difficult child hospitalized today

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Raining, Aug 9, 2007.

  1. Raining

    Raining New Member

    Last 2 weeks difficult child has been actually doing well. (Which is partly why I haven't been on here that much, sorry.) Had an appointment with therapist yesterday and it was a good session. It was about us praising her on her good work and about helping her get through her anxiety with starting middle school.

    Then last night I made pizza for dinner and since all of the plates were in the washer, I used paper plates and caught her eating it after she finished her pizza. She tried to hide it from me but I saw the half doller size peice missing, and her chewing it.I told her to spit it out but it was too late. When I asked why she did that, she said it was because it tasted good and she was still hungry. So I chewed her out for eating paper when there was a whole kitchen full of food.

    Then today she was kind of moody and I couldn't keep her focused or on track on anything. husband told her to clean her bathroom which she didn't want to do. Total attitude. husband and I argued with her for a few minutes and then she stomped away. Then a few minutes later, she comes out to tell me that she tried to commit suicide and showed me her neck. She said she took a string like a shoe string and wrapped it around her neck and pulled. I hardly saw a mark except for the side of the neck it was a little red so it's possible she did. So I asked her if she was for real or was doing it for attention. She said it's for real. So the hospital that denied her a couple of months ago of admiting her said she will most likely be admited now and to come on in. So we head over there. husband starts asking her questions to see if we can get to the bottom of it all. Basically, she said her life is good and she is happy, but she has screwed up so much in the past there is no way to fix it so it's better she is gone. I called her bio father, my DEX, and he is yelling at her and calling her stupid and weak for trying to get out of living instead of trying hard at life. I told him that saying that is an issue with me.

    So we get to the hospital and update everything from the last time we were there and they admitted her. Now, the whole time we are going through everything, she is all giggly and laughing occasionally and seemed to be in a very good mood but as soon as you ask her something serious and/or about how bad her life is, she gets all sad looking, then its back to lalalala attitude. Then she said she heard some of the kids playing basketball and listening to music (recreational therapy was going on nearby) and she was excited to do that. We told her that it isn't a vacation and she is to be there to learn and it's up to her to how long she will be there. She seemed fine and dandy she will be there for awhile until she learned that she couldn't have her stuffed animal or her Harry Potter book. We even had to cut the drawstrings on her pj bottoms, she wasn't happy about that. We initialed all her clothes which kind of freaked her out. Then it was goodbye time and she hugs me and she wasn't bothered until I started crying then she starts crying then she hugs and cries on husband and leaves. Then 10 minutes later the nurse comes in to have us sign some papers about her medications and told us that difficult child was happy and fine "And not crying at all" -like that was supposed to make me feel better. It didn't. All it did was prove my gut feeling that this whole thing was about attention more than it was about her actually wanting to die, and/or wanting help and getting better.

    There was at one point where I asked her a couple of times if she still felt like killing herself and she said yes, but would then talk about something else like those words never came out of her mouth at all.

    She will be there from anywhere to 7 to 14 days. Depends on her. School starts on the 20th so there is a chance that she may miss the first few days of school. Which I feel is worse for her because she will be behind the other kids on knowing where to go and the ins and outs of the classes and teachers. She won't be behind on school work because it will be faxed to her but still....

    I know this post kind of jumbled, misspelled, and not very articulate, but my mind is not on full function and I apologize. I know there are things I have forgotten to put in here and points I was starting to go to but rambled onto something else instead. I'm sorry for that too. Like said, my mind....

    On top of all of this, I have a feeling DEX will use this against me somehow. Or will at least try to. I know he doesn't have a case agaisnt me on this or anything else, but having to fight with him is just a pain in the behind. I don't feel like dealing with that crap.

    Not really posting for advice or anything. Just wanted to come on here and let everyone know what was going on I guess....
     
  2. Raining

    Raining New Member

    Ok, maybe a few cyber hugs would be good.... Actually, I don't know what I want....
     
