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Substance Abuse
difficult child and life
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 576542" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Pleas don't assume that just because the similarities between her and her birth mother are so striking that all you have done hasn't helped/changed anything. Given the prenatal abuse (of difficult child by her birth mother), it is probable that it will take many, many, many repetitions of lessons before they can be fully grasped and utilized. I think it just may take her a whole lot longer than it will anyone else.</p><p></p><p>Giving up on the sub abuse for now is probably the only thing you CAN do. Focusing on it will likely make it seem like that is all you care about. </p><p></p><p>In the back of some adhd magazine that I read eons ago in a waiting room, there were ads for life coaches. I wonder if something like that would help. These are not the job coaches provided to help someone learn a job, it is someone who evaluates you and helps you figure out what life skills you need. While you and your husband are eminently qualified to teach her these skills and to help her stop and think and choose the right strategy and sklls to handle something, it is fact that many people simply cannot learn from their parents. They just are unable to. they get stuck in that mindset that "Mom and Dad don't know anything, esp about the REAL world" and it takes years for them to figure out that Mom and Dad really DID know a lot,a nd boy would life have been better/easier if they just listened and did what M and D said.</p><p></p><p></p><p>A life coach can give other perspectives, can approach from other areas, and just isn't Mom and/or Dad. I don't know if you would be interested in at least talking to one, but you could probably find a few in the back of various adhd magazines. I am sure they work wtih much more than just adhd.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 576542, member: 1233"] Pleas don't assume that just because the similarities between her and her birth mother are so striking that all you have done hasn't helped/changed anything. Given the prenatal abuse (of difficult child by her birth mother), it is probable that it will take many, many, many repetitions of lessons before they can be fully grasped and utilized. I think it just may take her a whole lot longer than it will anyone else. Giving up on the sub abuse for now is probably the only thing you CAN do. Focusing on it will likely make it seem like that is all you care about. In the back of some adhd magazine that I read eons ago in a waiting room, there were ads for life coaches. I wonder if something like that would help. These are not the job coaches provided to help someone learn a job, it is someone who evaluates you and helps you figure out what life skills you need. While you and your husband are eminently qualified to teach her these skills and to help her stop and think and choose the right strategy and sklls to handle something, it is fact that many people simply cannot learn from their parents. They just are unable to. they get stuck in that mindset that "Mom and Dad don't know anything, esp about the REAL world" and it takes years for them to figure out that Mom and Dad really DID know a lot,a nd boy would life have been better/easier if they just listened and did what M and D said. A life coach can give other perspectives, can approach from other areas, and just isn't Mom and/or Dad. I don't know if you would be interested in at least talking to one, but you could probably find a few in the back of various adhd magazines. I am sure they work wtih much more than just adhd. [/QUOTE]
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