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difficult child Behavior I Hate The Most
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 478870" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>And then... Buddy makes some very valuable points, based on experience, but also it occurs to me that some of this is about "power". These kids really want power - mine is like that - and I do <strong>know</strong> that what is underneath the hunger for that is a sense of lack, of loss, of poverty of self, insecurity, anxiety, all that... But still it manifests as quite obnoxious behaviour sometimes that really seems to want to hurt, to upset, to rile... So as much as there is an inability to control impulse, there is also a not <strong>wanting</strong> to control the impulse. I do see this dynamic very much in play with my boy, and he is just nearing five... He has an almost uncanny maturity when it comes to asserting himself, never being the loser, never seeming to "lose face". He will insult, attack, do all of this if he feels he has been made to look small or weak. And underneath it all, of course, is a sense of smallness or weakness... </p><p>So your boy perhaps - here is a bit of armchair psychology - really feels like the vulnerable person in your house. His brother is smaller and younger yet he "gets it", he has the social skills, the normality, he receives approval and love for that. Your boy perhaps feels mawkish, unloved, in comparison and uses the only weapons he feels he has at his disposal - unpleasant power games - to seem to be "top dog" and thereby cover up all his feelings of lack and vulnerability. I think, if your boy is anything like mine (and he probably is), that underneath all this tough guy stuff is actually a desperately sensitive and loving soul that does not know how to interact with his environment to get the love he so much wants.</p><p>But you are on the ground... I am just doing a bit of intuitive guessing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 478870, member: 11227"] And then... Buddy makes some very valuable points, based on experience, but also it occurs to me that some of this is about "power". These kids really want power - mine is like that - and I do [B]know[/B] that what is underneath the hunger for that is a sense of lack, of loss, of poverty of self, insecurity, anxiety, all that... But still it manifests as quite obnoxious behaviour sometimes that really seems to want to hurt, to upset, to rile... So as much as there is an inability to control impulse, there is also a not [B]wanting[/B] to control the impulse. I do see this dynamic very much in play with my boy, and he is just nearing five... He has an almost uncanny maturity when it comes to asserting himself, never being the loser, never seeming to "lose face". He will insult, attack, do all of this if he feels he has been made to look small or weak. And underneath it all, of course, is a sense of smallness or weakness... So your boy perhaps - here is a bit of armchair psychology - really feels like the vulnerable person in your house. His brother is smaller and younger yet he "gets it", he has the social skills, the normality, he receives approval and love for that. Your boy perhaps feels mawkish, unloved, in comparison and uses the only weapons he feels he has at his disposal - unpleasant power games - to seem to be "top dog" and thereby cover up all his feelings of lack and vulnerability. I think, if your boy is anything like mine (and he probably is), that underneath all this tough guy stuff is actually a desperately sensitive and loving soul that does not know how to interact with his environment to get the love he so much wants. But you are on the ground... I am just doing a bit of intuitive guessing. [/QUOTE]
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