difficult child gone

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Feb 9, 2010.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    We went to the triage meeting today and it was a joke. They would not let us finish a single sentence. The spoke to difficult child without us being in the room and got him agitated before the meeting started. They reissued the warrant and had an officer pick him up right after the meeting. UGH!! They didn't even have the guts to tells us they had an officer waiting. We were leaving the meeting and we asked so do we take him to school and the JPO looked at us and said yes take him to school and I will call you later. Coward. That witch that isn't even part of his team was the one running the meeting today.I wish she would get fired. She is so hateful
    So now we pray that the judge will allow with to have treatment instead of detention center. It makes me mad because he was doing so well until he got jumped. He was now in violation because he left the school campus instead of engaging with the school employees. Isn't it better that he chose to walk away. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WILL DO IF THEY PUT HIM IN THE DETENTION CENTER. He has already been threw so much.
     
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry it turned out this way but not surprised. If it's like things are here, when a person is on probation or parole, that PO can have the probation/parole revoked upon violation of terms or another illegal activity and the person gets incarcerated- I basicly felt like my parental rights had been given to the PO because legally, they call the shots at that point. I, too, tried to get Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for my son instead of him ending up in Department of Juvenile Justice and I started trying prior to him violating or re-offending. They did nothing until he reoffended, then committed himm to Department of Juvenile Justice. That's how it works.

    I know you care for your son and trust me, I know it's hard for you. But you have to just accept whatever they decide about your son's placement and you will survive it. He will survive it- shoot, mine was first in detention at 12yo, then again at 13yo, and commiitted to Department of Juvenile Justice 2 weeks after turning 14yo, where he has been the past year. Your son might get a short time in the detention center but as I advised before, it might help hhim learn his lesson quicker if you present a tougher front to him.
     
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Years ago I made the mistake of standing up for my poor little son when things seem to go against him. I went to bat for him time and time again. I invested in his mental health treatment, I paid his probation fees, I set up his community service....get it, I did, I did, I did!! And what did he do? He continued to get himself in more and more trouble.

    He too was jumped, but with a baseball bat and a knife by 6 teens and two grown men. He went somewhere he knew he shouldn't go, and his choices led to his assault. I fought to have the offenders prosecuted, but I never let him think he was not responsible. When he and some of his "friends" threatened retaliation, he went to jail for threats. I did not bail him out.

    I wish I had held him more accountable when he was underage. Maybe he would have been different today. Now he is 22, unemployed, facing possession charges (again because he was in the wrong place, but it was his choice to be there). I was wrong. He was wrong. I learned from my mistakes. He didn't. I make different choices; he still makes the same choices and expects me to save him. I don't.
     
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Mog}}} I'm sorry your mommy heart is hurting so badly tonight... I'll keep difficult child in my prayers for a resolution to this that is in his best interests.
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    (((hugs)))
     
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Listen to EW, let the chips fall where they may now while he is younger. I was like her and tried to save my son when he was young and regret it. Now he is older and made the same mistakes as an adult and is paying for them because they dont play...and I dont play...when he is an adult.
     
  7. Bean

    Bean Member

    This is sound advice.

    Sometimes I wonder if I would have let the chips fall a bit more, if my daughter would have learned accountability earlier. As much as I would love some tx for her (rather than incarceration), until she accepts that her poor choices have led to her situational stressors, it really isn't going to matter. There's always someone or something to blame (in her case).
     
  8. mog

    mog Member

    We went to court today and the judge ordered that he be detained until Monday when his original court date was. They have suggested Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which is more bases for pt's with bipolar. Unfortunately they have a 4 month waiting list so they have also suggested one that is in Colorado. Does anyone know anything about Southern Peaks?
     
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    mog, I just read this ~ what a hit in the head. Saying that, EW has a lot of good advice.

    We've been allowing the tweedles to accept responsibility/consequences for the choices they've made ~ hard to watch but very necessary. I cannot hide them from the real world anymore.

    Keeping positive thoughts for the best outcome for difficult child; sending you a shoulder to lean of if you need it. Take care of you now.
     
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's what I was trying to get my son in, but couldn't- not that particular place but a psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC).


    Anyway, I know you don't want your son away from home but if they are saying he can't stay home right now, you are lucky that your in a location where authorities will recommend placements like this, and even luckier if they are going to pay especially for an out-of-state Residential Treatment Center (RTC).
     
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