difficult child back in hospital

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jodyice, Feb 6, 2007.

  1. jodyice

    jodyice New Member

    From 7am Sunday morning til 5pm Sunday evening, difficult child was the most perfect angel. I went downstairs to start cooking dinner when difficult child came down and signed.. "behavior don't matter, good or bad" and I signed back saying "behaviors need to improve." (he began being a day student at his school this week and that is one of the things we talked about for him to continue being a day student or he'd go back to the dorm and only be home weekends again). He continued to sign that it didn't matter, etc. I finally ignored it and went back to cooking, thinking he would drop it also. About 10 minutes later, things happened that are almost a blur right now when I look back on it. He threw up his fist to hit me, I told him to stop, calm down. He kicked me instead and then went running upstairs, I followed, maybe I shouldn't have, I don't know. I tried to explain the rules again to him, he grabbed me by the arm and kicked me again, I pushed him back, he lunged at me and wrapped his hands around my neck to choke me, I tried blocking it, he tried to bang my head against the wall, I knew I had to call 911, but didn't know how to get to a phone safely. I finally went into another room, knew I couldn't go back downstairs at the time, he had this *look* in his eye that seemed to say he would push me down the steps if I tried going that way. I went into the computer room and shut the door putting my body against it so he couldn't get in and called 911. At this time he went downstairs and got up in the cabinet where we keep our knives at (he must had got on a chair to get them, I can't even reach them) and grabbed a butcher knife and kept lunging it at the door to get to me, putting it in the jam trying to push in, next thing I knew he was taking a hammer and beating the door with it. The cops finally arrived when he broke through the door and climbed over the barricade I had up. The cops had to break into the front door since I couldn't get down to unlock it for them. When he looked out the window and saw the cops there, he went down with the butcher knife toward the police officers here, there were 3. The one pulled his gun on him, I was still upstairs at the time, basically catching my breath thankful difficult child didn't stab me, the police were telling him to drop the knife, I had to yell down that he was deaf, he couldn't hear them, seeing that gun pulled scared the crap out of me, difficult child needed to be out of the house but he didn't need to be shot, the cop finally put the gun away, difficult child put the knife down, they handcuffed him and asked me what I wanted to do. I'm sure I wasn't making much sense to them, crying my eyes out, scared to death, knowing husband wouldn't be home from work for another 10 minutes or so. I told them he needed to be taken to the hospital, I wanted an evaluation done. difficult child stayed in handcuffs until the paramedics showed up. 2 of the officers, I had never seen before but the one I remember him from the last time, he remembered difficult child and told the other officers that he was in the system. I called husband at work and told him to hurry home, and the short version of what happened. He was home in less that 10 minutes. We were in the emergency room from 7pm Sunday night until 3pm Monday afternoon, they called every adolescent facility within a 2 hour drive from us, one was had no beds, 6 of them refused him, they finally got him a bed in one in Ohio, we live in PA. We asked what would happen if no psychiatric hospital would take him, they said the next alternative would be juvenile hall. I'm glad we didn't have to go that route cause he needs treated, not to be in a place that isn't going to help him. When he was admitted yesterday they told us most stays were between 3 and 5 days long. I truly believe he needs more time than that, but I also know the insurance company plays alot into that. We have a meeting with the treatment team this afternoon, I hope we can come up with the answers.
    Right now I'm trying to think back to see if there is anything I could had done differently. Maybe I shouldn't had went up after him. Maybe I should had came back downstairs instead of barricading myself in a room, maybe he wouldn't had been able to grab the knife if I would had went downstairs. It felt like it took the cops forever to show up, but everything else seemed to happen so fast.
    And again while we were at the hospital we had to fight to get an interpreter for him, the one male nurse asked us, "how long have you been his parents?" I said "14 years, what does that have to do with anything?" He said, "you can't interpret for him?", I said, "according to the American with Disabilities Law, the hospital has to provide an interpreter for him, and so no, I can't interpret for him." We had an interpreter there in less than an hour, although she was only there long enough for the evaluation. Blood tests and such they expected mom and dad to interpret for him, which we still refused to do, and Monday when the administrator showed up I voiced my displeasure in the facility and the way they handled many things. We had another interpreter in an hour. And this goes to the various refusals from other hospitals for him, they *can't deal* with his deafness, they said, that and a few said with him being MR, they didn't feel they could provide him the service he needed. Which to me sounds like a bunch of bull.
    Also he was in the emergency room for over 20 hours and during that time, he had one insulin shot, and his oral medications only once. And they wondered why his blood sugar was over 600 at one time. If they would had given him his insulin before they fed him, he wouldn't had been, but you can't tell them anything.
    Anyway, he's in a facility an hour away in a different state, and I'm getting more and more frustrated with the state I live in. husband and I still believe he needs more intensive care, to be in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), but that is still decided by the hospital staff, not the parents. And I'm bruised, hurt, angry, a basket case. And I hope once more he gets the treatment he needs. I honestly don't know what more I can do without going more nuts than I already am.
    ~taking a deep breath~ Thanks once again for letting me vent.
    /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Joanne, I'm so sorry for all that happened. Easier said than done, but I don't think you should second-guess yourself -- you are very lucky no one (including you, difficult child and the police) sustained serious injury. I hope your difficult child is in a place that will get him the help he so desperately needs. Sending prayers and gentle hugs your way.
     