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Raining}}} We were recently in a similar situation. Most important is that she will be getting the help and attention she needs. Will they be evaulating her medications while she's there or just keeping her safe from harming herself? Our hospital was not very helpful and released the following day because there were no beds. I couldn't sleep at night, we had to sedate her, it was awful. She will be okay in school, a couple of days won't matter.

    Your ex really shouldn't be able to do anything at this point, as you did everything correctly - you sought help. Asking her to clean her bathroom and getting into an argument about it is not abusive. Gently hugs.
     
  4. Raining

    Raining New Member

    Thanks for the hugs JoG. I appreciate it.

    I know that DEX has nothing on me, but the whole process (if he gets one going) will be a pain to deal with. Im not afraid of him getting full custody (most of it having to do with him not really wanting it because too much responsibility). I know I have not done anything wrong by admitting her. Keeping her home and not doing anything is wrong. Now he's worried about anything financial about all of this. She has 2 insurances that will most likely cover everything. He hesitated on giving me his SS# that I needed to fill out the form at the hospital because he was afraid he would be responsible for the bill. Well according to our divorce decree, I pay the first $300 of any medical bills each year and he pays 80% of the rest. So I can see why he is worried, however, you would think he would rather have her better than worry about money. You'd think....

    She is there for an evaluation, trying to adjust her medications, and watch her for any suicide attempts. She will even be checked on every 15 minutes while she sleeps. They have group therapy and indivdual therapy etc...

    JoG, Im sorry to hear your situation didn't go well. Speaking of sleeping, difficult child is on trazodone to sleep but it gives her HUGE munchies. She eats non stop for 2 hours after taking it and even falls asleep while eating because she can't stop until she litterally just passes out. So the dr at the hospital said he wants her off of it and will give her benadril(sp) or something for tonight to sleep. I dont think that will work. It takes a lot of medications to knock her out. At one point a couple of years ago she was on 400mg of seroquil and 25mg knocked ME out and left me groggy the next day. I have sleep issues too so I passed that down to her. I have to take a lot of Xanax to sleep. OTC stuff doesn't do anything for me. I usually have to double the dose to fall asleep. Its terrible. I think they will be in for a surprise tonight to see her still awake after giving that to her.
     
  5. loricbme

    loricbme New Member

    Tracy -

    (((((BIG HUGS))))) to you!!!

    I'm really sorry about what you had to do and have been through with difficult child. You did the right thing. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to leave her there. Obviously DEX doesn't fully understand her situation. I can't imagine how anyone could call their child stupid and week expecting some kind of positive outcome. Even the therapist recommended praising her. Please keep us posted. I'm thinking of you, girl!

    Lori
     
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    (((((Raining)))))

    It does sound like most of her behavior was attention-seeking. Even so, it also sounds like she needs help. There's probably a lot of anxiety about middle school and, possibly, a medication adjustment is needed. No matter what, it sounds like her needs are greater than what you can do at home at this time.

    I know it hurts to have your baby in the hospital, but she'll be fine and they will keep her occupied and watch her. As for your ex, I wouldn't even worry about his concerns. No judge is going to listen to complaints when a hospital thinks a child should be admitted for any illness -- physical or mental. If your ex does complain, remind him that the hospital said bring her in and they are the one recommending a 7-14 day stay, not you.
     
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Aww Raining, I had a hard time keeping it together just reading your post.

    Sometimes, I am in a better frame of mind to give advice. Today is not one of those times. For now, how about some hugs for you and your girl, and some prayers.
     
  8. Janna

    Janna New Member

    {{{RAINING}}} I'm sorry for what you're going through. Gentle hugs to you. I hope the hospitalization gives difficult child something she can use to help her maintain at home.
     
  9. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Oh hun...I'm so very sorry. I'm sending you some warm hugs this afternoon. :::hugs:::
     
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Huge hugs to you, Raining!!

    Sounds like attention getting behavior to me, too. At least you know she is safe. You should try to do something for you this weekend.
     
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yeah, raining, my daughter is 17 and they gave her a combo of ativan to settle her nervousness and ambien to help her sleep (5mg only) - it did the trick. I wonder if they would consider the ambien for sleep. 5mg is half the normally prescribed dose. But she is only 13. I hope it continues well.
     
