difficult child hooked up with some old friends yesterday

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by KFld, Jun 22, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    difficult child called me yesterday because he was in town and wanted to come by and say hi. I was at the mall with my sister in-law and he happened to be there also. He was there with 2 old friends of his and I'm a little uneasy about it, but I also feel that he has come far enough to make the right choices.

    One of his friends used to live with us for a year or so, until we discovered difficult child's drug use and he went into his first rehab. He kept in contact with this friend on and off for awhile, but hadn't seen him in over 9 months until yesterday. This friend difficult child tells me is clean, but he's pretty much homeless. He never had a good family life, which still bothers me because he was always a nice kid, just needed to be pointed in the right direction by his parents, but never was. It was nice to see him and I asked him where he was living and he said, nowhere really. I gave him the little speech about getting his life together.

    The other friend actually joined the National Guard and is shipping off to Fort Knox on Monday. This kid was the first kid my difficult child got into trouble with years ago with a paintball incident and they both got involved with the juvenile court system. He has no mother and his father did nothing for him. He pretty much raised himself. I was glad to hear he was doing something with his life and he looked good.

    I guess the friend who used to live with us called him out of the blue and difficult child hooked up with them. I reminded difficult child that he's almost 9 months clean and to be careful who he's hanging with and he told me not to worry about a thing.

    I don't really think I have to be worried because I truly believe he knows now exactly what he has to loose and really appreciates what he has gained over the past 9 months. I just know these were his buddies during his time of using. I'm just praying that if the friend who's not going into the National Guard really isn't doing well, that difficult child is smart enough to have spent a day with him, then go back home and move on. I think he will, but of course theres always that little bit of fear seeing him with "the old gang".

    My sister inlaw hadn't seen difficult child since Christmas and couldn't get over how good he looked. I know he looks good, but I see him weekly. She was so pleased at how he looked :smile:
     
  2. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    I hear what you're saying, Karen, I would worry to see difficult child with his old buddies, too.

    However....most of difficult child's old buddies are locked up. Several of them for breaking probation, 1 is already back in prison and another is on his way, sitting at county jail right now.

    In truth, I don't think my difficult child made any real meaningful connections with friends growing up, you know? He does keep in contact with one old friend, who has also quit drinking and is trying to put his life together.

    Peace
     
  3. Scent of Cedar I

    Scent of Cedar I New Member

    I think you are right to be concerned.

    Hoping difficult child can do this too, Karen.

    It was bound to come to a time of choice sooner or later.

    Better sooner, maybe. The hellishness of what he has just gone through is still fresh in your son's mind.

    Maybe these other young men will turn out to be a source of strength for difficult child, if they have all decided to stop using.

    Wishing difficult child well.

    Barbara
     
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Hope that his past experiences can serve to remind him of what he has to lose by going back to drugs....maybe he can help his friends???? Saying prayers he remains strong and on the right path.....
     
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Yes, I can understand your concern as well, Karen.

    The guy Rob used to buy his pot from used to work in the shoe department of a local store. Every time I saw him I would have an emotional reaction (like I wanted to run over there and strangle him!). I'm not sure we ever get over that protective-terrified-for-our-kids-feeling.

    Fingers crossed that your difficult child has truly made that step forward.

    Hugs,
    Suz
     
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I think you can trust your son.
     
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I think he'll be fine. My friend is scared when he daughter drives to the mall, but she knows next year she will have to drive herself to college. The point is, she has to practice. And your son has to experience being around someone who maybe isn't making the best choices. It doesn't mean he will. It means he is fine with himself to know whats best for him. I think he does. He's doing great. I can understand your unease though. -Alyssa
     
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    He called me this morning and we were talking about how both his friends are doing. I told him I thought it was great that B is going in to the service and that I felt bad that C is basically homeless. He said C is just so lazy he can't believe it. I told him I didn't think he was a great influence to be around because even though he doesn't seem to be using, he's also not doing anything with his life and difficult child has come so far. He seemed to agree.

    I don't think I have anything to worry about. I have a feeling C will kind of just dissapear out of the picture since difficult child has a life right now and C doesn't seem quite ready to have one yet.
     
  9. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Oh Karen, I know exactly how you feel, I was looking at D's myspace page and I saw a few well more than a few old difficult child friends of his on there. I have both my computers locked so he cant get on without me knowing but my stomach actually turned when I saw he still had some contact with this kids, I also saw a few names on his phone list.

    DJ has come so so far you can trust him, he doesnt even sound like the same kid anymore, he has matured and is becoming a man

    Grace
     
  10. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I know he isn't the same kid anymore and that is what keeps me from really being worried. I think he has FINALLY learned to back away from situations that he knows he can't be in anymore. That is something that long before his drug use I didn't think he would ever learn to do. He was so impulsive he would was never capable of thinking about anything before it was too late.

    We are going to our house in VT on Thursday and he's coming and was supposed to be brining one of his roomates. His roomate doesn't think he'll be able to afford to take the weekend off, and surprisingly, D.J. is still coming with just us. My husband, my inlaws and myself. I thought he'd figure he'd be bored and choose not to come, but he said, I'm coming no matter what.

    We have 2 quads up there and him and husband both have gas remote control trucks, so I think they are both looking forward to having some quality time up there together.

    Now if I could just get his sister to go, who would rather stick hot pokers in her eyes because there is no mall or internet, then we could have a nice family vacation.

    Oh well, can't have everything :smile:
     
  11. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Karen, what's a "quad?"

    Suz
     
  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    It's one of those 4 wheel atv things. You know, with the fat tires that they ride in the dirt. Where our house is in VT they have trails all over to ride on. It used to be just a place for snowmobiling, but now they have gotten big into the quad trails up there too.
     
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