difficult child drinking alone

[dashcat]

I went to bed last night around 11:00, read for awhile and slept very lightly. Got up this morning and noticed a 1/s empty wine bottle on the counter and an empty bottle in the trash. One empty wine glass on the counter. I had my ex-sister in law and brother in law over for dinner on Friday. We drank two bottles of wine, but I'd put the empties in the recycle box in the garage. I know that there wasn't anyone here, because I would have woken up. This means difficult child drank 1.5 bottles of wine ....not only did she drink 1.5 bottles, she did it in about 5 hours. I got up at 5 to got to the bathroom and she was sleeping in her room.

Now, she is 21 ...but, really?

This cannot be good.

She got up at 9:00, as usual, and spent the day scraping the area around the front door. She was in a bad mood ( I wonder why?) and kept insisting she had done all she could do . No It's an old house and it takes a long timeto scrape and sand. When she was finished and showered, I calmly said "I willl take care of your nedds, and even some of your wants, but if you are going to drink,you need to buy it yourself." She looked away and said "ok".

I will be watching the cupboards carefully from now on.

This is all still pretty new to me. I knew she drank at parties and,since she's been 21, she's drunk in front of me, but not to excess. That much wine, alone, in the middle of the night sure does spell trouble to me.

Sigh..

Dash

 

[AmericanGirl]

Sounds like she may be reaching for help since she left the bottle out so obviously.

 

[dashcat]

Not sure, Alabama. She doesn't have much of a grasp of cause and effect.

 

[pasajes4]

Can u lock it up and at least make it harder for her to get too? Can u share your concerns in a conversational non confrontational way?

 

[AmericanGirl]

I get that....difficult child has an acute case of it.

 

[Signorina]

I am really sorry. I hope it is a one time thing or that she spilled some or something. Otherwise, I agree that it is a sign of trouble.

There must be a full moon.

I really hope one of us gets a break soon. XO

 

[Nancy]

Oh dear. I don't want to see alcohol abuse around every corner but this doesn't sound good.

Nancy

 

[Calamity Jane]

That's a lot of wine to drink alone in 5 hours, plus she left the empty glass and bottle on the counter - either too tired, drunk or ambivalent to hide it. I think it's not a good sign either, Dash. Plus, she didn't deny it - she looked away and said OK when you mentioned it. At least she got up and worked for you on time the next AM.

When brother in law and sister in law came over, was difficult child there, and did she also have any wine? Maybe she felt she "deserved" it after such hard physical work around the house, and she wanted to unwind, but that's a lot of wine and she's drinking alone. If you get nowhere and this continues, you may want to let the counselor know before things get out of hand.

 

[dashcat]

Thanks, all. No, not a good sign in the least. I guess was from the naive school of thinking that alcoholism grew out of long time use (like Mr. Ostrich) where the individuals just drank more and more over a long period. Most of my extended family drinks - and in all but one case, it is simply social drinking.

I could see (but wouldn't love it) if difficult child was at a party and overconsumed. I always hated the drinking games like beer pong, but thought of it as something younger kids do and then most of them grow out of it.

She was not here when brother in law and sister in law were here. She was certainly included (and I would not have said anything if she had a glass of wine with our dinner). She opted not to stay and I think it is because she didn't want to answer the "how are you/what are you/doing" questions from well-meaning relativies. sister in law and brother in law aren't braggy, but their kids are very accmomplished: one is working on his PhD, one just got his Masters and got married, the youngest just graduated from Northwestern with honors. It's hard for her, so she stayed away. Her little binge didn't come until two nights later.

As to whether I lock it up, I guess I'll wait and see. She knows I know how much there is. I have no hard liquor, only wine and, on occasion, beer. It's pretty easy to keep track of how much there is. This might be a bit of denial on my part but, honestly, I hate being "prison" as a result of HER behavior. I'd like to think I can have a glass of wine on my back porch without having to go into stealth mode. Believe me, if the time comes that she were to enter a recovery program .... something I suspect she will need if this pattern is what it looks like ... then I would not have anything around to tempt her. But now? She just goes to her boyfriends or to Dex's for whatever pleases her.

She's going on vacation with DEX and his girlfriend on Friday. DEX and girlfriend are both big drinkers, so I'm sure the bar will be open for her. Nothing I can do about it. The saving grace is that the girlfriend's alcoholic, drug dealing 23year old son isn't going. Originally, he was and I was less than thrilled.

Serenity prayer time.

Dash

And, Calamity, she was most likely too drunk and defiantly disinterested in the consequences to hide the bottles. Also, she knew i'd know because I knew how much had been in the wine rack to begin with.

 

[BusynMember]

I hate to bring up her birthfamily, but do you know if there was alcoholism or drug abuse there? Unfortunately, the ability to quickly become an alcoholic is inherited. Some people can drink a lot and never become dependent. Some can take one drink and that's all they need to be hooked. A lot of that is in the genes.

 

[dashcat]

Midwest,
I don't know about alcoholism for certain, but I know there was gerat dysfunctionality. As I said, she really can't sneak it from here. If she takes it, I'll know and then I will take action. She came home sober last night, and went to bed right after me. One day at a time.
Dash

 

[exhausted]

Dash,
So sorry to hear this about your girl. It is scary. I hope she will see that doing this alone is just not going to help her. ((Hugs))

 

[Nancy]

Dash I heard over and over again from all the AA leads I went to, that they knew they were an alcholic from the first drink they took. So many said it did something for them that it didn't do for their friends and their friends would stop drinking at a point and they continued and they thought about it all the time and couldn't remember what they did when they were drunk and it happened so soon, didn't take years. The problem is that it takes much longer for alcohol to cause the kind of problems that drug abuse does and so it takes longer to get help. Also many of them said that when they drank it was the only time they felt comfortable in their own skin, that was said over and over again. When I have a drink it makes me feel relaxed but doesn't change how I feel about myself. Years ago when difficult child got drunk at her high school flag team party she told her friends that the only time she felt happy was when she drank. She was 15 years old and certainly didn't have years of drinking behind her. I was shocked when I heard her say that. It sounded like she was old beyond her years and had so much experience drinking.

I hope your difficult child isn't headed this way but if she is I know you will be there to help her.

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

Dash,

I remember being shocked to find a large amount of empty beer cans in my difficult child's room. They were hidden under the bed, in closets, and the laundry blanket. It meant that she was in her room drinking alone at night. Looking back, I realize now that she was in a deep depression and using alcohol to make herself feel better. She was also abusing xanax and ambien at the same time. It was a miracle that she didn't die.

I see from your signature that your difficult child has a possible diagnosis of depression or bipolar. Was that ever confirmed? Is she seeing a psychiatrist?

My difficult child is no longer drinking (as far as I know). I think it is a combination of age (she got tired of watching her friends move on with their lives while she gets nowhere) and the DBT program that she is in. As I read your post I kept seeing my difficult child at that age.

by the way, we no longer keep any alcohol in the house. It is just not worth the risk to me. husband misses his beer but he just drinks it when we eat out now.

~Kathy