difficult child has made contact...but it's not pretty

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by AliceLee, Feb 24, 2007.

  1. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Hello friends. Our difficult child called me yesterday afternoon. I wasn't able to talk in depth because I was working, but I did get that she was at boyfriend's mom's house. I asked if she was ok, she said yes. She said she'd try to email me, but they'd been having trouble with their email system at work (apparently she still has her job).

    I never did hear from her last night, so I assumed the email was still down.

    This morning, I went to a job fair. When I finished, easy child called my cell and said that difficult child was at home. I got on the phone with difficult child, who immediately hit me with, "The apartment maintenance man went in my apartment for no apparent reason and put the dog out on the balcony. She was out there freezing all night." She then went on to tell me that the apartment people were demanding a $300 pet deposit or they were gonna call animal control. She said she didn't have the money (surprise, surprise!) and would I take the dog for a while. I hesitated a little, then said I'd have to check with Daddy. She said she needed to know right then because she couldn't take her back to the apartment, so I caved and said, "Yes, she can stay with us for a little while." (I love the puppy).

    Next, I asked her if she had any idea how worried we had been when she just disappeared for more than 3 days. She mumbled a very lame, "sorry" (didn't sound sorry, sounded irritated). I then said that I didn't think she sounded very sorry and that I didn't appreciate her lack of consideration for us. She said something about, "I wasn't even really living with you, you just assumed that I had moved back in." I said that that didn't matter, it's wrong not to let your loved ones know what's going on. Well, she didn't want to hear that, so she said, "Forget about taking care of the dog. I don't ever want to talk to you again." and hung up on me. I called back and asked easy child to ask difficult child to leave our house key when she left.

    When I got home, there was a most lovely note with the house key.
    "I hope you're f****n happy now. I'm taking the dog to the pound. I don't want you to contact me again." Well, the feeling is mutual.

    I'm pretty sure that she's using the dog to manipulate me and that she won't take her to the pound. But if she has nowhere else to take it, that may happen... Do ya'll (yes, I'm southern) think it's enabling if I check with the pound over the next week or so and adopt her if she shows up there?

    Hearthope, I guess I WASN'T joking about getting custody of the puppy in my other post!
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't see anything wrong with saving the puppy if it ends up at the pound.

    The only downside is that if your difficult child discovers that you have the puppy she will probably claim that it is really her dog and may try to take it away from you.

    I'm sure the dog would be better off with you. I am assuming that your difficult child wasn't supposed to have the dog in the first place or wasn't honest with the landlord.

    Typical difficult child behavior. Mine had a cat in hers even though she didn't let the management know. She ended up giving it away when it started to claw the furniture. Now she has someone else's dog living there.

    There are a lot of things I'd rather not know. My difficult child has even offered to take care of our dog when we go out of town but there is no chance in hell that I would trust her with our Abbygirl.

  3. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    don't think me cold, but if difficult child has found a solution to the animal situation then great. I do think if you adopt that puppy you'll be starting a new "saga" to your relationship with difficult child.
  4. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    If the dog is in the pound, please save her if possible. Why should the dog suffer because of difficult child? You obviously care about her, please don't leave her there. The shelters in this country are overflowing and unless she's a pure bred she'll most likely be euthanized. Please save the dog if you can.
  5. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    What I would do about the dog ~

    Call the pound and ask to speak to the director, tell the director the the story of how the dog was placed there and go into small detail of difficult child and the issues you are facing.

    Next do a search for rescue groups in your area. There are breed specific groups and groups for all mixes. These groups have foster homes that will take her and match her with a loving forever home.

    I would help the dog, but I would in no way let difficult child know that I did.

    The director of the pound should also be able to refer you to some groups, most pounds work with alot of them.

    What kind of dog is she? If she is full blooded, then each breed has a group that works to keep their breed out of shelters.

    I am sorry that difficult child was so ugly to you. I know how you feel. I would take this time and help yourself. Do what ever it is that brings you some happiness.

    She will contact you again. You do what you have to now to be strong when she does.
  6. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    Well Alice Lee, I think you get to stop for just a moment and give yourself a hug and a pat on the back.

    Here is an extra, very sincere hug from me, and I am sure from every one of us who has been in a similar situation.

    You really did a nice job on handling difficult child this time.

    She mistreated you again, indulged in her typical verbally abusive behaviors again, and tried to hurt you by implying that she would leave the puppy at the pound.


    Don't buy into any of it.

    Do you really think difficult child will bring the puppy to the pound?

    Then that is an opportunity for you to tell her what you think about people who use innocent animals to manipulate their mothers.

    Do you want the puppy?

    Then go to the pound and make it your own dog.

    If it is in the pound now (and I doubt that it is) then difficult child has given up all claim to it.

    She is working to put you in the Guilty Seat, Alice Lee.

    Don't sit down.

    Keep posting ~ however foolish it feels to you as you go through it, keep posting about it.

    How did that movie go? The one where Will Smith says to his litte boy "I got your back"?

    Well, we are all here, protecting YOUR back.


  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Yep. You did an awesome job with difficult child this time. Way To Go!!! :bravo:

    I can't say I blame you wanting the pup if she did take it to the pound, since you already have feelings for it. But how do you think difficult child might react if you did adopt it? Would it possibly cause trouble later?

    Personally, I'd go pick it up if I knew it was there if I wanted it. If my difficult child had a problem with it, I'd tell em to kiss my fanny. But that's just me. lol

    Sorry difficult child gave you major attitude. been there done that.

  8. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Daisylover, I wish I did have a more of a "you can kiss my a** attitude with difficult child. Somehow, she has gotten the upper hand with me instead. I worry, walk on eggshells, and do everything I can not to upset her. Not healthy.

    Thanks for opening my eyes to something I can work on.
  9. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Oh, and about calling the pound about the dog. husband thinks difficult child is just bluffing, trying to make me feel guilty. He's probably right.

    I am beginning to love that little pooch, but I think trying to rescue it is just asking for more entanglement in difficult child's skewed little world. The dog is HER responsibility, not mine. If she asks me again to take the pup, I will, but I don't think I'll be calling all the dog pounds to hunt it down.