difficult child gone, but my mom is staying with us.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Sep 17, 2007.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    OMG - my mom has been with me for 2 weeks and I love her. In fact, I wish she didn't have to leave because I worry about her all alone in her apt so far away. My sister lives nearby her, but my sister's a meanie and she's not nice to my mom so much and hardly ever visits her. This Saturday we're having a party for mom's 85th birthday and some family is coming up and over to spend the day - it should be nice.

    Okay, so I said the nice stuff...lol. My mother gets in her own way. She's incredibly overweight and doesn't move, she eats all the wrong stuff and I have to hide food and things from her. She messes all over herself and my house. I have cleaned the bathroom (completely bleached it down from top to bottom), no lie, at least 6-7 times in 2 weeks since she arrived. I finally got her to agree to wear the diaper pants. I was so upset at having to have that conversation - I don't want to take away her dignity and I know she's embarrassed and it's horrifying for her (and me) to admit that it's time. I really doubt her ability to live on her own anymore, and yet, there is little I can do at this time because none of my siblings are on the same page. Even if she lived with me I wouldn't be able to take care of this 24/7/365. I just wouldn't. It's too much. And she's not getting any smaller, so what if she became disabled or incapacitated?

    If I am there, she expects to be waited on hand and foot. She will hold out a cup and say simply" "Water". I notice when I'm not there she eats and fends for herself just fine, but if I'm there, she expects that I will wait on her. Get her food, drinks, socks, etc. She won't say, "Can you please get me some slippers or a blanket?" Instead, she will hug herself, shiver loudly and say, "oh my, I'm so cold...are you cold?" Ugh. I work full time and on the weekends I am running myself ragged trying to get everything organized for the week ahead. I love having her and knowing she's better here, but my God, it's a lot of work. My hands are raw from cleaning and laundry!! More than ever!! I'm actually tired and this weekend I hardly sat and relaxed once.

    Right now my goal is to throw her the best darned 85th birthday party ever and send her off happy. I feel like I've traded in one difficult child for another.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Jo! I hope you get that rest soon. You deserve some 'me' time!

    I hope the party is a big success and she has good memories of the visit - but not good enough to want to move in! LOL!
  3. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    How much longer is mom going to be there, Jo?

    It sounds like you are making her feel cherished. You will never regret having done it.

    But it sure sounds like alot of work!

    I can hardly believe the little stinker is letting you wait on her hand and foot like that!

    I can just see her shivering and asking you whether you are cold!


  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    We picked up mom in Pa on the tail end of our VA/WV trip over Labor Day weekend and she is here until this Sunday following the big bash. You know, it is a lot of work, but I know in my heart that it's the least I can do for her. She wasn't the greatest mom every step of the way growing up, but she wasn't all bad and in fact, there were times when she was aweseom so, I chose to let go of the bad stuff a long time ago and hold on to the fact that she did the best with what SHE knew just like we all do, Know what I mean??

    She does have a knack for making her morning entrance just as I'm dashing out the door for work in the morning, so she makes me late almost daily because it's, "Please get my coffee" or "I'll take a piece of that delicious quiche you made!" - LOL

    Also, my sister sent me an email about a bacterial infection very common in small children and the aged that causes incredible digestive problems and my mother's symptoms match perfectly. So, I printed it out and she will check with her DR to see if she has it. All it requires is a a 2 week round of antibiotics! What a blessing it would be if that were the problem, because I certainly could not imagine her living out her days like this.