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Parent Emeritus
difficult child Fugitive and headed here.. with friends!
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<blockquote data-quote="Rhonda" data-source="post: 252936" data-attributes="member: 6732"><p>UPDATE! After telling her I would not help her she did not reply to me. I called once and she did not answer. </p><p> </p><p>I have located the local shelters that are the safest and have their numbers and some good recommendations from a very nice lady at the outreach program.</p><p> </p><p>As far as worrying about the kids with her. None of them are drug dealers (yet) they are all from a little town in MS and probably as worthless as her at the moment. I am sure that it was my difficult child that manipulated them not the other way around. She has been trying to talk someone in to bringing her out her for a few weeks. She may be trying to case the joint! All of these kids have parents that have no idea they are even gone if I am right. Unfortunately they are all 18 or older. I know that at least one was a senior in high school. I am writing out the address to the shelter on four sheets of paper to give to all four kids. I am not letting them stay in my home. I have told her 3 times now to turn around and go back that I will not help her.</p><p> </p><p>The last I herd from her was while I was typing this. She text me this: "Can we at least rest a little at the house when we get there? And you and I can take the dogs for a walk and talk about it?"</p><p>My Response:"When do you expect to be here? Showing up with 3 friends without prior discussion is not OK. Call me when you are alone to talk. "</p><p> </p><p>S.O. and I discussed this and he wants to meet these kids before we make a choice to feed them a dinner (here or out somewhere or not at all). I completely agree with everyone out here and I am very skeptical of her and her intentions. But, remember, this is the very 1st time she has even asked to talk about trying to turn her life around. I dont have all of the failures to rely on yet. I haven't been through trying to help and it failing over and over since she left. This is my first opportunity to even see if I think she might possibly want to change her life. I want to see if I at least think she has reached a turning point. I don't hold out any hopes (well only the tiniest). I am putting my plan down on paper so that I know how to handle it. </p><p> </p><p>I will put it out here so you can blast it if it needs it! I want to try to do it right (if that is possible). I want to protect myself while offering what I can without enabling her. </p><p> </p><p>So far this is where I am: </p><p>1 Offer to walk with her and her friends can sit in the car or go the other direction.</p><p>2 Hear her out....this is where she will try to blow sunshine up my rear and I will smile and say "honey that is such a good idea"</p><p>3 I will then tell her that I have talked to "list of shelters" and tell her which one sounded the best. I will offer to drive to the place and let her ride with me and her friends follow or she can ride with them or they can go it alone.</p><p>4 I will offer to continue to come to her each day where she is so that we can try to figure out what help I could possibly be to her but more importantly to see if she is ready to accept help (eagle eye mom-detective on the job). Although I dont see what I can do except hold her hand while she is brave enough to start fixing things. And of course love her if she will let me, sometimes this part is quite hard for our kids.</p><p> </p><p>Well that is it. I dont want to do a contract or anything like that unless she actually wants to come live at home.. I dont think she will ever do that again, but even if she does, keep in mind that will be a long way off. She has the police in MS to deal with before that could ever happen.</p><p> </p><p>I will wait and see how she handles what I am offering (not much huh). I suspect she thinks I will be so happy to see her again that I will break and take her in. But she doesnt realize that I dont want her back. I would love to have my daughter from last summer back but not this one.. no way! I may want "who she becomes after some serious help" in my home...but not this untrustworthy lieing theif (who I happen to love dearly).</p><p> </p><p>So.. I know I sound pretty placid. But, so far I am. I expect to be humbled by my feelings at the sight of her lovely face (with the added piercings through her eyebrow, lip, and tounge that I have never seen). But through the tears, I will still be me. And I dont break easily. OH and I have a secret weapon..."the Parent Emeritus" gods and goddesses! She has no idea of the power I have behind me! Together we are much stronger than her lies and drugs.. I will survive with the crutch I am using.. I am not sure she will with hers.......</p><p> </p><p>Rhonda</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rhonda, post: 252936, member: 6732"] UPDATE! After telling her I would not help her she did not reply to me. I called once and she did not answer. I have located the local shelters that are the safest and have their numbers and some good recommendations from a very nice lady at the outreach program. As far as worrying about the kids with her. None of them are drug dealers (yet) they are all from a little town in MS and probably as worthless as her at the moment. I am sure that it was my difficult child that manipulated them not the other way around. She has been trying to talk someone in to bringing her out her for a few weeks. She may be trying to case the joint! All of these kids have parents that have no idea they are even gone if I am right. Unfortunately they are all 18 or older. I know that at least one was a senior in high school. I am writing out the address to the shelter on four sheets of paper to give to all four kids. I am not letting them stay in my home. I have told her 3 times now to turn around and go back that I will not help her. The last I herd from her was while I was typing this. She text me this: "Can we at least rest a little at the house when we get there? And you and I can take the dogs for a walk and talk about it?" My Response:"When do you expect to be here? Showing up with 3 friends without prior discussion is not OK. Call me when you are alone to talk. " S.O. and I discussed this and he wants to meet these kids before we make a choice to feed them a dinner (here or out somewhere or not at all). I completely agree with everyone out here and I am very skeptical of her and her intentions. But, remember, this is the very 1st time she has even asked to talk about trying to turn her life around. I dont have all of the failures to rely on yet. I haven't been through trying to help and it failing over and over since she left. This is my first opportunity to even see if I think she might possibly want to change her life. I want to see if I at least think she has reached a turning point. I don't hold out any hopes (well only the tiniest). I am putting my plan down on paper so that I know how to handle it. I will put it out here so you can blast it if it needs it! I want to try to do it right (if that is possible). I want to protect myself while offering what I can without enabling her. So far this is where I am: 1 Offer to walk with her and her friends can sit in the car or go the other direction. 2 Hear her out....this is where she will try to blow sunshine up my rear and I will smile and say "honey that is such a good idea" 3 I will then tell her that I have talked to "list of shelters" and tell her which one sounded the best. I will offer to drive to the place and let her ride with me and her friends follow or she can ride with them or they can go it alone. 4 I will offer to continue to come to her each day where she is so that we can try to figure out what help I could possibly be to her but more importantly to see if she is ready to accept help (eagle eye mom-detective on the job). Although I dont see what I can do except hold her hand while she is brave enough to start fixing things. And of course love her if she will let me, sometimes this part is quite hard for our kids. Well that is it. I dont want to do a contract or anything like that unless she actually wants to come live at home.. I dont think she will ever do that again, but even if she does, keep in mind that will be a long way off. She has the police in MS to deal with before that could ever happen. I will wait and see how she handles what I am offering (not much huh). I suspect she thinks I will be so happy to see her again that I will break and take her in. But she doesnt realize that I dont want her back. I would love to have my daughter from last summer back but not this one.. no way! I may want "who she becomes after some serious help" in my home...but not this untrustworthy lieing theif (who I happen to love dearly). So.. I know I sound pretty placid. But, so far I am. I expect to be humbled by my feelings at the sight of her lovely face (with the added piercings through her eyebrow, lip, and tounge that I have never seen). But through the tears, I will still be me. And I dont break easily. OH and I have a secret weapon..."the Parent Emeritus" gods and goddesses! She has no idea of the power I have behind me! Together we are much stronger than her lies and drugs.. I will survive with the crutch I am using.. I am not sure she will with hers....... Rhonda [/QUOTE]
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difficult child Fugitive and headed here.. with friends!
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