difficult child Chose To Skip Mother's Day Festivities

[Bunny]

We were going to brother in law/sister in law's house for Mother's Day yesterday. We were having an okay day here. Nothing super special, by any means. easy child made a really cute gift at school and husband eventually took difficult child to the store where he bought me a bag of my favorite chocolates and a very pretty pair of earrings.

About an hour before we were supposed to go I heard easy child yelling at difficult child to get out of his room and difficult child refusing to do so. I go upstairs and get the kids separated and tell them both to stop yapping at each other. difficult child says that easy child asked him to help look for his DS and all of a sudden started yelling at him to leave for no reason to get him in trouble. I asked easy child what happened and he said he didn't want difficult child to help him. He just wanted him out of his room.

A few minutes after I separated them difficult child came to me and announced that he wasn't going to his aunt's house because he's "tired of easy child's sh**!" I spoke to husband and asked what he wanted me to tell him. We agreed that if he really wanted to stay home that would be the best thing for everyone, because if we made him go with us I would not enjoy myself because I would be waiting for the meltdown to happen. We also agreed that if he chose to stay home, he could not call us after we were gone saying that he changed his mind and that we had to come back home and get him. Once we were gone, we were gone and he was home and that was the end of it.

So, he wound up staying home. Is it terrible that I was almost relieved that he did?

 

[DaisyFace]

Nope - not terrible at all. Hope you ended up having a nice peaceful day!

 

[pasajes4]

Good for you!!!!!

 

[Californiablonde]

Not terrible at all. I would have done the same thing. Glad you were able to enjoy your day in peace!

 

[Dixies_fire]

Not terrible

 

[STRESSEDTOMAX]

I totally understand. Now, in my case, difficult child would have continued to call me on my cell phone and been freaking out until I came home and got him.

 

[Bunny]

We've had that happen in the past, which is why we made it crystal clear from the beginning that once we left the house if he was not with us, we were not coming back for him. Period. End of story. He did call twice. Once to see if he could make himself something that was in the freezer for dinner for himself, and once later in the day to ask when we were coming home.

 

[InsaneCdn]

And those two calls were reasonable.
Sounds to me like difficult child maybe (without thinking about it) really wanted/needed a "quiet" day instead of a social one.

 

[Voice of Raisins]

Hi I am new here. Had argument number 17 of the week with my teen with- aspergers (and it is only Tuesday!) and came looking online for some help. Ironically, our argument was about him going on the computer against house rules about screen use on school days...and now here I am on the computer! My son hates Mother's Day and Father's Day, he feels it is unfair for parents to get days acknowledging them when kids don't. He has felt this way since he was a toddler. I would love to leave him behind on my special days (usually stresses out my b-day, too). Have felt too guilty to do it thus far, but am glad to hear someone else tried it and made out ok. Hope you enjoyed your day and none of the extended fam tried to make you feel guilty (that would have happened in my family).

 

[Bunny]

I think those two calls were reasonable, as well. I would rather have him call me asking if can eat something than him not being sure what to do and eat nothing. The "when are you coming home" call is normal for him. We were just waiting for that one.

I think days like this are hard for difficult child. He knows he needs to behave well or I would be really unhappy with him. He started having problems with easy child (which were of his own making, but that doesn't change the fact that he was starting to go down that road) and once he starts to have problems it sort of becomes a very slippery slope for him. It's just hard for him to pull himself back. I think that he thought that him staying home would be the best way to ensure that he doesn't behave badly in public. And it was easier for me, so I was not going to argue with him about it.

 

[IT1967]

I'm guessing he was feeling some anxiety about it? I totally forget sometimes that it's anxiety driving some of my difficult child's behaviors. They do get worked up and act out at times when we are doing some activity out of the norm. I'm glad it all worked itself out.