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Joanne,

    How scary!

    You can second guess yourself all you want, but the reality of this siutation is that your son attempted to hurt, and perhaps at his worst molment during this incident, kill you.

    If you had gone down those stairs, he very well could have pushed you and you may have layed there broken for hours.

    When you go to the meeting this afternoon, make sure you take his history - parent report, etc. Make sure they know all the "bad" stuff. Sometimes you need to make it sound really rough so they can get the help they need. One thing is clearn, he can't come home. You and husband must absolutely insist on that.

    That is my prayer. That difficult child get the help he needs and that you stay safe. Stay strong. Let us know what happens this afternoon.

    Sharon
     
  4. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    OMG! I am amazed you are still standing. He is a danger to both himself and to you. If you hadn't been there, the police would have shot him in self defense. I know you don't think he needs to be harmed but if he is in his state of aggitation that you have to barricade the door and he has a hammer. Someone who is so out of touch with reality that he attacks 3 grown men with a butcher knife, you can bet that he is going to be harmed.
    Mental illness doesn't mean that harm with the intent to kill is tolerated.
    Refuse to take him home. He is a danger and a really big danger at that. He needs treatment but that will be after he gets stabilized and isn't homicidal. You can't treat someone who is in a blind rage.
    Find a facility that can handle an aggressive,unstable child with hearing impairment. Find the only one in the country or the best one. Give them something to work with. No one knows what your child needs better than you but remember that this is a dangerous child. If you don't find a facility he will end up in juvie and he will either hurt someone or someone will hurt him.

    You have my sympathy but don't make light of this situation.
     
  5. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I am so sorry! I also would find a place to keep him, you will not be safe until he is stable. It could have turned deadly too quickly. I do hope he is stabalized soon.
     
  6. TYLERFAN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    I am so sorry! It is imperative that you let the facility know that he can't come home....period! You are lucky to have survived. I know your mommy heart is breaking...but you can't let yourself or your family be in danger.
    I know that if you be very clear with the facility they will have to take you seriously. Also alot of places don't like to comply with Persons with Disabilities act...this makes me so mad /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif. I used to have to tell people I would sue them(usually schools) if my difficult child didn't get what was legally her right. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif
    I hope that things will improve for you.
    Best of Luck.

    Blessings,
    Melissa *
     
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    So glad that no one was physically harmed -- it sure had all the ingredients to turn into a tragedy.

    It's too dangerous for him to be returned home. Fingers crossed a placement can be found for him quickly.

    You must be absolutely emotionally rung out. Big hug.
     
  8. houseofcards

    houseofcards New Member


    This is incredibly scarey, You and your difficult child are in my thoughts and prayers. Praying that the right program/doctors find their way to your son.
     
