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Parent Emeritus
difficult child Fugitive and headed here.. with friends!
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 252930" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>You are receiving good advice here, Rhonda. Do not let difficult child bring her friends home. These may well be dangerous people, and you do not want them knowing where you live. </p><p></p><p>Tell your daughter NO.</p><p></p><p>She will have to tell her friends whatever she can come up with. You do not have the resources to cope with four addicted young people. I know you love your daughter. </p><p></p><p>I know you love her.</p><p></p><p>Stop this now, before it goes any further.</p><p></p><p>She CANNOT bring these people to your home or even, your city.</p><p></p><p>Offer a bus ticket for her from where she is, now.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would be very clear with her now about the length of this visit.</p><p></p><p>We found "I love you too much to watch you destroy yourself." to be a phrase that worked for us. In this case, you will probably have to tell your daughter point blank that you will not allow her to abuse you in this way. What we found is that, whatever we said, difficult child would show up with his own agenda firmly in mind. We needed to learn to have our responses thought out ahead of time.</p><p></p><p>I think this will be helpful for you to do, now.</p><p></p><p>You have more power in this situation than you realize, Rhonda.</p><p></p><p>Use it.</p><p></p><p>Make your expectations very clear to your daughter. You can always loosen up later. As difficult as it will be to dash her hopes now, it will be a thousand times more difficult to regain the upper hand if she shows up with three footloose problem children looking for a comfy place to settle in.</p><p></p><p>The parents on this site have been through so many horrific experiences, Rhonda. Believe me, you do not want your daughter cruising in with three addicted friends.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry to sound so harsh.</p><p></p><p>And I am sorry for your pain. I remember how I hoped and believed and prayed and tried to pretend what was happening to us was somehow acceptable on some level. But it never was. It was a nightmare.</p><p></p><p>There is something in a mother that refuses to see, that chooses to love and to believe in.</p><p></p><p>Continue posting, whatever you decide to do and however it works out.</p><p></p><p>We have been where you are, now.</p><p></p><p>We can share our experiences as you begin walking this path with your daughter.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 252930, member: 3353"] You are receiving good advice here, Rhonda. Do not let difficult child bring her friends home. These may well be dangerous people, and you do not want them knowing where you live. Tell your daughter NO. She will have to tell her friends whatever she can come up with. You do not have the resources to cope with four addicted young people. I know you love your daughter. I know you love her. Stop this now, before it goes any further. She CANNOT bring these people to your home or even, your city. Offer a bus ticket for her from where she is, now. If it were me, I would be very clear with her now about the length of this visit. We found "I love you too much to watch you destroy yourself." to be a phrase that worked for us. In this case, you will probably have to tell your daughter point blank that you will not allow her to abuse you in this way. What we found is that, whatever we said, difficult child would show up with his own agenda firmly in mind. We needed to learn to have our responses thought out ahead of time. I think this will be helpful for you to do, now. You have more power in this situation than you realize, Rhonda. Use it. Make your expectations very clear to your daughter. You can always loosen up later. As difficult as it will be to dash her hopes now, it will be a thousand times more difficult to regain the upper hand if she shows up with three footloose problem children looking for a comfy place to settle in. The parents on this site have been through so many horrific experiences, Rhonda. Believe me, you do not want your daughter cruising in with three addicted friends. I am sorry to sound so harsh. And I am sorry for your pain. I remember how I hoped and believed and prayed and tried to pretend what was happening to us was somehow acceptable on some level. But it never was. It was a nightmare. There is something in a mother that refuses to see, that chooses to love and to believe in. Continue posting, whatever you decide to do and however it works out. We have been where you are, now. We can share our experiences as you begin walking this path with your daughter. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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