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difficult child, gparents, meltdown
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 179178" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Thanks guys.</p><p>Fran I think you nailed my exact question on the head. I cannot discern if he fighting and fleeing so to speak is because there may be normal outside world expectations put on him - or because of the mis-happenings that have gone between his gparents and him. The abuse, happened when my dad became as out of control as my kid. It was not good, and I never was able to get the full details when it happened, because my mom did a good job covering it up. I do know that sometimes there were bruises, and there were stories relayed to me by difficult child that pop shook him, and slapped him. My father sexually abused me, and I am not sure there was not an episode that did not actually occur when difficult child was 2. Again, it was always hidden from me - and I could only piece together pieces. I was in a really tough spot for most of difficult children life with having to work weekends, and nights, and early, early mornings, and there was not daycare providers during those times. Many times I went against my intuition, and trusted that my parents had the best of intentions and left my kid there. He was a hard child, is a hard child - so there was always the added, who else can take care of him when I work. However, those are all rationlizations. In retrospect, I failed to provide a safe environment for my child, and he was not treated appropriately.</p><p></p><p>So, it brings me back to still not really knowing what caused yesterdays response - but I do think I need to respect who he wants to see in his life. I have an OK relationship with my parents and see them every weekend at their house, so I am not worried this jeopardizing what I want. </p><p></p><p>Susie, yes, he knows about this ongoing episode at work with witchy-woman and her harassment. I think he knows I am really upset, and he is very protective of me - so that could also be adding more stress to him. I did think it was odd that he had this almost fight or flight response, in the midst of me struggling with the same thing - although I have not really shown that at home or around him. I think he really did have has own similar episode, which is why this is hit me so hard. I really got it. I really could see it so clearly, because it is how I have been feeling for weeks. Which is why I so adamantly wanted to protect him, and respect his feelings.</p><p></p><p>Fran, I think my difficult child will be one of the kids who needs to live in an insulated environment. He has never done well in the mainstream of life, and it is only now, that so much of the real world stress has lifted that he is finally able to function with-out melting down daily. He has gone months, adhering to our house rules and being a loving kid. What type of facility does your son live in. How does he make ends meet?</p><p></p><p>Thanks again guys. I will continue to trust my mommy-spidey sense.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 179178, member: 3301"] Thanks guys. Fran I think you nailed my exact question on the head. I cannot discern if he fighting and fleeing so to speak is because there may be normal outside world expectations put on him - or because of the mis-happenings that have gone between his gparents and him. The abuse, happened when my dad became as out of control as my kid. It was not good, and I never was able to get the full details when it happened, because my mom did a good job covering it up. I do know that sometimes there were bruises, and there were stories relayed to me by difficult child that pop shook him, and slapped him. My father sexually abused me, and I am not sure there was not an episode that did not actually occur when difficult child was 2. Again, it was always hidden from me - and I could only piece together pieces. I was in a really tough spot for most of difficult children life with having to work weekends, and nights, and early, early mornings, and there was not daycare providers during those times. Many times I went against my intuition, and trusted that my parents had the best of intentions and left my kid there. He was a hard child, is a hard child - so there was always the added, who else can take care of him when I work. However, those are all rationlizations. In retrospect, I failed to provide a safe environment for my child, and he was not treated appropriately. So, it brings me back to still not really knowing what caused yesterdays response - but I do think I need to respect who he wants to see in his life. I have an OK relationship with my parents and see them every weekend at their house, so I am not worried this jeopardizing what I want. Susie, yes, he knows about this ongoing episode at work with witchy-woman and her harassment. I think he knows I am really upset, and he is very protective of me - so that could also be adding more stress to him. I did think it was odd that he had this almost fight or flight response, in the midst of me struggling with the same thing - although I have not really shown that at home or around him. I think he really did have has own similar episode, which is why this is hit me so hard. I really got it. I really could see it so clearly, because it is how I have been feeling for weeks. Which is why I so adamantly wanted to protect him, and respect his feelings. Fran, I think my difficult child will be one of the kids who needs to live in an insulated environment. He has never done well in the mainstream of life, and it is only now, that so much of the real world stress has lifted that he is finally able to function with-out melting down daily. He has gone months, adhering to our house rules and being a loving kid. What type of facility does your son live in. How does he make ends meet? Thanks again guys. I will continue to trust my mommy-spidey sense. [/QUOTE]
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