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difficult child husband
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 468306" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>This is money that you get for disability and that difficult child gets for disability or for child support, right? It is time to have it ALL put into an account that is ONLY in your name. ALL monies, even what difficult child receives, goes there. Or else start a separate acct for difficult child's money and you have control of it. husband should have NO access to the accounts. Give him a certain amount and don't do anything else with the account. Let him know that if he goes overboard he is NOT getting anything to cover that money. Set up difficult child's account to either have just your name or to need 2 signatures, one being yours. Let him know that if he EVER forges your name on ANYTHING then you are going to do X, Y and Z and that can include calling the police to press charges. Make sure that X, Y and Z are things that you will do, esp if you use calling the police as one of them. Make them things he HATES. If he is lke your children, he probably has his own sensory issues. Be creative. Just don't do it if you won't follow through.</p><p></p><p>In addition to the new accounts, figure out a hiding place for the credit cards. Change the paypal account so that he can't use it. Make the password something that he doesn't know that would be hard to figure out. "idiotdh" comes to mind, lol. I used to use passwords like this when husband pulled stunts like this. He never knew because he couldn't use the account and I wasn't going to tell him. It was just my own passive aggressive way to vent, Know what I mean??</p><p></p><p>As far as cash missing from your purse, why does he still have hands? I would have at least threatened to chop them off if husband took $$ out of my purse. </p><p></p><p>Have you gone to marriage therapy for this issue? It is needed to help him grow up and see how this is very wrong for him to do, how it hurts not just you but also the kids, and how it is driving a wedge itno the marriage. If he refuses to go, then you need to figure out if this is really how you want to live the rest of your life.If you decide this is a big enough issue (it was for me), then figure out how to make not going a deal breaker in your relationship.</p><p></p><p>Have you looked at your credit report in the last few months? And at his? It can be scary but it is info you need to have. Years ago husband and I did credit counseling. I checked my credit and learned I had three credit cards I knew nothing about. husband took them out and had me listed on the accounts. They were maxed out. With e-statements from many credt card companies, it is super easy to hide this from a spouse. that wasn't around back then so husband had everything sent to his work addy. This is why we went to credit counseling.</p><p></p><p>I STRONGLY recommend credit counseling for the two of you. husband needs someone other than you to tell him why it is wrong to do this. It was not an easy process for us, partly because we would work out a budget giving certain bills a certain amt, and then if the company billing us called and pushed him for a payment, he gave them a lot more than we agreed on. It took tme for him to realize this, but it did get through and helped a lot.</p><p></p><p>What are the natural and logical consequences of him spending all of that $$, besides you returning anything you can (which I strongly recommend)? Generally it isn't good to drag kids into marital problems, but maybe the kids need to start hearing that you can't afford this or that or something got turned off (like cable tv if you have it) because Daddy spent the money on his video games. I am not sure I could go through with that, but I would start making husband do a LOT mroe wth the kids to "earn" whatever cannot be returned. If what couldn't be returned couldn't be easily sold, I would shred it or destroy it with a hammer or saw or something.</p><p></p><p>You may want to tell him, every time he says that the $$ is "free", that your disability $ is something you paid for with hours of pain and problems. It is also YOURS and until he has gone through what you did that made you disabled, plus the paperwork for disability, he has NO claim to the $$ and NO right to get upset over what you spend it on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 468306, member: 1233"] This is money that you get for disability and that difficult child gets for disability or for child support, right? It is time to have it ALL put into an account that is ONLY in your name. ALL monies, even what difficult child receives, goes there. Or else start a separate acct for difficult child's money and you have control of it. husband should have NO access to the accounts. Give him a certain amount and don't do anything else with the account. Let him know that if he goes overboard he is NOT getting anything to cover that money. Set up difficult child's account to either have just your name or to need 2 signatures, one being yours. Let him know that if he EVER forges your name on ANYTHING then you are going to do X, Y and Z and that can include calling the police to press charges. Make sure that X, Y and Z are things that you will do, esp if you use calling the police as one of them. Make them things he HATES. If he is lke your children, he probably has his own sensory issues. Be creative. Just don't do it if you won't follow through. In addition to the new accounts, figure out a hiding place for the credit cards. Change the paypal account so that he can't use it. Make the password something that he doesn't know that would be hard to figure out. "idiotdh" comes to mind, lol. I used to use passwords like this when husband pulled stunts like this. He never knew because he couldn't use the account and I wasn't going to tell him. It was just my own passive aggressive way to vent, Know what I mean?? As far as cash missing from your purse, why does he still have hands? I would have at least threatened to chop them off if husband took $$ out of my purse. Have you gone to marriage therapy for this issue? It is needed to help him grow up and see how this is very wrong for him to do, how it hurts not just you but also the kids, and how it is driving a wedge itno the marriage. If he refuses to go, then you need to figure out if this is really how you want to live the rest of your life.If you decide this is a big enough issue (it was for me), then figure out how to make not going a deal breaker in your relationship. Have you looked at your credit report in the last few months? And at his? It can be scary but it is info you need to have. Years ago husband and I did credit counseling. I checked my credit and learned I had three credit cards I knew nothing about. husband took them out and had me listed on the accounts. They were maxed out. With e-statements from many credt card companies, it is super easy to hide this from a spouse. that wasn't around back then so husband had everything sent to his work addy. This is why we went to credit counseling. I STRONGLY recommend credit counseling for the two of you. husband needs someone other than you to tell him why it is wrong to do this. It was not an easy process for us, partly because we would work out a budget giving certain bills a certain amt, and then if the company billing us called and pushed him for a payment, he gave them a lot more than we agreed on. It took tme for him to realize this, but it did get through and helped a lot. What are the natural and logical consequences of him spending all of that $$, besides you returning anything you can (which I strongly recommend)? Generally it isn't good to drag kids into marital problems, but maybe the kids need to start hearing that you can't afford this or that or something got turned off (like cable tv if you have it) because Daddy spent the money on his video games. I am not sure I could go through with that, but I would start making husband do a LOT mroe wth the kids to "earn" whatever cannot be returned. If what couldn't be returned couldn't be easily sold, I would shred it or destroy it with a hammer or saw or something. You may want to tell him, every time he says that the $$ is "free", that your disability $ is something you paid for with hours of pain and problems. It is also YOURS and until he has gone through what you did that made you disabled, plus the paperwork for disability, he has NO claim to the $$ and NO right to get upset over what you spend it on. [/QUOTE]
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