difficult child-boyfriend issues...i hate drama

[bby31288]

So my life has been upside down lately with everything imaginable going on. I am hanging by a thread...

Anyway...difficult child just calls from the nurses office at school, crying. It seems that the boy she has been "going out with" we will call him Sam. Well Sam texted her while she was in school and was like, oh by the way, before we were going out I promised my ex girlfriend that I would take her to the prom. So I'm going to take her to the prom, you don't mind right.

Now keeping in mind that ex girlfriend goes to difficult children school, and she then walks up to difficult child with a look on her face and was like, ha... your own boyfriend is going to the prom with me!

Now ladies and any gents that may be reading. I am at a loss as to what to do or say to help difficult child. She had been very happy and stable lately. This boyfriend is a nice kid. What now. She was like can you talk to him. Ah, no I can't get involved with this..

My advise was to tell him, actually I do mind, but if you have made up your mind then what can I do to stop you. I wish you would have taken my feelings into consideration.

But I know whats going to happen, she is so afraid to lose boyfriend that she will do anything to keep him...i just don't know what to do. On one hand I want to tell her that its not big deal, on the other hand i want to tell her, that she should dump him, if he doesn't have respect for her feelings he never will. But then if she dumps him the ex girlfriend wins! UGH. I'm sorry I'm rambling. I can't take teenagers anymore. I can't take DRAMA anymore.

Advice please?

 

[AnnieO]

He's a nice kid who hasn't a clue. If he had half a brain, XGF would be finding her own way to the prom and difficult child would be dress shopping.

Grr.

He's still dating difficult child? Normally I am not a fan of ultimatums, but... If it were me, I would say... "I know you promised her, but you aren't dating her anymore. She thinks it's funny that this is hurting me. If you want to go to the prom alone or with me, fine, but if you go with her, you are telling me you don't care about me."

He will either still be oblivious or he will fall on his face apologizing. If he's still oblivious, she can find better.

Have her watch "Pretty in Pink"...

 

[trinityroyal]

On one hand I want to tell her that its not big deal, on the other hand i want to tell her, that she should dump him, if he doesn't have respect for her feelings he never will. But then if she dumps him the ex girlfriend wins!

Poor difficult child.

As for boyfriend being a "nice guy"...I'm sorry, but in my book, a nice guy doesn't throw his current girlfriend's feelings to the wind in favour of his ex-girlfriend, and in the process, giving ex-girlfriend the opportunity to gloat, and possibly making her an object of gossip in school.

And I don't think that dumping boyfriend lets ex-girlfriend "win". I think that your difficult child wins by showing boyfriend that she will not put up with being treated that way. If she's been willing to do anything to keep him up until now, clearly he's taking her affection for granted, and assumes that even something this hurtful will blow over. Well, she should demonstrate to him that she cannot be treated that way by walking away from the little creep.

I think of it this way...

If my husband came to me and said, "Just so you know, I asked my ex-wife to go with me to my high school reunion. Hope you don't mind." I would be beyond livid.

This is a parallel situation.

Sorry for your difficult child's hurting heart, and all the drama.

Don't let her let him walk all over her!

Trinity

 

[bby31288]

Stepto...actually difficult child is only a Sophmore. So she can't go to prom. Ex girlfriend is a junior, and boyfriend graduated last year. I love your advice and I might tell her to just tell him that. He seems like a nice kid, but husband just pointed out that maybe he wants difficult child to break up with him? I don't know. Why can't this stuff happen on a Monday, as to not ruin my whole weekend?

 

[bby31288]

Trinity you are right. That is my gut. But I know its going to really hurt her bad. She was coming along so well! My heart is broken for her.

 

[bby31288]

Okay...now he is pulling the what you don't trust me line.....

 

[trinityroyal]

I can imagine how much this is going to hurt poor difficult child.
But learning to stand her ground and insist on being treated respectfully by boys now is a life skill that will stand her in good stead later on.

If boyfriend can't see what a difficult position this puts difficult child in, then he's a dolt. If he truly is a nice guy, this will be the shot to the head that he needs to wake up and treat your daughter right.

If he chooses to go to the prom anyway, knowing how much it hurts your difficult child, then he shows himself to be unworthy of her.

Grrrrr.

No fun. At All.

Trinity

 

[AnnieO]

"What, you don't trust me?"

"Well, it was her I didn't trust, but now I'm having second thoughts about you, too."

Idjit. I am sending hugs to BOTH you and difficult child 'cause this guy needs to get wise to what he's doing. If it's XGF, there is a reason, duh.

Hmm... I went to prom as a sophomore... Have they changed the rules? I went with a senior... I guess if he wants to go to the prom after he graduates, then he's probably not as mature as difficult child!

 

[Hound dog]

Are you sure she can't go to prom?? Nichole went to her first prom as a freshman.....with a date who was a Junior. Second prom was as a sophmore with a date who was a senior. By Junoir year she'd lost interest. lol

Tell your daughter that "nice" or not, someone who really cares about someone doesn't take an ex anything to the prom. Period. The rest, she needs to figure out on her own.

Go buy popcorn, ice cream (her fav), and hunker down for a major cheering up/feel better session. Maybe you can help destract with a girls night in.

Hugs

 

[flutterby]

As one with a teenage son....

I have to say that teenage boys are sometimes totally clueless.

easy child became friends with a girl months after he was dating his girlfriend. The problem was he hid it from his girlfriend - because he was afraid she would be mad (cause hiding it won't cause that ...he's not experienced at lying and hoovers at it) and then pulled the "you don't trust me" line. Everyone that knew this other girl - and even me, though I didn't know her - knew this other girl was manipulating and loving every minute of it. easy child did not see it at all. To him, they were just friends. But, she was always "crying" on his shoulder. It nearly broke them up - and I absolutely adore his girlfriend.

easy child is not a bad kid. He wasn't trying to hurt his girlfriend. He was just completely clueless to this thing. Gullible as all get out. He still doesn't see how manipulative the other girl was, but ultimately he ended the friendship. He didn't want to lose his girlfriend.

But, before that happened, girlfriend tried to be ok with it. She didn't want to lose easy child. I don't like to interfere, but I told her flat out that it's not up to her to be ok with it; she didn't do anything wrong. And I rode easy child about it hard. Someone had to knock some sense into him.

 

[bby31288]

Well she could technically go to prom if it was with a junior or a senior. But in this case, she is only a sophmore, no prom...and her boyfriend graduated last year so no prom for him (last year he went to his senior prom with ex girlfriend). So this year is ex girlfriend's junior prom. Wow that sounds confusing. I will see her when I get home at 4:30. She has a sweet 16 to go to tonight. I hope she still goes.

 

[AnnieO]

Yeah... He got to go to a prom. So he can sit home with difficult child and watch a movie or something.

My 2¢.

 

[jbrain]

Oh, I hate this stuff and I hate that he did it on a Friday instead of a Monday too. I hate when my weekend gets interfered with by difficult child drama! Good luck, I hope she stands up for herself--my difficult child 2/easy child was afraid of losing her boyfriend too but finally broke up with him when she realized what a jerk he was. Still, she still wonders if there was something wrong with her to make him act the way he did--he really messed with her head....

Take care, let us know how things go this weekend!

Jane

 

[bby31288]

Flutterby, thank you for the insight on boys via your son! I have brothers, but not sons...and let me tell you the male mind eludes me!