difficult child did not come home

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by exhausted, Mar 30, 2012.

  1. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Dear God-she did not come home last night. She got off of work at 2:00. Called me at school around 3:00 and asked (ha, ha) if she could go to a new friends she met through her lifelong friend. I said no-she had been out past her cerfew the night before and had to be to work at 7:00 am-I knew she was tired, and she needed a consequence.

    Of course I am just going through the motions because she does just as she wants. The deal is, if she has permission she can ask for a ride home, so that is the only reason she even asked. It is almost 7:00am and she has to be to work. Have not heard from her-no FB action. Don't know if she has a uniform and will show up at work or not. Her hat is gone and her name tag. Maybe her new uniform came yesterday and she took it with her??? Her shirt and the pants she has been wearing are here and dirty. I refuse to wash them when she has time all day.

    She is spiraling. Instead of flying right until court next Friday. We are going to ask for probation and a bunch of conditions like mandatory drug testing, counseling and psychiatrist compliance as well as cerfew, if they don't send her to detention. or jail (FA parents suggested we ask for these things) She thinks she is going to be treated as an adult and just get fines. If she looses her job, not a chance. Her brother know he will not get a dime out of her unless they garnish her check, hope they can.

    I'm exhausted from her and too much going on at school with my school choir performances, fieldtrips, kids who made it to regional science fair etc. etc. My mom is finially in a care center (what a lot of work on my brother's part with my help) It's all I can do to go to work and be sain. husband is so broken hearted and of course acts it out by being angry.

    She has been going through our stuff lately as well. We have any valuables locked away (don't have many). She is going through papers mostly-I don't understand? What is she looking for?

    I am sooo sad-I didn't think I could be more sad than I have. How are we going to make it until next Sep. Maybe we need to go back to our church and ask to have her put in another Residential Treatment Center (RTC) if they don't put her in jail(very unlikely). Just don't know. I feel so guilty for all the time she has been away but it is just unbearable with her here.

    Sorry for the ramble!
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'd bet she is looking for banking or credit card info. You may want to consider putting a fraud alert on your credit info.
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Could she be looking for passwords for your bank accounts? Checkbooks? Our difficult child stole checks when we were on vacation last summer and forged a check.

    I'm glad that you have your valuables locked up. Sounds like things are escalating as she gets closer to her court date.

  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry exhausted. What papers is she going through? I found that when difficult child was staying with her "friends" they were teaching her the ropes about how to steal from us and what to take. We locked everything up including our money, wallets, purse, drivers license, etc. If she gets ahold of your credit card numbers she can purchase things online.

    I think the conditions you are asking the court for are good, I just don't think she will abide by them. But then it is on her.

  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh exhausted, I send you many many hugs. I am so sorry.

    Good points in the replies about locking up paperwork and checks. I will add that to my list of things to do. We are going on vacation soon with the pcs & i all ready plan to take valuables to the safe deposit box just in case. Geez - the things we learn...
  6. Rome

    Rome New Member

    Oh wow, I never knew that's why ours used to go through paperwork until we went away for a weekend and have almost $2K worth of charges on a card which wasn't even called in, still had the tape across yet she managed somehow to know our full birthdates and mothers maiden names.

    I'm sorry for what you are going through, you are not alone, we are all here going through the same battles more or less and trying to cope as best we can.

    I hope I can continue to detach because I'm very tired and my husband is angry and bitter lately, too traumatized at this point to take any type of action.

    Prayers are welcome and given freely.
  7. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Oh Exhausted, I am so very sorry. Sounds like with court looming, she is running scared.

    I'd contact your bank and credit cards plus the credit bureaus.

    I don't know if this will help anyone but my ex-h would try to mess with me in the craziest ways. I ended up putting code words on many accounts - utilities, insurance, etc. so he couldn't make changes to them.

    You also might need to think about securing your mailbox.

    Please let us know when you can. HUGS!
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Exhausted, I am so very sorry. You have so much on your plate, and the worry I know you feel is debilitating, along with the sadness and guilt, it's overwhelming. I think we all know how you are feeling, having been there done that. I'm sorry to say. We sure are an interesting tribe of warriors, learning to take it one day at a time, doing the best we can with such enormous sorrows and so much pain. I have no experience, like the others do with Residential Treatment Center (RTC), however, from what I can gather, this does sound like an option so that you can have some peace, Sept. does sound like a long way off given the circumstances. Sometimes there comes that moment when a choice is necessary, and we are compelled to make it. Perhaps this is that moment for you. I am sorry. I wish you peace and the comfort that comes with knowing you are doing the right thing. Hugs and much empathy, compassion and understanding is coming your way............
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Just (((hugs)))

    I'm so sorry you are going through all this...
  10. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    My difficult child also would go through everything looking for acount info. He did steal a set of my checks and I had them canceled. At the time since a whole set was missing I thought it may have been a printinging error, how could I be so dumb lol!!! He told me much later in a conversation that his friend knew how to forge checks.

    I know they steal from us because we are easy targets and they think we will not have them arrested, but I would never have stolen from my mother!!!

    Reading your post makes me wonder how I ever managed to retire from a job, but it did keep me sane. And I was the same way, I could not stop mine from doing anything he wanted either.

    (((blessings for us all)))
  11. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    I'm sending you lots of hugs and empathy and understanding for the pain you are going through right now. (((HUGS)))
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Just wanted to say....thinking of you and sorry. Hope she contacts you soon.
  13. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Exhausted: Did your difficult child come home today? Please let us know how she is doing now. We are thinking of you.
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thinking about you! Let us know.

  15. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I also had code words put on our bank accounts. It still irritates me every time I am asked for the code because it reminds me of the things that difficult child has done to us in the past.

    Better safe than sorry.

  16. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Yes, E--please let us know. Thinking of you
  17. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    After I was credit card scammed by my sister, who obviously knew my date of birth and our mom's maiden name, H and I switched to using a phony maiden name totally unconnected to the reality of our lives. There is no law that says you have to provide correct info, you just need to be able to provide the same answer to the test question that was originally given when you are later asked. I have a phony street i grew up on, a make believe first pet and random answers to any question that a family member might actually be able to answer. I highly recommend this solution, particularly in a day and age when anyone can google genealogy sites and find out your mom's maiden name, etc.

    I have all of my pws in code in my dateminder and written out in my locked drawer at work.
  18. wantpeace

    wantpeace New Member

    I'm so sorry and can totally relate to the overwhelming array of emotions you're experiencing. What is difficult child going to court for? Is she being tried as an adult? My difficult child is 17 also, and it is so difficult! We need to detach for our own sanity, but they are still minors. As a teacher, I know how crazy this time of the year is. It's also difficult to see kids achieving to the high standards we expected from our difficult children. We are great parents too, so why do we have to go to court instead of science fairs, concerts, and taking pictures of them at the prom. Not fair!! There are days lately when I would like to just check myself into a psychiatric ward because the stress is more than I can handle!

    Hugs and Prayers,
  19. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I agree with the others that say she is probably preparing to steal from your accounts. I am truly sorry you are going through this. It is so devastating when our children become someone we have to fear.
  20. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I did the same thing to my accounts, my pet names are Freddie Crouger, and such and I misspell things. BUT, as was mentioned you do have to remember what answers you gave lol!!!

    When my computer was hacked into recently I know it was my son. It p***** me off and at the same time I felt like I had been hit in the stomach by a pro boxer.

    Of course they deny it, but like hubby said, we may be old but we're not stupid.

    Having to protect your property and yourself from your own children is a very painful act.