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difficult child and the Alternative Lifestyle?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 152602" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I really misunderstood the "alternative lifestyle" connection, i thought you meant living on a commune, hugging trees, that sort of thing. Oops!</p><p></p><p>Could she know at 13? Yes. Is it possible she's mistaken? Yes. Is it possible the other girl could get hurt? Yes, but you can't take responsibility for everyone, she would get hurt just as easily in a hetero relationship.</p><p></p><p>Is it possible for girls to go through a phase of believing themselves to be lesbian when they're really not? Yes. I would have been about 13 or 14 when I got a crush on a female teacher. I've heard it's not uncommon. Of course the teacher never knew (I never told anybody at all, either) and I was over it in a matter of weeks, although it did make me wonder about myself for a while. However, as I look back on my life and my feelings, I can honestly say, I am not lesbian in any way whatsoever.</p><p></p><p>I've known a number of same sex orientation people of both genders. A few of them seemed to me to be less homosexual, and more narcissistic - there is nothing so narcissistic as loving the same gender. Not that every homosexual is narcissistic, only that it can be a logical end-point for those who are. One homosexual man I knew and worked with, seemed to me to not be so much attracted to men, as loathing of women (in just about every walk of life). Working with him was not easy.</p><p></p><p>Another possibility, example from my ownexperience - at about 11-14, I had a couple of very intense close female friendships. We shared EVERYTHING, every intimate little detail comparing our physical development, our emotional development, our future intentions - everything. We shared baths. We shared clothes. But it was definitely friendship, nothing more. We also talked a lot about boys. A close friendship like this could easily be misconstrued, including by the participants.</p><p></p><p>Personally, I wouldn't be worrying too much, except perhaps that she might be closing off her options a bit too soon. It is possible she could be mistaking intense friendship feelings, or the confused gender stuff that is simply a by-product of early puberty, for a real sexual orientation.</p><p></p><p>While someone might say as an adult, "I always knew I was gay," that is said with the benefit of 20:20 hindsight. Plus we've all encountered cases where a person suddenly changes sexual orientation in adulthood, often after years of living the other way. In which case - I don't see it as a change, I see it as either the person discovering a previously hidden side to themselves, or perhaps finally accepting what they may have been in denial about for much of their life, having perhaps made a wrong decision too early.</p><p></p><p>Que sera sera. All you can do is be there for her, to listen and maybe advise to not let ANYTHING get too serious too fast. The same relationship rules should apply to gay relationships as to hetero ones. Just being unable to get pregnant doesn't mean it's OK to get into a sexual relationship too early.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 152602, member: 1991"] I really misunderstood the "alternative lifestyle" connection, i thought you meant living on a commune, hugging trees, that sort of thing. Oops! Could she know at 13? Yes. Is it possible she's mistaken? Yes. Is it possible the other girl could get hurt? Yes, but you can't take responsibility for everyone, she would get hurt just as easily in a hetero relationship. Is it possible for girls to go through a phase of believing themselves to be lesbian when they're really not? Yes. I would have been about 13 or 14 when I got a crush on a female teacher. I've heard it's not uncommon. Of course the teacher never knew (I never told anybody at all, either) and I was over it in a matter of weeks, although it did make me wonder about myself for a while. However, as I look back on my life and my feelings, I can honestly say, I am not lesbian in any way whatsoever. I've known a number of same sex orientation people of both genders. A few of them seemed to me to be less homosexual, and more narcissistic - there is nothing so narcissistic as loving the same gender. Not that every homosexual is narcissistic, only that it can be a logical end-point for those who are. One homosexual man I knew and worked with, seemed to me to not be so much attracted to men, as loathing of women (in just about every walk of life). Working with him was not easy. Another possibility, example from my ownexperience - at about 11-14, I had a couple of very intense close female friendships. We shared EVERYTHING, every intimate little detail comparing our physical development, our emotional development, our future intentions - everything. We shared baths. We shared clothes. But it was definitely friendship, nothing more. We also talked a lot about boys. A close friendship like this could easily be misconstrued, including by the participants. Personally, I wouldn't be worrying too much, except perhaps that she might be closing off her options a bit too soon. It is possible she could be mistaking intense friendship feelings, or the confused gender stuff that is simply a by-product of early puberty, for a real sexual orientation. While someone might say as an adult, "I always knew I was gay," that is said with the benefit of 20:20 hindsight. Plus we've all encountered cases where a person suddenly changes sexual orientation in adulthood, often after years of living the other way. In which case - I don't see it as a change, I see it as either the person discovering a previously hidden side to themselves, or perhaps finally accepting what they may have been in denial about for much of their life, having perhaps made a wrong decision too early. Que sera sera. All you can do is be there for her, to listen and maybe advise to not let ANYTHING get too serious too fast. The same relationship rules should apply to gay relationships as to hetero ones. Just being unable to get pregnant doesn't mean it's OK to get into a sexual relationship too early. Marg [/QUOTE]
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