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General Parenting
difficult child and tough love
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 594950" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I would be very careful and think ahead how to proceed with this battle. What if he refuses also tomorrow? And Monday and Tuesday? That is very possible. How long her ban from electronics will be then? </p><p></p><p>My point is, in my experience people in general and teens and kids especially are not very well motivated with rewards far away. I mean, we would very much like to fit a size smaller dress in the end of summer, but that doughnut is calling our name right now. Or we know that keeping our papers orderly and doing something for it during a year is great help in tax time, but... If your daughter is next Tuesday in the situation, there she has lost electronics for example for two weeks and she needs a perfect attendance record to get them back even then. That is eternity to her. And awful lot of work. It is very likely she will interest to even try. </p><p></p><p>So instead of accumulating a punishment consider something more doable in her point of view? For example demanding five consecutive days of going to school before giving them back. And if she gets them back, but refuses again, demand two days going before giving them back and if she refuses again, go to five days. Doing it that way doesn't really make incentive smaller but bigger, because it is actually doable in her mind.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 594950, member: 14557"] I would be very careful and think ahead how to proceed with this battle. What if he refuses also tomorrow? And Monday and Tuesday? That is very possible. How long her ban from electronics will be then? My point is, in my experience people in general and teens and kids especially are not very well motivated with rewards far away. I mean, we would very much like to fit a size smaller dress in the end of summer, but that doughnut is calling our name right now. Or we know that keeping our papers orderly and doing something for it during a year is great help in tax time, but... If your daughter is next Tuesday in the situation, there she has lost electronics for example for two weeks and she needs a perfect attendance record to get them back even then. That is eternity to her. And awful lot of work. It is very likely she will interest to even try. So instead of accumulating a punishment consider something more doable in her point of view? For example demanding five consecutive days of going to school before giving them back. And if she gets them back, but refuses again, demand two days going before giving them back and if she refuses again, go to five days. Doing it that way doesn't really make incentive smaller but bigger, because it is actually doable in her mind. [/QUOTE]
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