Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
difficult child has gone off the deep end
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 621574" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I know this is something we all think about and wonder about in our heart of hearts. </p><p></p><p>How much do we help our precious adult difficult children? </p><p>Do we keep on and on helping? </p><p>How many times is enough times? </p><p>What if it never works and we go bankrupt? </p><p>Isn't it worth it because it is our kids? </p><p>What if the next time is the time it works? </p><p></p><p>Like TL said, if this is cancer, don't we try it all? Diabetes? etc.</p><p></p><p>This is a tough one. A few things I think are relevant---realizing there is no absolute, clear answer to the above:</p><p></p><p>1. Resources are finite. Money, time, etc. We don't have unlimited resources, any of us. </p><p>2. If the person doesn't want to change, you can send them to Hazelden (one of the very best and most successful in outcomes) and spend tens of thousands and it won't matter. David Sheff, a nationally known journalist who has a lot of money, sent his son to multiple, very expensive private rehabs, and Nic still relapsed after he got through and out of ALL of them. I don't know if he is clean today or not. Does each rehab help even though they relapse? Who knows? To me, it makes sense that at least the person is hearing the "right stuff", even if they can't/don't/won't practice it consistently. But only God knows. </p><p>3. Everybody's bottom is different. One person in Al-Anon told me after a meeting one time (take what you like here...) that the only real rock bottom is death. (I sure didn't feel good when she said that).</p><p>4. You can spend a lot of money and the person still isn't "cured" of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc. You might buy some time if the person is compliant with treatment, the stars are aligned in the heavens and their case is treatable. Of course, sometimes good treatment results in a cure too.</p><p>5. So we're back where we are started. We are adults and we can decide what our own boundaries are. Only we know what we have been through. Only we know what our own situations are. We are as significant as our difficult children are. We are only responsible for ourselves. </p><p></p><p>Kathy, I don't know what I will do if my difficult child ever wants to go to rehab. All of the other times he has gone---it's been me wanting it and pushing it and him dragging behind. It's never been---to my knowledge---something he really wanted. </p><p></p><p>If and when that day ever comes, I believe I will help him get there. I don't know what that will look like. </p><p></p><p>I am through trying to get him to do something that he doesn't initiate, push and want. It doesn't work. And if he wants it badly, it still might not work. </p><p></p><p>Blessings to you today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 621574, member: 17542"] I know this is something we all think about and wonder about in our heart of hearts. How much do we help our precious adult difficult children? Do we keep on and on helping? How many times is enough times? What if it never works and we go bankrupt? Isn't it worth it because it is our kids? What if the next time is the time it works? Like TL said, if this is cancer, don't we try it all? Diabetes? etc. This is a tough one. A few things I think are relevant---realizing there is no absolute, clear answer to the above: 1. Resources are finite. Money, time, etc. We don't have unlimited resources, any of us. 2. If the person doesn't want to change, you can send them to Hazelden (one of the very best and most successful in outcomes) and spend tens of thousands and it won't matter. David Sheff, a nationally known journalist who has a lot of money, sent his son to multiple, very expensive private rehabs, and Nic still relapsed after he got through and out of ALL of them. I don't know if he is clean today or not. Does each rehab help even though they relapse? Who knows? To me, it makes sense that at least the person is hearing the "right stuff", even if they can't/don't/won't practice it consistently. But only God knows. 3. Everybody's bottom is different. One person in Al-Anon told me after a meeting one time (take what you like here...) that the only real rock bottom is death. (I sure didn't feel good when she said that). 4. You can spend a lot of money and the person still isn't "cured" of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc. You might buy some time if the person is compliant with treatment, the stars are aligned in the heavens and their case is treatable. Of course, sometimes good treatment results in a cure too. 5. So we're back where we are started. We are adults and we can decide what our own boundaries are. Only we know what we have been through. Only we know what our own situations are. We are as significant as our difficult children are. We are only responsible for ourselves. Kathy, I don't know what I will do if my difficult child ever wants to go to rehab. All of the other times he has gone---it's been me wanting it and pushing it and him dragging behind. It's never been---to my knowledge---something he really wanted. If and when that day ever comes, I believe I will help him get there. I don't know what that will look like. I am through trying to get him to do something that he doesn't initiate, push and want. It doesn't work. And if he wants it badly, it still might not work. Blessings to you today. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
difficult child has gone off the deep end
Top