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difficult child Home from First Semester at College
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<blockquote data-quote="WearyWoman" data-source="post: 570735"><p>MWM - Truth is, difficult child would be much less likely to succeed in a forced choice of some other degree program. It's hard enough when he is motivated, let alone when he is not. difficult child works full-time the whole summer to help pay for college doing construction work. I don't want him to work while taking classes, as a full-time courseload is equivalent to a full-time job. I am a college instructor, and the college I work for advises full-time students against taking on full-time work, or even part-time work when they have a high number of credits, a particularly challenging courseload, and/or struggle academically, in order to maximize their opportunities for success. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad the community college/living at home route worked for your difficult child. You mentioned the prospect of throwing money away, and I agree this is a risk - that difficult child could fail in college away from home, and then you can say, "I told you so . . . " But, there are costs (albeit nonmonetary) of living with a difficult child too. It's taken its toll on our family - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Honestly, if I put myself in a position to supervise him by requiring him to give up his career of choice in order to live at home and go to a community college, I think he would resent that, which would lead to more acting out, which would lead to more stress on everyone, which would lead to a higher likelihood of failure anyway. JT has a passion for this particular field, and I support that. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should tell him that because he's a difficult child he will probably fail out there and that he should come home so I can keep an eye on him better, supervise him, and continue to be a manager of his life. But, my intuition tells me this would be the wrong choice in his case at this point. It may still come to that, though, if he chooses not to do the required work to succeed in his program. I hope that doesn't happen. Despite everything, I choose to have hope that as JT's problems become JT's problems (not mine), he will make choices that support his own success.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WearyWoman, post: 570735"] MWM - Truth is, difficult child would be much less likely to succeed in a forced choice of some other degree program. It's hard enough when he is motivated, let alone when he is not. difficult child works full-time the whole summer to help pay for college doing construction work. I don't want him to work while taking classes, as a full-time courseload is equivalent to a full-time job. I am a college instructor, and the college I work for advises full-time students against taking on full-time work, or even part-time work when they have a high number of credits, a particularly challenging courseload, and/or struggle academically, in order to maximize their opportunities for success. I'm glad the community college/living at home route worked for your difficult child. You mentioned the prospect of throwing money away, and I agree this is a risk - that difficult child could fail in college away from home, and then you can say, "I told you so . . . " But, there are costs (albeit nonmonetary) of living with a difficult child too. It's taken its toll on our family - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Honestly, if I put myself in a position to supervise him by requiring him to give up his career of choice in order to live at home and go to a community college, I think he would resent that, which would lead to more acting out, which would lead to more stress on everyone, which would lead to a higher likelihood of failure anyway. JT has a passion for this particular field, and I support that. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should tell him that because he's a difficult child he will probably fail out there and that he should come home so I can keep an eye on him better, supervise him, and continue to be a manager of his life. But, my intuition tells me this would be the wrong choice in his case at this point. It may still come to that, though, if he chooses not to do the required work to succeed in his program. I hope that doesn't happen. Despite everything, I choose to have hope that as JT's problems become JT's problems (not mine), he will make choices that support his own success. [/QUOTE]
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