difficult child Caught on Camera--

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello All--

    Like so many of you, we have locks on things that we'd never thought we'd need to lock (like the pantry door) and if that's not bad enough, we now have a home surveillance system--complete with a DVR that is capable of recording four camera views at once in real-time--which we installed two months ago on the advice of one of the counselors at psychiatric hospital. I tell you, I felt like such a freak installing a surveillance system to keep an eye on my own child!--but the woman explained that it would put an end to the sibling controversies (You know--You're always taking his side! I didn't do it! You never believe me! He started it! etc etc etc).

    So the first few things that we caught on tape were difficult child hitting her brother, kicking him, throwing things at him--and we've been able to discipline her for those actions (and her brother now feels safer about telling on her for this sort of thing--he knows he won't get it worse for being a "snitch"). So that's been a big deal right there.

    Last night, DS discovered that some of his things were missing--and accused difficult child of taking them...which set her off completely. Yelling. Screaming. Throwing things. Smashing things. How DARE you accuse me of stealing!!! And yet, we were able to rewind the recording, and there she was, plain as day, going into his room and helping herself to his stuff.

    And faced with irrefutable evidence--we were able to quash difficult child's convoluted stories about how it couldn't have been her. We made her return the items and removed her mp3 player and radio as a consequence.

    AND because we did not have to choose to believe one child over another--husband and I did not have to feel one iota of guilt over the whole situation.

    I have to admit, I now feel a little bit smart for having a home surveillance system.


  2. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Sounds like mom has "eyes in the back of her head" now. LOL. It sounds like a great idea, do you mind letting me know about how expensive it was?
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    We found the surveillance system on Ebay for $299. If you like, send me a PM and I will get you the name of the seller--she had listed a whole bunch of low-cost surveillance equipment.

  4. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Amazing how the "protests to much"= did it. Good for you with the survellance.
    My aunt and uncle, who were wonderfull people in so many respects, had some habits that made life with them so difficult for them and others. When they were filmed and shown themselves on the tv doing their do things changed.
    Your difficult child lacks the self-concept for her impulses and hopefull this tool will give her motivation to be more of the person she can become.
    I am so glade her sibling is able to have his reports validated. I am not certain how that makes him "safer' since he is still being hit, thrown and and stolen from?
  5. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    interesting. I'd love to get some info as well!

    glad you were able to remove the "he said, she said" out of the equasion. Let me ask you, does it help difficult child understand what she's doing? When faced with- a video, how does she take it?
  6. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    so funny you mention this....we tried this at one time with my bipolar nephew & lol...ironically what we actually wound up filming was the easy child brother doing things he tried to blame the difficult child for. the pcs logic? it was things everyone would easily believe the difficult child nephew would do & noone would ever think the easy child would do. we had an iep team tape one of difficult children classes once.....the team wound up shocked & embarrassed.....at their own staffs behaviors in classroom.
  7. lizzie09

    lizzie09 lizzie

    This is a good one! My difficult child son is constantly snooping around the others rooms and as a result gets blamed when something goes missing even if hes not to blame at all,
    It can cause absolutely chaos in my home and I get so sick of hopping up and down when I hear a door opening upsatairs.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Prior to seeing it for ourselves on video...we didn't realize just how constant her physical abuses were. We only responded to screaming/crying/bleeding...and even then, our son was often reluctant to blame his sister--instead coming out with stories of how he fell, or tripped, or yes, walked into a door. He was so scared that she was going to do something even worse. And there is no consequence if the parents think it was just an accident. So difficult child got away with ALOT.

    Now that we know the full extent of what's been going on--we are more alert to subtle clues and able to respond immediately (before it escalates to injury)...and he is more willing to be forthcoming about what's actually happening. (Although he still barricades his bedroom door at night...and who can blame him?)

    But you are right, of course, the cameras cannot prevent anything from happening...it's just another tool to help us do a better job as parents.

  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    The first time she was faced with herself on video--her brother had been quietly watching TV by himself...she snuck up behind him and began hitting him in the head with a toy. To his credit, he put his arms up defensively--never laid a finger on her--and went back to watching television after she left the room. She was back a moment later, this time charging him full-force and knocking him over as he sat on the floor.

    At this point--Mom and Dad intervene...and called both kids to watch the replay. difficult child immediately started with the "I didn't do anything!"s and "He Started it!"s....but we just played the tape. Upon seeing herself in action, her anger actually escalated and she claimed that because the cameras do not record sound--we couldn't tell that DS had started the whole thing and it was unfair and this su*** etc. etc. We explained that there wasn't a thing in the world that he could have said that justified what she did to him. And she was disciplined for her actions.

    And that's pretty much her reaction to the video. She gets very upset--sometimes having a full-blown tantrum--and tries to claim that the camera is recording everything wrong.
  10. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Daisyface: If I were you I would make some special effort to remove your younger son from this "lesson" plan as he has been abused and neglected under his sisters treatment for however long and it is not his job to be the target of her abusiveness or to serve as the measure of her incrimental learning steps forward out of her abusive meathods of interacting.

    It is to bad that things were to this point befor you really were "knowing" what was going on. Now you do know and the boy has other things that are not connected to wether or not or when his sister is going to "let" him be safe in his own home.

    children who are loving by nature are all to often left as punch bags and targets and the fact is this family has neglected his safty. Wittingly or unwittingly.

    Seperate her in the house with a schedual and spend the time to correct her when he is elsewhere, like at a play date or at a special class or practising a sport.

    She has dominated the boy in the secret of the rooms out of sight and she has habits to break.
    Without her doing that to him he will likely just do the things that are for his growing and he deserves the time out from this behavior of his sister.

    Apologise to him and let him know that he is not to tolerate that from his sister anylonger. you want him to say what is happening to you and not to cover up for the bad behavior of anyone ever.
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well said, Ropefree--

    You are absolutely right....