Linda,
    I'm sorry kt is having such a hard time. It would be great to find a group that would be at a convenient time. I'm glad she finally opened up with you. I hope she can continue to do so. Gentle hugs and prayers for you both.