difficult child didn't make it home last night

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by PatriotsGirl, Jun 24, 2010.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Our rule is during the week, you need to be in the house by 10pm if you want a place to sleep. difficult child went out the door yesterday evening saying she would be back. Well, 10pm rolls around and she is not back. I text her and she tells me she is not in the area and can't she have her younger brother open the door for her when she does get back? Um, huh?? No. You know the rules, you are not here, door is locked for the night.
    Now keep in mind, she has a meeting today with her probation officer. Everytime she sees her probation officer she looks like **** - no sleep, bags under the eyes, you name it. Now the right thing to do would have been to be home by curfew, get a good night's sleep and see her PO fresh faced today. Noooo she can never do the right thing! That would be soooo wrong. (insert eye roll) Not to mention her PO is placing her under house arrest today (though she has no idea).
    I'm tired. At this point, we are counting the days until she is 18 and gets her walking papers. What is so hard about doing what you need to do to get out of the situation? If she would just do her community service, stop using drugs and hanging around with losers she could be off probation and moving on with life. But noooo, that would be too easy! 472 days....
    I would also like to say that finding this place has truly been a blessing. To have people that know exactly what you are dealing with and not judge you or think what a horrible parent you must be is truly priceless.
    Well we will see what the day has to bring today - today I have to go to have a talk with the DA about MY case. You see, right before Christmas I found out (during a period she had run away) that difficult child had gotten into meth with her boyfriend and he would get high and beat the **** out of her. So, I brought the police with me to his house to retrieve her and told him if he ever went near my daughter again I would kill him. An officer arrested me on the spot for terroristic threats. I almost spent Christmas in jail but for another police officer that knew me and my difficult child got me in front of the judge so I would be released. LOVE that officer. Anyhow, the DA said I was being charged with a misdemeaner and could come in and talk to them today. I have never been in trouble, and I live in a very small town where pretty much everyone knows my kid's history so I am praying they let it go. For me, that day in jail was the most horrific experience of my life!! Even being an ex mini difficult child myself, I had never went to jail or been arrested. (shivers)
    Sheesh - sorry for the book today people! Guess I needed to get some stuff out, huh?

  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I spoke those words, huh?

    I'm sorry about your arrest!! How horrifying - and ridiculous. I mean, really, I cannot believe that they placed you under arrest for terroristic threat!! Ugh, I hope it all turns out well.

    Our rule is similar, 11PM Sunday through Thursday and 1AM on Friday/Saturday. Doors locked, lights out. We have a lot of wild animals in the yards at night where we live, so if the girls know that lights are out, they will be walking through a very dark yard (no auto garage after 11 on any night!) to get to the very dark back door. Hee hee hee. They've gotten much better in recent months with getting home on time. And the rule was put in place for ME - we have three little dogs who bark like mad whenever any one opens the door and I need my sleep, so I don't want them creeping in later than that and waking me up! I have to say that in the summer with our bedroom AC going and the door close, I wouldn't hear them anyway, but still....a rule is a rule, right?

    Well, good luck with difficult child finding out she's on house arrest today. I would not want to be you. Hugs~
  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Hearts - I have three dogs, too :) Two little ones and a medium sized one. Seems to be a common theme with us parents with difficult children. I adore my doggies!!!!! They are always happy to see me, always love me and never talk back :D
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    We originally sought out a pet to cuddle with to help difficult child when she was little - our counselor told us that children who grow up with pets tend to be more empathetic and are able to cope better with life. I am highly allergic to most animals, so it was a challenge. We got our first little dog (cairn) from a shelter, he was old and not very well behaved, but we loved him. I found out after some time that difficult child had been hitting him with the paper towel roll so that was sad and we corrected her. She never hit him again. He was a true difficult child dog - really - so we sought out another cairn to keep him company during the day and that was good while it lasted. Eventually, we had to put down the older one. Withing a couple of months, difficult child and I found another cairn and I stupidly bought her. She's a doll, but some of the older dog's spirit must have been lingering around because she's a bit neurotic just like he was - lol! And the the latest addition to our fur family is a yorkie that my easy child brought home from college with her. This little peanut is a pure joy! Sleeps with H and me at night and basically worships the ground we walk on!

    I think more than anyone, the dogs have helped ME cope! Because they love me no matter what, they never talk back and they are in when I say they are in!
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Hearts you crack me up - I know exactly what you mean!! We have Bosco (a puggle), Malley (maltipoo) and Sophia (a complete spaz of a shipoo). LOVE LOVE LOVE my fur babies. Now I will say that difficult child is sooo good with animals that I call her Dr. Doolittle. I keep telling her she should study to be a vet tech but she has no interest. You know, that is like a positive thing to do - why would she do that?? ;)
    Good news (and yes, we do have to celebrate the baby steps) is that she came home this morning right after I wrote that post...she is upstairs cuddling with the doggies as I type. One small, small baby step...
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    We've now set things up so that even if Onyxx leaves... She cannot get back in.

    Between the fact that she does not have a house key anymore... We have changed the code to the garage... and the coup de grace is - no one sleeps anywhere but their beds now - and we have a motion sensor on the end of the hallway. It can only be turned on or off via a remote, kept under MY pillow - I wake easier than husband - and if the angle is adjusted, it sees that as motion (well, the room is moving around it, right?)... BUT... It doesn't go off immediately. It takes 30 seconds. Enough for me or husband to get to the remote - and enough for Onyxx to make it to the front door/back door/garage and show intent. Even if she manages to crawl under (high enough the dog and cats don't set it off), the open plan means it catches the front and back doors opening - or the fridge... She could crawl all the way to the garage, but she wouldn't be able to close the garage door. OK, so she leaves it open... And comes back, closes it from inside, gets to the hallway... And sets off the alarm. I figure if she can remember all the crawling after being out... I can only do so much!!!
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    LMAO - right?? We had an alarm system set up all over the house and she was STILL finding a way out!!!! I gave up. Why pay a monthly bill when it was doing nothing??
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    LOL we figured it's worth a try.

    Onyxx knows if we catch her - we call the PD, she goes back to juvie. because she has rules that are not just ours...

    But we can only do so much. As cold as this sounds - and I do love her very much - she will not bring that into my home. If she cannot control herself outside of home, she will pay the price legally. IF they decide she should. Otherwise... I do everything I can for her - and she has said she considers me more of a "mom" than BM, though she hastens to make sure I understand she does love BM, just can't stand her (I get this - this is a GOOD thing, in my opinion!!!)... All I can do is what I can do. And leave the rest to her and a higher power than I.