Several texts and calls tonite. He will do anything . begging. Doesn't want to live this way. neither do we but still sick inside. He knows I am soft hearted. Even after threats cussing. Still love him want my life back. Let him come home several other times and regretted it within 24 hours. This roller coaster is killing me. This site is such a comfort. I am a terrible typist but read often. thanks everyone for caring. So many reminders of the great kid he used to be. 22 now and going nowhere. Afraid of him and for him. I gave it a good shot but just couldnt set things right. Always anxious on this phone a text will pop up. Been so good at denial. Now that I have talked about it I sound ridiculous for putting up with it all so long. Thanks guys for reminding me I am worth while too.
This is so typial of how our difficult child's operate that it's almost cliche. Usually, after we uncover the pathetic words that they KNOW will pierce our mommy heartgs, the truth comes through. He will ask for something big....money for rent, food, etc. which will go to drugs instead. He will want to come home and then steal or abuse you. NOBODY has a right to abuse you. If a spouse treated you like your son is, would you still feel badly for him and try to help him? Your son has no right to cuss at you. Hang up if he does. Then make him wait before you answer again and tell him that from now on, you hang up at his first raised voice or cuss word. I did this with my son and it really worked well after he believed me. My son is 36. Trust me, you don't want your son acting like he is twelve at 36. Think it's bad when he is 22? Try 36. I wish I had taken tougher stands earlier with my son. I urge you think of tough love is as in the best interests for both of you. I am sure you don't want to be 80 and still crying over your 60 year old son. YOU DESERVE A GOOD LIFE EVEN IF YOUR SON REFUSES TO MAKE ONE FOR HIMSELF.
I had to ask myself why I felt sorry for my son when he was afraid the FBI was going to come because he broke the law? I never did find out or ask what he did to make him afraid the FBI would come, but I was terrified with him. Yet, HE broke the law and knew the possible consequences. He used to do clever white collar crime. He was heavily involved in porn too and may have been sexually inappropriate with his sister, which makes me puke. His sister will not give too many details because she said she wants to move on, but I think about it every time I talk to him, especially when he puzzles me by asking why his sister doesn't want anything to do with him. Maybe HE doesn't think he did anything wrong.
Take care of #1 and that is YOU. You can't fix your son and he is a stereotypical adult child who wants us to continue to feel like "mommy" rather than mother to an adult and he hopes to gain mommying from us---from money to shelter to our continuing paying of his toys/bills.
I would insist he treat you respectfully so that you don't walk on eggshells all your life. I found, and I am not you, but to me I'd rather not talk to my grown son if he is being abusive than talk to him at all. He is only allowed to talk to me if he treats me the same way I treat him. And even a small blip gets a *click.* You can't give a difficult child an inch. They will take a mile. They need your boundaries and you need to stick to them or you will eventually be that 80 year old who never had a life because her grown son guilted her into making HIM her life. Don't be that person!!!
Hugs and keep posting. We are here for you.