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difficult child and school. Hoping I didn't make a big mistake
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 588561" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I don't think dying her hair is that good an idea. I dye my hair to cover the gray (grin) and it requires a lot of upkeep that she may not want to do. Nothing looks worse than dark roots (or, in my case, gray roots). I think your daughter's problems are far beyond her oily hair, although hygiene could matter, but not if she is still very shy and offputting, which is probably not her fault.</p><p></p><p>Does she WANT to make friends? It kind of seems like she doesn't really care. But if she really does, but is shy, self-conscious, and certain that her peers will never accept her, it is very hard to jump in and even join the chess club, which is usually reserved for less popular kids (or it used to be in our school and still is in daughter's school). You can be ignored in a club just as easily as in the lunchroom, which is torture for a child sitting all alone (been there done that). Example: My niece was in the pommies, very high prestige, but the other girls thought she was a geek (she's brilliant) and made fun of her rather than befriended her and it was a fight to keep her in the club. </p><p></p><p>Could you sign her up for a social skills class? She probably needs to look like she is more sure of herself and to go up to other kids first, which is hard for shy kids, but often it takes initiative to make friends. She has to be motivated to do it. Kids are cliqueish and often already have t heir friends in high school and it's hard to break in. </p><p></p><p>Is there anyone who sits alone who she can take a bold risk with and sit next to and try to befriend?</p><p></p><p>I had such a crummy childhood...seems like I can personally relate to all the kid's problems. But here I go again. At various times I had to sit alone due to no friends. But I did try to talk to the unpopular kids or younger kids and make friends that way and it often worked. I never had a ton of friends, but I didn't have to sit alone at lunchtime and had people to hang with on the weekends. In high school, when I was a senior, my friends were sophomores, but they were older sophomores and remained my friends for many, many years...way past the time when what grade you were in school mattered. I felt safer with younger kids.</p><p></p><p>Just a few thoughts....gentle hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 588561, member: 1550"] I don't think dying her hair is that good an idea. I dye my hair to cover the gray (grin) and it requires a lot of upkeep that she may not want to do. Nothing looks worse than dark roots (or, in my case, gray roots). I think your daughter's problems are far beyond her oily hair, although hygiene could matter, but not if she is still very shy and offputting, which is probably not her fault. Does she WANT to make friends? It kind of seems like she doesn't really care. But if she really does, but is shy, self-conscious, and certain that her peers will never accept her, it is very hard to jump in and even join the chess club, which is usually reserved for less popular kids (or it used to be in our school and still is in daughter's school). You can be ignored in a club just as easily as in the lunchroom, which is torture for a child sitting all alone (been there done that). Example: My niece was in the pommies, very high prestige, but the other girls thought she was a geek (she's brilliant) and made fun of her rather than befriended her and it was a fight to keep her in the club. Could you sign her up for a social skills class? She probably needs to look like she is more sure of herself and to go up to other kids first, which is hard for shy kids, but often it takes initiative to make friends. She has to be motivated to do it. Kids are cliqueish and often already have t heir friends in high school and it's hard to break in. Is there anyone who sits alone who she can take a bold risk with and sit next to and try to befriend? I had such a crummy childhood...seems like I can personally relate to all the kid's problems. But here I go again. At various times I had to sit alone due to no friends. But I did try to talk to the unpopular kids or younger kids and make friends that way and it often worked. I never had a ton of friends, but I didn't have to sit alone at lunchtime and had people to hang with on the weekends. In high school, when I was a senior, my friends were sophomores, but they were older sophomores and remained my friends for many, many years...way past the time when what grade you were in school mattered. I felt safer with younger kids. Just a few thoughts....gentle hugs. [/QUOTE]
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