difficult child found his way home

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearthope, Dec 24, 2006.

  1. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    :warrior:Still have on my armour!!! He came in around 3 this afternoon. He said he had been staying with "Barbie" (that name just makes a mom chringe!) and he hasn't really had time to call.

    I was very straightforward, I said either live by our houserules or you can live somewhere else! He got defensive, I got a little louder and repeated myself. He cocked his little attitude that I usually back down to. (he lays a guilt trip on me and I question myself and feel guilty and let him get away with it) :warrior:
    I said "It's my house and I don't have to let you stay here!" He turned 18 in the rehab and I have never said to him before. He didn't leave, he stayed in his room a long time and when he finally came out it was spotless! Haven't seen that in a long time.

    I also let him know that he only had a couple of presents under the tree. I think he was shocked! I said "Son, you were supposed to be home 4 days ago, if you had been here you would have gone shopping with us to get your clothes & things for christmas"

    I know it sounds harsh, but I have struggled with this a while.
    easy child has done all that is expected of her, and we have awarded her for that. She has gotten most everything she wanted. instead of wrapping everything like usual we took her out shopping to get most of the things so christmas morniong there won't be a drastic difference in his gifts and hers.

    They have always gotten equal gifts. We talked to her about this, she was concerned for her brother's feelings, we explained the past yr of heartaches(she suffered as much as us!) we explained her helping at my shop when asked, grades, helping at home, etc. I also explained how everytime her brother ran away or disappeared when he showed back up and was sent to jail,Residential Treatment Center (RTC),grouphome,jail,rehab I had to always furnish him with new clothes because he would leave with all his stuff and come home with the shirt on his back. I said all in all I have spent much more on him trying to help him than I have you.
     
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds hopeful to me! Fingers crossed. DDD
     
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm glad he came home. Hopefully his stay will be filled with good feelings and enjoying one another's company and not how much was $pent on whom. Fingers crossed!

    Suz
     
  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    "everytime her brother ran away or disappeared when he showed back up and was sent to jail,Residential Treatment Center (RTC),grouphome,jail,rehab I had to always furnish him with new clothes because he would leave with all his stuff and come home with the shirt on his back. I said all in all I have spent much more on him trying to help him than I have you. "

    I said the same thing to ant's older brother Nick. Nick got more than twice the dollar amount spent on Ant this year. However, Ant does not know what I spent on Nick. I have no problem with that. it is about time. It is so much more fun to buy a nice police jacket that glows in the dark than to buy a lawyer. lmao

    they were both happy with their Christmas. funny thing is, they both spent tons more on me...lol
    I am mostly blessed by having them laughing and enjoying Kaleb and his toys.

    the dollar/gift amount is nothing compared to the peace in my home.
     
  5. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    It was okay this a.m. I did write a check and put it in his stocking. He did have gifts to open, just not near what his sister had. I believe he understood why, but he was pretty quiet.
    We had breakfast with everyone, he did sit at the table and eat, then he took a shower and left.
    Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad. I am just sharing. It does my heart good to share about this.
    He is not ready and no one understands that better than I do at this time.


    I hope everyone had a great morning and peace filled your homes :smile:
     
  6. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    Hopefully he will get it and wise up. That is all we can hope.
     
  7. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sounds like all went well. My easy child kept buying her brother stuff and telling me to buy him more because she felt bad she was going to have so much more to open. I reminded her of the money her brother has cost me all year and that I paid 2 weeks of his rent already for Christmas.
    That is the difference between a easy child and a difficult child. He wouldn't have been worried if she wasn't getting as much as him.
     
  8. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Sounds just like my easy child and difficult child Karen. She has an overabundance of understanding and compassion. He is out for #1
     
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