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difficult child does it again.
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 151956" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>So sorry you and husband are not on the same page Abbey. I do understand your husband though. It is so hard sometimes deciding what is enabling and what is just good old help. I was recently confrounted with this question yet again when difficult child was at his forth place in three weeks broke and trying to get a job but unable to give a stable address. I knew he had a parole review comming up but that is not why I decided to help hlim out. I helped him because I didn't want him to end up on the streets and off his medications and maybe hurt himself or someone else. So I paid for three weeks rent in a sober house. That would bring him right up to the day of his probation review. I arranged for difficult child to meet husband assuming that husband would know not to give such a large sum of cash directly to difficult child. I could not go myself since was taking care of a sick friend out of state. My husband met difficult child at a McD's and handed over the cash to difficult child instead of going and paying the house owner himself. I was livid with husband and I was so scared that difficult child would not use the money the way it was intended. I told husband that he might well have given our son the means to kill himself. I was so upset I didn't talk to my husband for a week because I knew I wouldn't be able to control what I would say. I prayed for difficult child everyday until I found out that difficult child had done the right thing had paid the rent upfrount and was looking for a job. difficult child did get a job and he did pay for the next week's rent. His PO decided to go through with the court review on the parole case anyway. She did ask me the day before the hearing if I thought she should ammend her petition or if she would just end up doing it again in a few weeks. I told her I didn't know the answer to that and that I could not give any guarantees on difficult child's future performance but that at this time he did have a job and he was in a sober home. The PO decided to go through with her original plan and difficult child was sent to Jail to await a residential program. I do not regret the help I gave him with the rent because it gave difficult child an opportunity to work on one thing at a time and he earned a small taste of success. When his PO found out I had paid for the three weeks she asked me "Isn't that enabling?". I told her that some people might think so but that I didn't. I also tole her that I agonize over every decision I make concerning my difficult child and never move foward with help unless I truly think there is a very good reason to intervene. My son was in a very difficult situation and without the stable housing might well have gone into another downward spiral of depression and self harm. We avoided that and he had a small success instead. </p><p></p><p>In addition difficult child also proved to us that he can be trusted to do the right thing sometimes. Now we just have to figure out how to recognize those sometimes. LOL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 151956, member: 2315"] So sorry you and husband are not on the same page Abbey. I do understand your husband though. It is so hard sometimes deciding what is enabling and what is just good old help. I was recently confrounted with this question yet again when difficult child was at his forth place in three weeks broke and trying to get a job but unable to give a stable address. I knew he had a parole review comming up but that is not why I decided to help hlim out. I helped him because I didn't want him to end up on the streets and off his medications and maybe hurt himself or someone else. So I paid for three weeks rent in a sober house. That would bring him right up to the day of his probation review. I arranged for difficult child to meet husband assuming that husband would know not to give such a large sum of cash directly to difficult child. I could not go myself since was taking care of a sick friend out of state. My husband met difficult child at a McD's and handed over the cash to difficult child instead of going and paying the house owner himself. I was livid with husband and I was so scared that difficult child would not use the money the way it was intended. I told husband that he might well have given our son the means to kill himself. I was so upset I didn't talk to my husband for a week because I knew I wouldn't be able to control what I would say. I prayed for difficult child everyday until I found out that difficult child had done the right thing had paid the rent upfrount and was looking for a job. difficult child did get a job and he did pay for the next week's rent. His PO decided to go through with the court review on the parole case anyway. She did ask me the day before the hearing if I thought she should ammend her petition or if she would just end up doing it again in a few weeks. I told her I didn't know the answer to that and that I could not give any guarantees on difficult child's future performance but that at this time he did have a job and he was in a sober home. The PO decided to go through with her original plan and difficult child was sent to Jail to await a residential program. I do not regret the help I gave him with the rent because it gave difficult child an opportunity to work on one thing at a time and he earned a small taste of success. When his PO found out I had paid for the three weeks she asked me "Isn't that enabling?". I told her that some people might think so but that I didn't. I also tole her that I agonize over every decision I make concerning my difficult child and never move foward with help unless I truly think there is a very good reason to intervene. My son was in a very difficult situation and without the stable housing might well have gone into another downward spiral of depression and self harm. We avoided that and he had a small success instead. In addition difficult child also proved to us that he can be trusted to do the right thing sometimes. Now we just have to figure out how to recognize those sometimes. LOL [/QUOTE]
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