Difficult child and cps

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Motherof4, Apr 19, 2016.

  1. Motherof4

    Motherof4 New Member

    Hi I'm not really sure where to begin. I have four child the oldest of which for the last few years he is now 13 has become a terror at times. From being suspended on several occasions from school fighting, refussing to do school work ect. And at home it is spiting cussing screaming hitting ect. We have had a few episodes and I have lost my temper I admit. But the Saturday it began again screaming cussing in my face ect. I was at my wit's end as the week had already been over the top and I threwba brush I had in my hand at him from across the room and he turned his head it hit him in the eye brow causing a small cut. I immediately took him to his dad as he is trying to help with his behavior. After that I'm guessing his dad took him to the ER as he has been wanting custody and this led to cps coming to my home. They requested to speak with my other three children who told them about the situation and how mommy gets mad and big brother cusses and hots and cps asked that I agree to allow my three children to stay with my mother in law. This was Saturday it is now Tuesday and cps is refussing to return my calls. The weekend social worker who came suggested I start therepy as it might help me personally which I did yesterday and will continue but am lost as to what I should do from here. Can anyone give advice ?
  2. Michele223

    Michele223 Member

    Oh boy. Been there with my difficult child. Just do whatever they ask. Where are the kids? Maybe a break will help you with him. Make sure they get him therapy. I was arrested during such an episode. So hard to keep your cool and walk away when they are cussing and hitting you. Hugs. Get your therapy. Did you agree on the mother in law? Maybe she can keep him and you can keep the other two. That's what I did temporary. He stayed with his dad and I kept the girls. Things were a lot better then!
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  3. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    Hi Motherof4. What a hard situation you have found yourself in. The whole idea of cps is scary business. You mention that you have four children, and that you are having a very hard time with the oldest. You also mentioned that his father would like custody. So, I guess my question is, why not? Maybe it's what your son needs to help him settle down and get into a better frame of mind? I can understand that we as mothers have a hard time letting our children go. I felt that way with my son who is now 20. There was no way in the world I was ever going to let my son live with his dad. Looking back now, there may have been times, especially in his teen years, where it might have been better for him to be with his father. I believe boys in their teen need a strong, positive male role model in their lives.

    I recommend getting the counseling. It sounds like your son can set you off pretty quickly, and I think it would be a good idea to take this time to explore ways to deal with the anger that wells up inside you when he pushes your buttons. Lately, a lot of people on the boards have been discussing a book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It is a really terrific book. It helped me when my son was growing up, and it's helping me while raising my younger stepsons. I recommend picking it up and giving the ideas it contains some consideration. You might even be able to get it at the library.

    As for cps, I'm afraid you are just going to have to be patient. From what I understand, they are very busy and may be under staffed. I think calling them once a day and leaving a message is okay, but I would leave it at that. It's not going to help you if you freak out on them. Your children are safe with relatives for now. Instead, take this time to decompress and to start thinking of ways to reduce your stress level. Perhaps there are some parenting classes nearby that pertain to dealing with difficult children. Your counselor may have some information on that.

    I hope some of this helps.
  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Active Member

    Welcome, Motherof4. Big warm hugs for your hurting mommy heart. :group-hug:I think Roxona and Michele gave you some sound advice. The only thing I can add is please remember that CPS wants to reunify families as much as possible. Please try to remain calm and focus on how you can get control of your own anger. Please don't take that comment as a judgement. Everyone here has been furious with their child/children at some point. Many points. We totally understand. Kids have a way of learning the exact thing which will make an authority figure angry, and then they do it. Watching an adult get angry gives them some perverse power.

    The only way YOU can make a change for the better, is for you to take charge of your own anger. It isn't easy, but it can be done. You could go to the library and see if they have dvd's or books on anger or parenting. If they have a copy of The Explosive Child , it is probably checked out. Honestly, that book was the best resource other than this parent discussion forum that I found. I thought it was far more helpful than any therapist or parenting class. For your immediate purposes of showing CPS that you are serious about improving your family life, I would check to see if your city or county offers parenting classes. You are not the only parent struggling with a difficult teenager.
  5. Praecepta

    Praecepta Member

    Yes it is the intention of CPS to return your children to you - that is if you seek help for yourself. You should be able to arrange visits with your children.

    So get help for yourself and be cordial with all concerned, that will help you get your children back the fastest.

    Also be helpful giving CPS information about your children's medications, care, etc. If you are nasty to CPS workers, that will not help your case!
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Its best to cooperate with everything CPS asks of you, even if you think its silly. Also, they dont like it if you wont admit you hsve problems. NEVER argue with them.
  7. Michele223

    Michele223 Member

    I showed them all the records of help I was trying to get for my son and me. That helped a lot!