difficult child angry at me again!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Apr 24, 2009.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    AND I am not the one. Remember, I quit. He has a ton of missing work and always has an excuse NOT to do it. husband hasn't looked at his grades even though I remind him he promised the principal and he promised therapist.
    So - we get a letter today.

    I didn't work today. I spent the entire day fixing difficult child's room. We painted it a year ago. Brought the futon up. Walls are a different color. Two are red, two are lime green, ceiling is yellow. Kind of like a rubic's cube.

    difficult child is too big for the futon. He isn't sleeping well. So we went and picked up a full size bed last night from "freecycle". I stayed up until after 2am cleaning, washing, washing down the walls in the basement, vacuuming.

    Dropped difficult child off at school today and went out to find a bed frame, new comforter/sheets/mattress pad and one of those allergy/asthma mattress pads that zips up like a bag around the mattress. AAAGGGHHH. I hauled out the futon - alone. Set up the frame. Carried in the mattress and box spring from the garage - alone. Washed his new sheets. Has his room ALL set up. Looks really nice.

    Comes home and says WOW nice. Can I leave for friends now. My reply. Speak to your father. Dad is ready to bring him and difficult child wants to take the laptop. I told him I don't want you to. We use it. Please, please, please, over and over and over. All he does is play that stupid online game non stop. So, difficult child knew I didn't want him to take it. He starts packing it up in the bag and dad walks in. Says NO. He begs some more. Then leaves. Came back in for something and threw things on the ground in my direction and walked out.

    SEE - - - I quit and it is STILL my fault. He can never take NO for an answer. So, ofcourse here I am again feeling sad.

    Doesn't do homework. Has missing work. Lied about turning in homework and dad says...SURE you can spend the night at friends.
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    RE: difficult child's room....Wow! Would you want to come help me at my house??? LOL

    As for the other stuff.....no words of advice but sending big I quit HUGS. I know it hoovers big time when you are ALWAYS the bad guy no matter what. been there done that.

    And not to defend your husband but there were times that husband or I would let difficult child spend the night somewhere just to have him out of our hair for a few hours. May not be the case in your situation but take advantage of the quiet.
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hmm, that is a tough one. I might have just picked up the laptop and walked out of the room! LOL
    How do you do all of that to his room and then of course not feel bad after his attitude?

    I am sorry. That does hoover.
  4. ShyChelle

    ShyChelle New Member

    Sounds like a familiar story to me. I think I have realized I am darned if I do and darned if I don't. I can relate to what mstang said though I don't have husband. Sometimes though it is probably wrong letting him get out of the house after something like that is all I can do to regain sanity and peace.

    BIG Hugs!
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    A very long time ago I learned to do nice things for the people I love simply because I wanted to do them and quit expecting appreciation in return. I think that fits under detachment. You learn that you can't control what they say and do, you can only control the way you react. I did things like fixing up rooms because it made me feel good to see it nice and clean. I bought them things because I wanted to. I did special things because I wanted to do them, not because I wanted anything from them. When the did appreciate those things, it was nice. If they didn't, it was their problem. I had enjoyed doing what I did, so that is where my satisfaction came from. It seems to me you keep doing and doing expecting him to appreciate all your effort. You are doing for him----start doing for yourself.
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2009
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    everywoman said it well, and I need to take her advice too. Very good and thank you.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Everywoman said it very well indeed. Sending hugs and lots of strength and determination to maintain your I QUIT course.
  8. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    I love Everywoman's advice--she is wonderful at expressing herself in words! She is absolutely right, too and if you do take her advice you will find yourself to be much happier and calmer and serene. Because the things you do will be for yourself, not in expectation of making someone else happy and then being angry and upset when they don't appreciate it. And, if you flip it around, if someone does something nice for me (unasked) I don't want to feel beholden to them for something I didn't even ask for.

  9. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    I know this really won't help - but I'm a single mom (Boyfriend is in house but is hands off when it comes to difficult child) so EVERYTHING is ALWAYS my fault. I should have a t-shirt made - I know it's MY fault! Everywoman is right - keep strong
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    It is your fault because you are the ONLY one in the entire world who has the power to make things go difficult child's way and you are refusing to do so. difficult child knows dad would not be able to set up a life of ease for him. Naughty mommy naughty!

    I get that so much but mainly from Diva. It is just not fair. Seems like moms are the only ones who get hurt in these stupid just-do-as-you-are-told-and-noone-gets-hurt situations. Why can kids just not accept NO as an answer. They are smart kids, they can figure it out.

    When Diva was 3 yrs old, she heard the song, "What part of NO don't you understand?" She answered, "Yeah? the 'N' or the 'O'?
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I must say, for a person who "quit"--you sure did an awful lot of work!!

    I think you need to go a little farther, and instead of just "quitting"....I think you need to start being a bit more demanding of your own needs. As in "Hey, husband! This mattress is really heavy. I need you to come in and help!".

    And when difficult child says "Wow! Nice!"

    You say to him: "I think I deserve a big Thank You for working so hard in your room today!"

    That's right! Start telling husband and difficult child exactly how you want to be treated. If you want to be thanked, you tell them to thank you. If you want some help, you tell them to help.

    It will feel pretty weird, at first......but eventually, they should get in the habit of treating you with a bit more respect. Right now, they are in the habit of taking you for granted--and that definitely needs to change!

    You go, girl!!