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difficult child-dad hospital developments -- more of a brain dump for me
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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 371628" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>Dad has been trying to talk -- he's still hard to understand, but we can eventually make out what he's saying. His sense of humor is still intact. He told me he saw a "kabuki" in the nurses station. At first I thought he might be hallucinating. I didn't see anything even resembling a Japanese drama character. He was dead serious about it and kept looking in the direction of the nursing station. Then I realized he was talking about an actual NURSE who was of Asian descent -- yeah, that's my dad alright. Totally UN-easy child in just about every way you can imagine. </p><p> </p><p>He's able to take swabs of water (sponge-on-a-stick) for his dry mouth, but that's it. He'll get a swallow test tomorrow. They did an ultrasound of his parathyroid, so perhaps we'll know the results tomorrow... or maybe not until Monday. He's on a bipap mask that keeps a steady flow of O2 going in his mouth and nose, but his breathing is still labored and the sats are variable. He has some edema in the extremeties ("third spacing") that has gradually increased over the past few days. And one of the kidneys is still not doing well.</p><p> </p><p>The liver biopsy showed GI cells, so they believe he has colon cancer that has metastasized to the liver. His primary care doctor pulled my mom out of the room while dad was distracted and told her the news. He is not hopeful and said my dad has probably about a month left. Maybe two if he opts for chemo. But at this point, he is still too weak even for chemo, and the treatment alone would probably kill him. My mom pushed the doctor for an answer about what he would do if this were his own father in the same circumstances (whom he lost to liver cancer 11 years ago), and he reluctantly told her he would do nothing, and then said he's not supposed to tell her that (!), which I can understand.</p><p> </p><p>My brother is accepting the grimness of the situation, though still grasping at possible treatment options (like surgery). My mom says he keeps forgetting that the lungs are in really bad shape and the heart is compromised. But I told him that we could talk to the oncologist and ask to have the CT scan shown to us so that my brother can better understand the situation and what the real options are. Maybe that can happen by Monday.</p><p> </p><p>My mom is so tired. And seeing my dad alert and trying to communicate was almost more painful than when he was under sedation because of the false sense of hope it gives. We are both hoping that he will go quickly and peacefully at this point, because the mental anguish he is in right now is just so hard to watch. We are pretty sure he knows how gravely ill he is. Mom said that a few months ago he said he was worried that the cancer from his bladder might be back. We all agreed that we are not going to tell him anything unless he specifically asks, and then we will be honest with him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 371628, member: 3444"] Dad has been trying to talk -- he's still hard to understand, but we can eventually make out what he's saying. His sense of humor is still intact. He told me he saw a "kabuki" in the nurses station. At first I thought he might be hallucinating. I didn't see anything even resembling a Japanese drama character. He was dead serious about it and kept looking in the direction of the nursing station. Then I realized he was talking about an actual NURSE who was of Asian descent -- yeah, that's my dad alright. Totally UN-easy child in just about every way you can imagine. He's able to take swabs of water (sponge-on-a-stick) for his dry mouth, but that's it. He'll get a swallow test tomorrow. They did an ultrasound of his parathyroid, so perhaps we'll know the results tomorrow... or maybe not until Monday. He's on a bipap mask that keeps a steady flow of O2 going in his mouth and nose, but his breathing is still labored and the sats are variable. He has some edema in the extremeties ("third spacing") that has gradually increased over the past few days. And one of the kidneys is still not doing well. The liver biopsy showed GI cells, so they believe he has colon cancer that has metastasized to the liver. His primary care doctor pulled my mom out of the room while dad was distracted and told her the news. He is not hopeful and said my dad has probably about a month left. Maybe two if he opts for chemo. But at this point, he is still too weak even for chemo, and the treatment alone would probably kill him. My mom pushed the doctor for an answer about what he would do if this were his own father in the same circumstances (whom he lost to liver cancer 11 years ago), and he reluctantly told her he would do nothing, and then said he's not supposed to tell her that (!), which I can understand. My brother is accepting the grimness of the situation, though still grasping at possible treatment options (like surgery). My mom says he keeps forgetting that the lungs are in really bad shape and the heart is compromised. But I told him that we could talk to the oncologist and ask to have the CT scan shown to us so that my brother can better understand the situation and what the real options are. Maybe that can happen by Monday. My mom is so tired. And seeing my dad alert and trying to communicate was almost more painful than when he was under sedation because of the false sense of hope it gives. We are both hoping that he will go quickly and peacefully at this point, because the mental anguish he is in right now is just so hard to watch. We are pretty sure he knows how gravely ill he is. Mom said that a few months ago he said he was worried that the cancer from his bladder might be back. We all agreed that we are not going to tell him anything unless he specifically asks, and then we will be honest with him. [/QUOTE]
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