difficult child has no electricity

[Nancy]

difficult child came over today to sign her taxes. She had no money to pay them so we transferred money into her account and made her write us a postdated check for Friday payday. She didn't have much to say but looks pale and losing weight.

When she left I found out that the electricity was turned off in her apartment because she never paid the first bill. So she has no lights, no food, hair and buy beer and pot for a party. Last Saturday she took $300 out of her pay and had her hair colored and bougth beer and pot for a big party at her apartment. And today she has no food or electricity and a dog and cat to feed and life looks pretty dim. She spent her $700 pay in four days and paid not one bill.

Nancy

 

[DaisyFace]

Oh for Pete's sake!!!

I don't understand these choices...

Do you think this will be a bit of a wake-up call for her?

 

[Tiredof33]

Sounds just like my difficult child! One time when he was in rehab I visited on Mother's Day. They had been on a supervised mall visit and he bought me a gift.
As we were leaving he asked if he could borrow money! I would have been happy with just a card, at least it would have shown he was thinking about making his money last the month.
They really puzzle me, how can their thinking be so much just of the moment, no planning!

 

[Nancy]

Do I think it's a wake up call....I don't know, husband asked the same thing. The thing is she lives for the moment without thinking about tomorrow and last Saturday she had $700 to play with and she gave no thought to what she had to pay. These are real natural consequences she now has to live with. She doesn't know we know and she didn't ask for our help. She has always thought she was immune from playing by the same rules everyone else had to so I'm not sure she will learn by this or not but I hope so.

Nancy

 

[buddy]

oh dear. Sorry she is in such a state. Where are the room-mates in all of this? (wasn't there a couple of guys involved here? or am I mixing up CD board kids?? sorry) It just goes on and on for you, I am so sorry.

 

[DDD]

I didn't realize she still had her job, Nancy. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you and husband. I do continue to prayer for her...and you guys. Hugs. DDD

 

[Nancy]

The guy is in Japan in the navy (I have found out way more than I wanted about what some of our military people do when they are not being watched) and the roommate she kicked out as of the first of next month. Although I'm sure the roommate wants to leave now with no electricity. She claims the roommate wasn't doing anything with her life. She doesn't know I know it's because she is mentally unstable and difficult child let her move in not knowing her at all. Another life lesson I suppose. She also didn't have the roommate pitch in for utilities and only had her pay half the rent, not wise.

Nancy

 

[buddy]

oh wow, more complex every minute. Just so sad.

 

[BusynMember]

Sadly, so many of our kids may be very smart (or were at one time), but lack the ability to think beyond the moment. It is sad that a pot party is more important to her than electricity, but...well...I understand. I'm sorry. Really, truly sorry.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Gee whiz Nancy, I am sorry. It's so hard to watch them make these absurd choices, I know. My therapist told me that my daughter had no ability to "future think" which really helped to clear up a lot for me. She lives in the moment, tomorrow doesn't exist. And, it then made even more sense why I kept stepping in to think about her future when I could and rescue her. She would do the same exact thing, spend all her money today and have nothing left. The most difficult thing is to be on the sidelines watching their lives go up in flames and feeling powerless to stop it.

 

[Tiredof33]

My difficult child STILL does not think ahead. He baffles me completely! I have come to a point where his adult issues are his problem not mine.

If my difficult child has to live on the streets, so be it!

 

[susiestar]

i am glad you are letting her handle this with-o stepping in. she needs to experience all of this and to not have anyone rescue her. hopefully at some point she will learn. she has had a lot of rehab and therapy and treatment, and seh knows how to turn thigns around. you just have to stay hands off until she decides to use what she has learned to make a better life. while she is your daughter, none of this is your problem or business. but it is very hard to not step in, and i am sorry that you have this to worry about.

(((((hugs)))))

 

[Nancy]

I do agree that she has to figure this out herself and she has the tools to do that and if I step in I am preventing her from growing.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

I agree with not stepping in.... another opportunity to let go and let her figure it out!! Nancy how are you finding out this info and is it good for you to find this stuff out? We have not heard from difficult child since last Monday... I am more ok with that than I have evern been before although I am wondering how he is doing. I figure it is probably good he i snot contacting us because when he does it will be because he needs something. He must have found some way to survive.... and is either doing ok or is drinking himself silly. I do know he is alive by looking at his phone records... I am trying (and mostly succeeding) in not trying to figure out who he is talking to but just knowing he is tlaking or texting means he is still alive and that gives me comfort... and I am not checking every day.

In a way it is good for me not to hear from him... whereas it used to drive me nuts when we didn't know what was going on. Now I kind of just don't want to know.

TL

 

[Nancy]

TL I can still read the emails she sents the navy guy in Japan. Most of the time she sends texts which I can't read but when for some reason some of her texts go through email and I don't know the reason for that but I think it has to do with his personal phone vs his navy phone. I know I shouldn't read them, but in the past it caused me great distress and it just doesn't do that anymore. I am fairly at peace with what is happening because I know there is nothing I can do and it is interesting watching the story unfold. Maybe that means I really am becoming more detached. If she stopped using her email tomorrow or changed her password I would be OK. But she knows I have her password because in the recent past she has asked me to get things from her email and send them to her when she was in the sober house and didn't have computer access. The fact that she is going through this and not asking for our help helps me understand better.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

Nancy, LOL but the truth is if I had access to my difficult children email or text messages I am sure I would look... not sure I could stop myself so it is probably just better that I don't. I am so curious as to what he is up to.... but am also kind of glad at this point I don't know because then that would be something for me to stew about.

Today we drove by some homeless guy with a sign out asking for money... I said to husband that could be difficult child somewhere!! His response was yeah but him saying he was a Afgahanastan vet would be a lie... I laughed and said and you haven't heard him like before? But really when I see homeless people now I always wonder if that is my difficult child somewhere.

TL

 

[Nancy]

Oh TL I can see my difficult child homeless with a begging cup easily, with her dog stanging next to her. When I told easy child today she said it made her a little sad and I said I know but the problem is it doesn't make difficult child sad enough to change.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

Oh nancy - my difficult child is so out of touch with reality too. He is feeding me one set of lines, feeding my brother another - guessing he doesn't realize how easily we can connect the dots. I will post about it in a separate topic...but very similar to your post -

they think they are so original and that they are exercising their free will by living by the seat of their pants...

 

[Kathy813]

Oh, Nancy. You knew this was coming but it still must be hard to watch even if you are detached. I wonder how long she will have her apartment.

I'm kind of surprised that Navy Boy hasn't sent her some money.

{{{Hugs}}}

~Kathy

 

[Nancy]

Navy Boy spends all his money on alcohol and drugs. By his own admission he and all his navy friends are high (he used the f'd up word) all the time. Doesn't that make you feel safe?

Nancy