difficult child and tough love

bby31288

Active Member
Wow!! Insane you have some great ideas. She is right. If those kids have physical disabilities it would be awesome for difficult child to go to that class and help them!!! I can't believe that never occurred to me thru the torturous years difficult child had gym!! In high school you had to pass 4 years of gym!! What a struggle that was!
 
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Liahona

Guest
Didn't you say difficult child was in a self contained class? If so then a scribe could be one of the aides. If she is mainstreamed for English maybe one of the other kids. Good luck getting the school to think outside the box.

difficult child 1 doesn't do gym. It is required here, but his hypersexual behaviors scared them enough they waived it. If they would do like IC suggested maybe difficult child could do swimming during the summer and get that class out of the way.
 

bby31288

Active Member
Liahona, you hit the nail on the head!! Our schools need to think outside of the box! Each child is different. Not cookie cutter versions.

Ksm. I worked at a school that while yes was for 3&4 grade had a few students who had scribes. They also had many IEP students who used scribes for any state mandatory testing or even test at school.
 

Californiablonde

Well-Known Member
difficult child has an aide in her class that does most of the writing. She says her English teacher is incredibly boring. I know this woman and as far as I've seen over the last seven years with with the brief conversations I've had with her, she seems to be very serious. I don't think I have ever seen her smile, and she does not engage me in any conversation. So if difficult child says her class is boring, I tend to believe her. But like I told difficult child, you still have to go to class even if it's boring. If she truly doens't like this teacher, we can see about switching teachers next year. But she only has a month left to stick it out, so she can deal with a boring class for that long. And she only sees this teacher three times a week.

As far as PE goes, there is no showering. Same for when I was in high school 25 years ago. Nobody took showers. And difficult child dresses in the restroom stalls because she is uncomfortable dressing in a locker room. The school psychiatric is scheduling another IEP so we can discuss these issues and try and come up with solutions to get difficult child to tough it out till the end of the year. I am going to bring up her taking an adaptive PE class. The class is for physically disabled kids, most of them in wheelchairs. difficult child is pretty patient and understanding with small children and people with disabilties, so her helping someone out in need I think would be good for her. We will see how it goes.

Today she fought me on getting out of bed, but she eventually got up and made it to school. Before school started, she tapped on my window and told me she was having an anxiety attack. I called the psychiatric and he came and talked to her. I watched from out my window, and I could see him talking and difficult child laughing with him. Then they got up and went for a walk, with the school psychiatric carrying her back pack on his back for her. He eventually got her to go to class. I don't know what he does or says to make difficult child feel better, but I sure wish I had some of his magic words. Within minutes he has difficult child smiling and going back to class. Nothing I say or do seems to help difficult child. I sure wish I had him available at home in the mornings when she is refusing to go. And the anxiety is a new symptom for difficult child. She has been getting alot of anxiety attacks lately. Most of the time they happen at home, out of the blue, when we are watching TV. This has only started happening within the last two weeks or so. So it looks like she may have inherited my anxiety disorder as well. So it's time to go back to psychiatrist and see what we can do. Even though I'm super frustrated with her right now, I really do empathize with her. Her life isn't easy right now, that's for sure. I just wish I could do more to help.
 

HaoZi

CD Hall of Fame
If it's ANY consolation, I can say the same thing to my daughter that my SO says to her, and she takes it completely different from him than she does from me. From me, she will fight and buck and argue and get nasty. He can go over to talk to her, say the same thing, and get a completely different reaction from her. Part of it is just different dynamics, different relationship. Part of it is that my daughter's father hasn't bothered to be part of her life and she's looking for an accepting and supportive father-figure (other than Grandpa, who lives far away) that's there for her. Your daughter might also have some of the similar dynamics going on, because obviously her father isn't very supportive of her.
 

Californiablonde

Well-Known Member
Well I guess that's why he gets paid the big bucks. He knows how to talk to these kids and I don't. Of course me being her parent makes a big difference I'm sure. She is on her best behavior for everybody else but I get the worst of it because she is closest to me. Lucky me.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Has she been tested for dysgraphia? It sounds very much like she has it. I do. ALL of my kids do. From what I have seen, most people with dysgraphia complain of hand pain if they write very much. No matter how often I wrote, or how much or little, it made my hands hurt. And I filled many notebooks while taking notes. She clearly needs more help with writing if she is still having problems. One thing that will help is working with an Occupational Therapist (OT) on conditioning the muscles in her hands.

Most places won't do the things IC suggested for PE. I know our district flat out refuses. They just have the child not take PE. OF course it has been dropped as a graduation requirement here, and that change was made when I was in HS. While they CAN make accommodations, many schools WON"T.

As far as a doctor blaming you for a teen's weight? get a new doctor. That is NUTS. And what he wants her to do? If it is so important to him, he can show up at five am to get her up and take her for a run then take her to school. I would tell him that to his face. No, I am not joking. His attitude is typical of peole who have never had a weight problem and have no empathy. The rest of the world knows this is the wrong way to look at the situation, and exactly the approach guaranteed to make her flat out refuse to exercise, period. So if the doctor wants to spread blame around, he can get his own tushie in gear and pick her up in the morning and make her exercise. Or you can drop her off at his office after school and he can run with her and deal with her and then drop her off at home.

I guarantee that he will NOT take you up on that. If he does? Let him. Insist that HE has to wake her up and get her ready though. After all, she is a teen.

As for why the psychiatric can get her to smile? he isn't her mom. At her age, you are the mom, aka the dumbest person on earth. There is NOTHING that will fix this but time. By the time she is 20 or so, you will be the smartest woman in the world to her. It just is what it is.
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
Susie... I guess the reason we get accommodations is that it IS a requirement for graduation. Either they have to make it not a requirement... or they have to accommodate.
 

Californiablonde

Well-Known Member
PE is a requirement here in California to graduate. As a matter of fact 9th graders have to pass a vigorous physical excercise test in order to graduate. They have to run a mile within a certain amount of time, etc. I am concerned about both my kids and this test. Both are quite slow and un athletic. easy child is even worse than difficult child. He is very uncoordinated and very slow at running. I am hoping since he is autistic they can modify his requirements. He simply can't keep up no matter how hard he tries.
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
They have to run a mile within a certain amount of time, etc.
Obviously they have to modify it for the physically disabled. So there are exceptions.
That kind of a requirement? I'd have never graduated. My motor skills issues make running a non-option.
 

Californiablonde

Well-Known Member
I think the new requirement is a bunch of BS in my opinion. They are already made to take two years of physical education. Who cares how fast they can run a mile or how many sit ups they can do? I probably would never have graduated either because I am a very slow runner.
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
They had a problem around here at one point, because the kids would show up and not put in any effort. So, they added a requirement: you must show measureable improvement to your personal physical fitness level. Starting from whatever level of fitness or non-fitness... measurable improvement is achievable.
 

Dixies_fire

Member
I think it's a initiative put in place by the government because many 18 year olds fresh out of high school could not pass basic training. At least I heard they were going to do that.

I was homeschooled for most of high school and didn't enlist until I was 23 so I don't know how different it may or may not be.
 
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