difficult child has plans for her stay

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, Apr 20, 2014.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    So last night we hung out with some friends who happened to be hanging at our house during difficult child's last visit. We mentioned she is now only planning to stay for the summer not permanent. Apparently she discussed this with the wife of one of the friends. The wife was waiting for us to be told. Then we got on the subject of what else was discussed. Oh dear Lord it is a mess.

    difficult child told her that she plans to move here and find a military guy to marry. I had just gotten done talking to husband about the possibility of her getting here and meeting a military guy. I didn't know that was the plan at the time.

    difficult child also said she hates her sister. Nothing new just never heard her put it so point blank. This makes me so angry though because easy child has never done anything to her.

    She is going to get a part time job. I am definitely leaning towards making her do therapy while here.

    The funny part is one of the other wives said good lord I feel sorry for the poor guy she gets her hooks in. I was amazed that without even knowing difficult child she picked right up on the fact that she is the problem not the guys. I have felt that way for years and it was kind of nice that someone else saw what I do.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  2. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    She sounds like my new daughter in law. I guess she will be able to hold it together until she gets what she wants. Nothing can be done, my daughter in law's parents warned my son to have a long engagement....but her true colors are showing now. He is on his own now, grown men have to take care of themselves. You can just watch the trainwreck. Stand as far back as possible, that's what I'm gonna do
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    She is being very friendly right now. Calling just to talk and applying for jobs when I find them. All things she would have never done or avoided doing a few months ago. I feel like I am going to have to gird my loins because I might just think she was actually nice and then get attacked by the difficult child within.

    I hope deep down that she has changed a bit but the whole moving here to get a man thing makes me think she hasnt.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I hope she finds a husband who will love and accept her for what she is. I am not being sarcastic. My ex sister in law was a real piece of work. She found a man who adores her and thinks the world of her. They are as happy as can be. Who knew???? In the infamous words of Judy Tanuga, "It could happen."
  5. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I hope so too! Of course I really think 18 or 19 is too young to marry but who knows maybe her soulmate is right here on post.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    You never know.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    In my experience, difficult children are nice to us when they want something. Has she had a revelation that would perpetrate a change in her personality? I guess I'm a chronic cynic when it comes to difficult children. I know my son is very cordial to his father when he wants money from him, but bad mouths him behind his back. If my ex knew how 36 talked about him, he would be devestated. I would never tell him. But the nice act is just an act. So keep your guard up.
  8. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I'm cynical about it too! I mentioned to husband last night that she is being very cooperative. A month ago I couldn't get her to file for unemployment now she is applying for jobs when suggested without any complaint. A month ago we spoke when she needed money now she is calling just to talk when she is bored. I dont quite know what is up!

    She either realized after her trip how good she had it and is making a change.......or........difficult child is working us for whatever it is she wants. Only time will tell.
  9. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    You sound like you are in a good place with this move home, dstc. The hardest thing is learning to keep our own center intact when we interact with our difficult child kids. Like all moms, we are fascinated with our children, are so vulnerable to and through them. difficult child kids just seem to take all that in and use it to use us.

    Maybe that is why detaching from the emotional components where our difficult children are involved brings a better outcome for them?

    It would be nice to learn how to love my difficult children without suspicion.

    Maybe that is a good definition of detachment. Learning to make it impossible for our difficult children to use us so they can finally grow into the adults we know darn well are in there.

    Under all those incredible manipulatory skills they seem to have developed at the speed of light.


    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  10. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    That is my new favorite sentence..."It could happen. "
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • List
  11. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Just for today, Dstc. Just today. None of us knows the future and we know that things can turn on a dime.

    Maybe difficult child *is* having a change of heart. Regardless, it's clear from your description that she is functioning much better than she was.

    I know that I have a tendency toward "all or nothing" thinking. Either my difficult child is doing better (good) or not (bad). Either he's good or bad.

    The fact is, just like me, he is a mixture of both with many shades of gray. I am learning to hold multiple truths constant.

    He's doing better. He's struggling. He has plans. He's relapsed. All may be true.

    Try hard just to deal with today, if you can. Leave tomorrow for tomorrow. Hugs and prayers for you.