  9. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    I am curious what his blood sugar level was before you had to call police? That could have been a factor in his behavior. I am also curious, - do you interpret for your son while they are making arrangements for an outside interpreter to be brought in? So that he knows what is going on in the meantime?
    It is possible they may feel since he is your child, and with his multiple spec needs you might be a more effective interpreter due to his level of understadning etc.....some things might go across better to him coming from you.
    It is a sad reality that many of the people who are ultimately shot by police are not deserving of being shot....but in the heat of the moment, when it is all on the wire.....it does happen. When you called 9-1-1 did you tell them on the phone that he was deaf, so they knew that before they arrived? I have heard of many cases where deaf signing was misinterpreted in an emergency as any number of "threatening" things-

    You might want to consider a re evaluation with whatever doctor is following his diabetes -maybe testing blood sugar levels more often? or a different insulin regime, and consider being a co-interpreter - I have a feeling many adult interpreters do not have much experience with MR, and the other diagnosis'es your son has-----and even hearing children have difficulty understanding things when they have those types of diagnosis'es. Simply providing a communication of words might not be enough.
    The Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and MR may skew his perceptions of the communication.
    My heart goes out to you, this must be so difficult.
     
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive and caring hugs your way. DDD
     
  11. kris

    kris New Member

    OMG!

    i'm so sorry he is so out of control right now.

    this is beyond serious & i totally agree with-fran that you cannot bring him home. it's just not safe.

    i think you did the right thing holding out for the hospital provided interpreter. that way there can be no confusion as to what he is saying are his own words & not yours. that the interpretations are true translations.

    in terms of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he's got a bit of a double whammy. first being Deaf. they can hire an intrepter, but you've had a hard time with-that the last time he was hospitalized, didn't you? can you talk to the people who are in charge at his residential program....can they recommend someplace that deals with-the Deaf? he can't be the first Deaf child who has required these types of services. i'd also pay a visit to www.strugglingteens.com . ask if anyone over there knows of an appropriate facility. ask any other contacts you have in the Deaf community as well.

    you didn't provoke this. you were in very serious danger. he was intent on doing you severe physical harm...at least from what you described.

    hang in there.

    kris
     
  12. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    I did not mean not to push for an interpretor.I meant in the interim while you were requesting one and while you were asking for one, were you interpreting for your son what was going on and what people were saying so as to reduce his anxety and frustration during that time. Also Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) itself and MR can interfere with communication as well and an interpreter may still have that hurdle to deal with, so having mom help- might be beneficial. The interpreter may have no understanding of this childs level of understanding or frame of mind. Our hearing children can hear what we are asking for, and what is being said...but a non hearing child is relying on body language alone. And in Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), the body language going on before the interpretor arrives could look rather...confusing, intimidating, scary etc.
     
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Joanne, I am so sorry! ...for all of you.
    Quite a bind. I don't know what to add that hasn't been said.
    Just {{cyberhugs}}
     
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm so sorry. Sending good thoughts and many ((((hugs)))) your way.
     
  15. lordhelpme

    lordhelpme New Member

    ((HUGS))
     
  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Joanne}} I'm so sorry and I sure hope that your son gets the attention he needs. I'm so glad that you weren't seriously injured. Please do not second guess yourself - so much of what we do as parents just comes to us second nature. We usually do not have a moment to analyze what we should do - you did what seemed right at the moment and that's about as good as it gets. The bottom line is something triggered him and caused him to do what he did and it likely had nothing to do with anything you did first. Gentle hugs~
     
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding more hugs-I'm glad you are safe. The others are right he can't come home right now. Sending prayers your way.
     
  18. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Joanne. I am so sorry you are going through this. My son broke my rib last year in a drug induced rage so I do have a point of reference from which my advice stems. You are in a hard place. You are his mom but he attacked you with every intent to do serious harm. A mom's first thought is for her child. Wanting to protect him and advocate for him are normal responses but this is not a normal situation. Take the time to really think about your safety and to explore all options. Do not minimize the danger you were in. It is hard not to because this is your son. One thing that I had asked myself on several occasions was "What if it was my husband that did this what would I do?" then after i answered that I asked 'What if it was a stranger?" It helps get your perspective back as to the severity of the act. Take the time to take care of yourself. No one goes through what you just did without some effects. Sending gentle and caring (((HUGS))) your way. -RM
     
  19. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Joanne,

    Sounds as though difficult child is where he needs to be. Take this time to work out a crisis plan...also to take care of yourself.

    Be gentle with yourself right now. :smile:
     
  20. kris

    kris New Member

    Hi! This is Kris's daughter (Sarah). My mom had me read your post to see if I might have any suggestions. In regards to trying to find an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for your son, try going and talking to the administrators at the Residential school. They will most likely have a few places for you to take a look at and that would be the best place to start. And I say good on ya for making them get an interpreter at the hospital rather then just acting as one yourself. *hugs* Good luck!
     
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