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difficult child home alone in your house?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 625381" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Lucy, I had a few initial responses. First, your son is 27, not 10, if he is in pain, he should deal with it. There is something "off" about a 27 year old man texting his mom about his joint pain. Boys almost a decade younger are in a war zone with no one to complain to. He made his life choices, and he has to find his way through. Second, there once was an entire thread here dedicated to how our difficult child's ruin holidays, celebrations, vacations, etc. It is so common for them to create drama when we are somehow letting go, even for one moment, of living the tragedy of their lives along with them,that it seems they must pull us back in so we can ride that wild stallion of drama along with them. And, third, being master manipulators and knowing your house will be empty for 8 days, even if you didn't give him permission to stay there, the seed has already been planted......."I'm in distress Mom, you wouldn't turn your son away from a warm bed when you aren't even here, would you Mom?" You would not have that choice once you are thousands of miles away. And, lastly, and this has been my experience with my daughter..........he does not have the boundaries that you have, nor the connection to what you have worked hard for, in fact, as you've mentioned, he is against having material possessions............so when you add those things up, he would not be protective of your home and it's belongings...........his friends and associates likely wouldn't either. He doesn't respect your lifestyle choice. In fact, from what you've said, he's vehemently against it. (But perhaps not above using all the amenities as it suits him.) </p><p></p><p>For all of those reasons, I think it's s bad idea to allow him to stay in your home, I would make sure my home was protected from <u>any</u> possibility that he might gain entry. </p><p></p><p>What helped me the first time I left town when my daughter was on the verge of homelessness was leaving an envelope with cash on the outside back patio. That was really for me, it gave me the permission to leave. I was so worried about her. That act of leaving the money worked to allow me to go. And, distance was the second. Once I was on the plane headed out to 3000 miles away, I felt a lot better. And, just so you know, my home was empty, the thought of my daughter staying at my home was NOT an option at that point. Some of her friends are people that prompted my SO to say to me, "they look like they're casing the joint." And, I knew if I weren't home, those friends would be crashing at my house. My daughter, at least then, did not have any sense of responsibility for my home or my possessions and had proven that to me over many years.</p><p></p><p>Don't allow your son to ruin this trip for you Lucy. You deserve this trip, you've looked forward to it, give yourself permission to simply leave town and have a good time. Set strong boundaries to protect your home and let go and have a good time. NY is terrific, I grew up there!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 625381, member: 13542"] Lucy, I had a few initial responses. First, your son is 27, not 10, if he is in pain, he should deal with it. There is something "off" about a 27 year old man texting his mom about his joint pain. Boys almost a decade younger are in a war zone with no one to complain to. He made his life choices, and he has to find his way through. Second, there once was an entire thread here dedicated to how our difficult child's ruin holidays, celebrations, vacations, etc. It is so common for them to create drama when we are somehow letting go, even for one moment, of living the tragedy of their lives along with them,that it seems they must pull us back in so we can ride that wild stallion of drama along with them. And, third, being master manipulators and knowing your house will be empty for 8 days, even if you didn't give him permission to stay there, the seed has already been planted......."I'm in distress Mom, you wouldn't turn your son away from a warm bed when you aren't even here, would you Mom?" You would not have that choice once you are thousands of miles away. And, lastly, and this has been my experience with my daughter..........he does not have the boundaries that you have, nor the connection to what you have worked hard for, in fact, as you've mentioned, he is against having material possessions............so when you add those things up, he would not be protective of your home and it's belongings...........his friends and associates likely wouldn't either. He doesn't respect your lifestyle choice. In fact, from what you've said, he's vehemently against it. (But perhaps not above using all the amenities as it suits him.) For all of those reasons, I think it's s bad idea to allow him to stay in your home, I would make sure my home was protected from [U]any[/U] possibility that he might gain entry. What helped me the first time I left town when my daughter was on the verge of homelessness was leaving an envelope with cash on the outside back patio. That was really for me, it gave me the permission to leave. I was so worried about her. That act of leaving the money worked to allow me to go. And, distance was the second. Once I was on the plane headed out to 3000 miles away, I felt a lot better. And, just so you know, my home was empty, the thought of my daughter staying at my home was NOT an option at that point. Some of her friends are people that prompted my SO to say to me, "they look like they're casing the joint." And, I knew if I weren't home, those friends would be crashing at my house. My daughter, at least then, did not have any sense of responsibility for my home or my possessions and had proven that to me over many years. Don't allow your son to ruin this trip for you Lucy. You deserve this trip, you've looked forward to it, give yourself permission to simply leave town and have a good time. Set strong boundaries to protect your home and let go and have a good time. NY is terrific, I grew up there!! [/QUOTE]
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