  12. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I am sure it has been raining in your heart for a long time. may the rainbow set in and bring you some sunshine while someone else takes the reins (rains..lol) for a spell.
     
  13. Raining

    Raining New Member

    Thank you guys for your words of support, and all of the hugs. Sorry I haven't posted here for over a week. Got difficult child back yesterday. I conned them into letting her come home early for school because of the concerns I said above. I got her in the morning and spent the day shopping for school clothes I wasn't able to get her while she was gone.

    Well, lets see, I called her 1-2 times a day every day and the first 3 days she was fine and having fun. By day 4 she was bored and by day 5 she wanted to come home. Therapist there told difficult child that when she comes home and acts up again, then I can bring her back and she will stay the full 2 weeks and not get out early. And if she keeps coming back enough times then they will put her in a 1 year residential treatment. I hope hope HOPE it won't come down to that. I wouldn't be able to handle it. She was gone for 9 days and it felt like a month. Imagine what a year would feel like!

    Come to find out that the whole thing revolved around her being angry and her way of expressing it was to harm herself to show how mad she was. She wanted to die, but not really wanted to kill herself. Thats why she kept saying yes to me asking her if she still wanted to kill herself. It was a 'I want to just die' feeling without wanting to kill herself. She is very angry about a lot of things and high anxiety about school. So it kind of just mixed into a big ol' ugly ball and exploded.

    DEX hasn't said a negative word since that day so he probably won't do anything. So no worries there.

    Don't know if this whole thing has helped her. To be honest, I don't think so. She came home with a slight attitude and had the whole thing about her that felt to me that she didn't learn crap.


    *sigh*

    This bites...
     
  14. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hopefully, the start of school will bring on more of a schedule and maybe that will help??
     
  15. Raining

    Raining New Member

    I hope so but I doubt it. She hates school and only goes there because she has to and just does her time and leaves.

    Tonight has been a nightmare. Caught her licking her plate from the table. She took a spray bottle tip and put it in her mouth and tried to hide it from me when I caught her. I heard a huge bang while she was showering and went in and asked her what happened and she said nothing and I asked what she was doing and she said she was about to shut the water off. Then I asked her what that noise was and she said what noise? And I said, there was a huge sound, what was it? And she said there wasnt a noise and I was like, it was a really loud sound, it had to of been something and she finally said, oh I dropped the shampoo bottle. And I said, well why didnt you say that in the first place? and she shrugs and gives me the blank look. Then she kept most of the shower curtain open while she was showering and got water all over the floor. She wanted more to eat after her daily snack and I told her no because she already pigged out. But every 1-2 min she kept coming into the livingroom showing me something else she wanted to eat. She did this about 5 times. She just couldnt get it through her head that no means no. She was looking and talking to her spoon in a weird way. Had talks with her about things that are going on and she had the blankest stare she has yet to give me. Like she was gone. Ive had the blank look of the type of "ok Ill sit here and listen until shes done ragging on me" before, but today it was like she litterally wasnt here with me at all. All I got was "I dont know" to all of my questions. Totally in her own world today. I know she isn't on drugs and I cant think of what else could make her this way. And she is only this way when I holler at her or talk to her or when she is expected to do something. All the other times she is singing and humming to herself and going about her business like everything is perfectly ok. When Im invading her world. She totally shuts down and is gone.

    I about to loose my mind, I swear... And from re-reading what I just wrote, sounds like I already have.
     
  16. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Sorry that you're having to deal with this hardship.
    Hugs-SRL
     
  17. Mrs Smith

    Mrs Smith New Member

    This is exactly how my asperger's son responds to anger and frustration. Your daughter reminds me alot of him except for the pica (eating non-food items-common on the spectrum). He does the spacing out thing and I think we've even had that exact merry-go-round conversation about the noise in the shower - what noise? that loud crashing noise! I don't know. did something fall? oh, I dropped the shampoo bottle. AHHH. The inappropriate affect (giddiness at the hospital) and the need for security items (stuffed animal/book) also remind me of my son.

