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General Parenting
difficult child failing school - suggestions/advice?
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<blockquote data-quote="pepperidge" data-source="post: 326536" data-attributes="member: 2322"><p>My only other thought is that I wouldn't hold out too much hope about failing being what turns your son around. After all, if he isn't motivated by good things in the immediate present, why would he care about grades and his future which to him is many many years down the road? </p><p></p><p>Letting children fail to turn themselves around is a great idea, but only if they care about the consequences. What we have observed over and over with my son and school is that the consequences (failure etc) matter to us but they don't matter to him. Which is not the same as to say that they don't make an impact--they do reinforce the cycle of failure, low self-esteem, etc. But they are not a wake up call--gee I better do better or I will fail at school. I think for whatever reasons our children get beyond caring about doing well at school, and the question is what are those reasons.</p><p></p><p>I really wouldn't hold out hope that that will be the ticket to turn your son around. </p><p></p><p>We are watching very carefully this year with my son. If we don't continue to see the small steps forward that we have been seeing, I think he'll be out there with Small world 's son. For my son, though, right now its a big question as to whether he needs a very different form of education or whether it is primarily a depression type thing. </p><p></p><p>Good luck. I was going to say that we struggle every day. Actually we don't struggle with him so much anymore. But we struggle in the sense that I am deeply concerned about his future, as I am sure you are too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pepperidge, post: 326536, member: 2322"] My only other thought is that I wouldn't hold out too much hope about failing being what turns your son around. After all, if he isn't motivated by good things in the immediate present, why would he care about grades and his future which to him is many many years down the road? Letting children fail to turn themselves around is a great idea, but only if they care about the consequences. What we have observed over and over with my son and school is that the consequences (failure etc) matter to us but they don't matter to him. Which is not the same as to say that they don't make an impact--they do reinforce the cycle of failure, low self-esteem, etc. But they are not a wake up call--gee I better do better or I will fail at school. I think for whatever reasons our children get beyond caring about doing well at school, and the question is what are those reasons. I really wouldn't hold out hope that that will be the ticket to turn your son around. We are watching very carefully this year with my son. If we don't continue to see the small steps forward that we have been seeing, I think he'll be out there with Small world 's son. For my son, though, right now its a big question as to whether he needs a very different form of education or whether it is primarily a depression type thing. Good luck. I was going to say that we struggle every day. Actually we don't struggle with him so much anymore. But we struggle in the sense that I am deeply concerned about his future, as I am sure you are too. [/QUOTE]
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