difficult child doing debate

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Oct 6, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Boy, what a perfect thing for him. He has talked about it all week. he isn't happy that he got put on the side he didn't want to be on. the topic is "internet filters'. I believe he is on the FOR side, and he really would like to be on the against side.

    He has debated with me since he could talk, so he should do well.

    We had some great time together yesterday on his 'modified' school day. We discussed theater, drama and debate.

    Have to pass along his view on abortion.

    He said it should be against the law. That if the girl is a minor it should be the girl's PARENTS responsibility to raise the baby since the girl is still the parents responsibility.
    :surprise: :nonono: (notice he said girl's)

    In some cases that would work. But, I've done my time. Someday I do look forward to grandchildren. To visit, and spoil, and send home.

    Then he thought about it a little and said, if the girl is 16 she should have to show proof that she can support the baby if she wants to keep it. Otherwise the court should put it up for adoption. :faint:

    Never did he mention the fathers role in anything. I told my easy child many years ago as a teenager, if he becomes a father, he will work..two jobs if necessary because he will support his child. (I never recieved a penny of support. easy child's father has not actually been with him for a visit since he was about 8 months old. 24 years ago)

    So, difficult child really has much maturing to do. waaaaay much maturing.
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Pretty typical reasoning for a 12 YO. I remember having the teenage pregnancy discussion with my daughter -- nowhere did she consider the male role in any of it. Of course, part was because she'd never had a father even though I made sure there were male role models in her life.

    Hope he enjoys debate. I loved it and was captain of my team in high school and college. Tell him taking the less-favored side is the best way to go -- if you can win over your peers when you know they are for the other side, you KNOW you've won! (I'm assuming his debates are classroom debates and not formal team debates.) It also fun to challenge your own beliefs and see if they hold up under scrutiny but I'm not too sure that argument would fly for someone who is 12.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Don't fret about the maturity thing - I was doing the survey last night on difficult child 1, had to really think about where he is now and where he's come from, and maturity is something that has been very much delayed but is rapidly catching up now he's in his 20s.

    The debating thing - it is actually BETTER to get the side you privately disagree with, because you already KNOW the arguments the other side are likely to use and this gives you a head start in finding ways to counter those arguments. If there's ANY Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in your son (and as you know, I think there could be) then he will have difficulty in saying things he doesn't believe in. OK, they CAN try to say LESS when trying to cover up a misdemeanour, but they HATE trying to invent anything they feel is not true, it really grates internally. But there are ways of saying it, such as "People feel internet filters will keep their children safer, but do t hey really? Children these days are often far more technologically skilled than their parents and can beat these filters often without parents realising - surely a better way of ensuring a child's safe internet use is personal supervision? Having the computer kept and used in a common area, rather than a child's bedroom? Filters can give parents a false sense of security, make them feel their children are invulnerable when in fact they very well may not be."

    An argument like this would not go against his own personal views, but would still be a strong argument for the negative side. And by twisting the debate around this way, he would be getting it to where HE wants it, still in agreement but also pointing out the flaws we all know still exist in filters. It would be a harder argument to counter, than the often naive debating technique of "It IS!" "It ISN'T!"
    He can also raise the personal rights and freedoms angle, along the lines of, "Where will it end, if we continue to increase this level of monitoring? WHy not, instead, try to clean up the 'Net?"
    By phrasing it as a question, again he doesn't have to make his own personal statement which might jar with his own preference for always being truthful.

    I know I keep insisting that Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids (and others sufficiently similar) are really lousy at not telling the truth, but there are still ways to tell the truth (or at least, not lie in any complex manner) and still apparently say the opposite thing. Knowing how their heads work here gives you an advantage when trying to find out what really happens in an event, by careful questioning to avoid any attempts by the child to mislead. So often on this site I've read where a parent gets upset because "He lied to me!" when if you really dig deep, the child didn't lie, but simply left out information. Or in fact, believed what they were saying even though it wasn't a reflection of true events (for example, "some kids tripped me over," when he may have only THOUGHT they had.)
    And, of course, some kids really CAN lie, in great vivid detail. I pity those parents, the mind games they have to play to find out the facts are so much tougher.

    But give my congrats to difficult child on getting into the debating team.

  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's great that he wants to be on debate! I think his response on teen pregnancy is probably fairly typical for a almost teenage boy.
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    This could be the gateway to a career in law...