    Good luck with the transition to the new school! We'll be doing that next year.
     
  18. Raining

    Raining New Member

    Does your son blank out on purpose sometimes? I noticed that my difficult child does the blank look on purpose because she knows it irritates me and gives her more attention. I can tell between the actual blank look and the fake one by the look in her eyes. If there is 'life' behind them, I know she is doing it on purpose. If there isnt, then she is having a regular blank look day. She is very intelligent and sometimes knows what she is doing.

    I did not know pica is common with aspergers. First time I caught her doing it was at about 4 years old or so. Then she stopped (or so I thought, turns out she was able to hide it from me real well) but I have been catching her doing it a lot more lately. Marbles, paper, rocks, buttons, bottle caps. Basically anything small enough to go in her mouth.

    Something gross, difficult child picks her nose and eats her boogers (gag). Is that part of the pica too? Her bio dad admits he did that too until he was about 15 or so. But to be honest I think he probably still does it now but wont admit it. Im 98% sure bio dad doesnt have pica. Bio dad and difficult child thinks its because of the salt taste. Or at least that is what she claims she likes about it.

    Only good news I have for today is that so far she is doing ok in school. But she could not doing good and I just dont know about it yet though. We will see. Parent teacher conference is coming up soon so I will find out then.

    Should I warn the teachers about her ADHD? I dont want to put a preconceived notion in their heads, but I do want to kind of warn them why she is the way she is. I havent started her IEP yet so as far as they know, she is "normal".
     
  19. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    Could it be her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that is making her do things like eating the plate, talking to the spoon, something in the shower that she doesn't want to admit? My daughter with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) has done some strange things because she "needed to". How is your daughter's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) being treated?
     
  20. Mrs Smith

    Mrs Smith New Member

    "Does your son blank out on purpose sometimes? I noticed that my difficult child does the blank look on purpose because she knows it irritates me and gives her more attention. I can tell between the actual blank look and the fake one by the look in her eyes. If there is 'life' behind them, I know she is doing it on purpose. If there isnt, then she is having a regular blank look day. She is very intelligent and sometimes knows what she is doing.

    I did not know pica is common with aspergers. First time I caught her doing it was at about 4 years old or so. Then she stopped (or so I thought, turns out she was able to hide it from me real well) but I have been catching her doing it a lot more lately. Marbles, paper, rocks, buttons, bottle caps. Basically anything small enough to go in her mouth.

    Something gross, difficult child picks her nose and eats her boogers (gag). Is that part of the pica too? Her bio dad admits he did that too until he was about 15 or so. But to be honest I think he probably still does it now but wont admit it. Im 98% sure bio dad doesnt have pica. Bio dad and difficult child thinks its because of the salt taste. Or at least that is what she claims she likes about it.

    Only good news I have for today is that so far she is doing ok in school. But she could not doing good and I just dont know about it yet though. We will see. Parent teacher conference is coming up soon so I will find out then.

    Should I warn the teachers about her ADHD? I dont want to put a preconceived notion in their heads, but I do want to kind of warn them why she is the way she is. I havent started her IEP yet so as far as they know, she is "normal"."

    No, my son doesn't blank out on purpose in a manipulative way. I'm not sure he even knows he's doing it. I think the blank look is when he gets lost in his own thoughts and spaces out. He'll come out of it if I call his name or touch him on the shoulder but he's really annoyed when I do.

    I don't know much about pica other than I've heard it talked about on other autism sites. I think it's eating non-food items and more common to autism than asperger's. If she's just putting things in her mouth, I'm not sure that's the same thing. Eating boogers seems to be a common kid thing, I think.

    Regarding telling the school about her adhd - I did because my son has Learning Disability (LD)'s too and needs a specialized setting to learn. I think it depends on how much it affects her learning and behavior. Some teachers do a great job accomodating without an IEP, other don't. It really depends on the school and how they treat kids who don't learn in a typical way. Look at the administration's attitude towards Special Education. There's usually a trickle down effect.

    Good luck!
     
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