difficult child calming down, and easy child ramping up.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Sep 7, 2014.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We have had a few good months with difficult child, but now dealing with worse problems with our easy child. We found out she is cutting and we increased appts with therapist. She suggested testing for depression and anxiety. I guess those results showed high levels so medication was prescribed. Thought things were better, but in the last 10 days she has taken the blades out of two disposable razors.

    Also, this week she has told us that she is bisexual. She is 14. I don't know of this is a typical teen phase, or not. I guess I could grasp that she is attracted to females, but it confuses me that it is both. She is only 14, and dating hasn't even started yet. Not sure how to handle the sleepover issues. I know that most of her female friends are just friends, and as yet, she has not had a girlfriend. But, she has spoken to another girl who is openly bisexual and let her know she was attracted to her.

    Other issues that has involved over the past year is that she is becoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) about her hair, her clothing, etc. Even to the point of having panic attacks before going to school. She straightens her hair so much with hot irons that her long hair has not grown any longer in the last year.

    She is also. Upset about her weight. She is petite, and started developing early. She has a nice figure, but of courses she is not a twig, like some of her undeveloped friends. She wears a junior medium top and size 7 in jeans. Some days she tries not to eat any food.

    Any ideas how to deal with all of these issues would be appreciated. Ksm
     
  2. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Sounds like major, major peer pressure going on here. My daughter tried to whole "cutting" thing but that was the one thing I had no sympathy for. You know why? Because cutting became popular in my day and people were just starting to do it to be cool. Cutting yourself is in the "in thing" to do right now and has been for a while. (I knew for an absolute fact that deep down my daughter wasn't a cutter, she just wanted attention and to be like her friends) So is the straitening hair and weight issue, that's always gonna be there for teens. The bi sexual thing, hmmm, maybe she is trying to impress her friend who is bi-sexual? Depends on how desperate she is to fit in. All of these things scream "I'll do anything and everything it takes to fit in, just name it". Her family is the last thing on her mind. Scratch that, not even on her mind.

    Only suggestion I have, pull her the heck out of school, put her on online school or boarding school. Get her far away from bad influences. If she still turns out to be bi sexual, than fine. At least you know it's really her and not something for attention or trying to fit in. Those are the only suggestions I can think of.
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Is she seeing a therapist? If not, I would start there. A good therapist could help her as she guides herself through these difficult years. Has she said how she would like to handle the sleepovers? I'm sorry she is struggling so much with the cutting and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) issues.
     
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    She had been seeing a therapist, and this summer we saw a psychiatrist for testing and results. Then referred to a nurse practitioner who prescribes the medication. We started an antidepressant about two months ago. We go in next week for a medication recheck. It seems like the medications have helped, but when she isn't busy with friends, she gets in a funk.

    I am wondering if the bisexual identity is maybe a fad or trend. You sure hear a lot on teen programming. Don't know if it is for attention. I wish that I could home school, but that is not a possibility right now.

    "Guide Me" I think you are right that she is controlled by peer pressure, on so many levels. She is a good kid and student, and I will love her no matter what her orientation turns out to be. I just don't want a teen fad to put her on a path that she shouldn't be on. So frustrating.

    Same with the cutting... A classmate told her about it in grade school, and told her she cut. Turns out, that girl doesn't, but now my child is. She was actually upset when she learned that the other girl doesn't cut.

    Ksm
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    in my opinion, having suffered from anxiety disorders and panic disorder (and at one time even a form of agoraphobia) plus having had a daughter who cut, your easy child is not a bad kid, but one who is in need of mental health treatment. I would say she needs more than a NP. I mean, I love NPs and use one as my Primary, but she is experiencing mental health problems. I have no idea why a psychiatrist would pass her to an NP, but I'd get a different psychiatrist's opinion. Are you in the US? If not, it may be different for you and you may not be able to do that.

    Most normal teens do not cut or have issues with sexuality. She may be going through a phase or it may be her sexuality, but if she were my sweet daughter who was struggling on many levels, I'd consult another psychiatrist It sounds as if she has body image problems and this also needs addressing. My daughter had the cutting issue and she said, "I did it to feel something. I felt so dead inside." I think it was depression and also because of some things that had happened to her early on. She was also adopted. Cutting becomes a habit and can be hard to quit, per my dearest friend who cut for years (she sadly died of cancer a long time ago, but went to therapy to stop. She said it was hard).

    The issues that your easy child has are not "bad kid" issues, but rather anxiety issues and mental health concerns. Homeschooling will not make any of her issues go away nor will it stop peer pressure. She will see teens anyway. My daughter was homeschooled for two years in high school due to her drug use and it didn't stop her from seeing other teens or from getting and using drugs. Kids are sneaky. We do have to sleep..

    My experience with my four kids is that they have to learn how to function in society, therefore it is best to get them the help and they can learn, with that professional help, to cope in society. At eighteen it's either college or a full time job and, in either place, they can not just stay at home and not interact with others. And they won't do that anyway.

    I had horrible anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) thoughts and depression as a kid and teen (I don't remember an age when I did not have all three issues) and therapy was amazing for me over a period of years. So was the correct medication, which took time to figure out. I prefer cognitive behavioral therapy and, even better, dialectal behavioral therapy...if you see a psychiatrist, he will likely refer your daughter to a cohort who does therapy. A NP??? Really????? Why? No therapy?

    I strongly suggest you get her intervention as soon as you can. I had to start my mental health walk at 23 because my parents plain would not get me help and, frankly, back then there wasn't very good help. Now things have improved A LOT and it would be great if you daughter can get professional help at fourteen...that is nine years earlier than me!!!!

    Hugs and good luck to you!!!!
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2014
  6. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    [quote="MidwestMom, post: 634377, member: 1550"]in my opinion, having suffered from anxiety disorders and panic disorder (and at one time even a form of agoraphobia) plus having had a daughter who cut, your easy child is not a bad kid, but one who is in need of mental health treatment. I would say she needs more than a NP. I mean, I love NPs and use one as my Primary, but she is experiencing mental health problems. I have no idea why a psychiatrist would pass her to an NP, but I'd get a different psychiatrist's opinion. Are you in the US? If not, it may be different for you and you may not be able to do that.)quote

    My response....

    We see a licensed therapist every other week, then the nurse practitioner who prescribes the medications. We live in a small town in the Midwest, and there are no psychs who actually treat people under 18. The one that we saw just does testing. I guess we do not have enough psychiatric staff to see the patients. The nurse works under a psychiatric, who oversees the prescriptions. They did do DNA testing to help find the right medications.

    I wish we had more options but right now, we don't. I guess a lot of our issues go back to their mom not being there for them. Even though we adopted, we tried to let them continue to have contact because the girls wanted it. But then 4 years ago she moved 1500 miles away and didn't tell them. She only calls sporadically, and then has been promising them she is moving back for over the past year. I know that makes things tough on both girls. Ksm[/quote]
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2014
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