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Substance Abuse
difficult child and life
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 576930"><p>Hi Nancy. I just want to let you know I have been reading and I am feeling very empathetic!</p><p></p><p>My difficult child actually moved home last week. I have no idea where this is going or if I am doing the wrong or right thing in general; but I know it is the right thing for me right now. I am struggling too with the message it sends and yet what I really want to do is scoop him up in my lap and tell him it will all be ok and we'll fix it. At this point, I have no idea what "it" even is.</p><p></p><p>You've written earlier about giving her food, doing her laundry, etc... and that always resonates with me. Sometimes, I think that clean laundry and a fully stocked pantry will trigger some sort of primal memory in my son and a realization that he actually LIKES the values & family lifestyle in which he was raised. I am hoping that this chance at a fresh start, a "reset" with no burdens/bills/worries hanging over his head will allow difficult child to realize <u>for himself</u> that the chaos that became his life is yucky and is NOT what he wants forever. Yet at the same time, I know from experience that trying to spell that out for him will most likely have the opposite effect. </p><p></p><p>I always draw great strength from security that I've found in my marriage/family and my home. These past few years really rocked me to my core. Things are settling back down now and I somehow believe - despite my experiences to the contrary - that extending our home and our family to him may give him security that will foster growth or meaningful change in him.</p><p></p><p>I hope that the change you are seeing in your difficult child is the change that is going to stick. I think the fact that she has responded well is a huge, positive reaction and a very hopeful and sure sign that the your values are a part of her.</p><p></p><p>I hope that this period of peace - relief from life's immediate worries - will grant her the mindspace to start thinking forward.</p><p></p><p>{{{hugs}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 576930"] Hi Nancy. I just want to let you know I have been reading and I am feeling very empathetic! My difficult child actually moved home last week. I have no idea where this is going or if I am doing the wrong or right thing in general; but I know it is the right thing for me right now. I am struggling too with the message it sends and yet what I really want to do is scoop him up in my lap and tell him it will all be ok and we'll fix it. At this point, I have no idea what "it" even is. You've written earlier about giving her food, doing her laundry, etc... and that always resonates with me. Sometimes, I think that clean laundry and a fully stocked pantry will trigger some sort of primal memory in my son and a realization that he actually LIKES the values & family lifestyle in which he was raised. I am hoping that this chance at a fresh start, a "reset" with no burdens/bills/worries hanging over his head will allow difficult child to realize [U]for himself[/U] that the chaos that became his life is yucky and is NOT what he wants forever. Yet at the same time, I know from experience that trying to spell that out for him will most likely have the opposite effect. I always draw great strength from security that I've found in my marriage/family and my home. These past few years really rocked me to my core. Things are settling back down now and I somehow believe - despite my experiences to the contrary - that extending our home and our family to him may give him security that will foster growth or meaningful change in him. I hope that the change you are seeing in your difficult child is the change that is going to stick. I think the fact that she has responded well is a huge, positive reaction and a very hopeful and sure sign that the your values are a part of her. I hope that this period of peace - relief from life's immediate worries - will grant her the mindspace to start thinking forward. {{{hugs}}} [/QUOTE]
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