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difficult child Home from First Semester at College
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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 570714" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Weary,</p><p>I feel for you, I really do. I, too, have a son that we adopted at about 16 mos. old, and from the age of about 12 he accentuated his differences between us in an almost comical fashion. They sound like they're related: my son also has acne flare ups, looks at himself obsessively in the mirror, has narcissistic traits, and goes on and on ad nauseum about certain topics that he likes to show his "superior" knowledge about. He also did very little work in HS, skated by, has issues with self discipline, and flailed a bit in his first semester freshman yr. of college. However, my difficult child has substance abuse issues as well. He had been seeing an excellent psychiatrist in our hometown, who helped him a great deal, to the extent that he was willing to be helped. If it's any consolation, our difficult child has matured a bit, to the point where he's *almost* tolerable in brief doses - lol!</p><p>husband and I also find the house to be much more relaxing and peaceful when he's away at school. I think that's completely normal. I don't know exactly how I've reached a level of detachment, but worry no longer consumes me as it formerly did. If he bombs out of school, it's his ultimate problem. If he won't work, it is his problem. It doesn't mean we don't love him, it's just that he has to show up for his own life - we cannot do that for our kids, or anyone else. </p><p>husband warned me many years ago that adopting would add a level of complication to our parenting experience, and I, of course, didn't believe him, but he was right. It's part and parcel of our parenting reality which we entered into wholeheartedly, and we are doing the very best we can with what we know. I'm sure the same goes for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 570714, member: 13882"] Weary, I feel for you, I really do. I, too, have a son that we adopted at about 16 mos. old, and from the age of about 12 he accentuated his differences between us in an almost comical fashion. They sound like they're related: my son also has acne flare ups, looks at himself obsessively in the mirror, has narcissistic traits, and goes on and on ad nauseum about certain topics that he likes to show his "superior" knowledge about. He also did very little work in HS, skated by, has issues with self discipline, and flailed a bit in his first semester freshman yr. of college. However, my difficult child has substance abuse issues as well. He had been seeing an excellent psychiatrist in our hometown, who helped him a great deal, to the extent that he was willing to be helped. If it's any consolation, our difficult child has matured a bit, to the point where he's *almost* tolerable in brief doses - lol! husband and I also find the house to be much more relaxing and peaceful when he's away at school. I think that's completely normal. I don't know exactly how I've reached a level of detachment, but worry no longer consumes me as it formerly did. If he bombs out of school, it's his ultimate problem. If he won't work, it is his problem. It doesn't mean we don't love him, it's just that he has to show up for his own life - we cannot do that for our kids, or anyone else. husband warned me many years ago that adopting would add a level of complication to our parenting experience, and I, of course, didn't believe him, but he was right. It's part and parcel of our parenting reality which we entered into wholeheartedly, and we are doing the very best we can with what we know. I'm sure the same goes for you. [/QUOTE]
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