difficult child I decides it's his turn

[amazeofgrace]

to try and break me.

difficult child I (turns 17 next week) is at the police station being charged with breaking and entering and burgalry.

He cut school yesterday and broke into some kid's house and stole a PS3 and went to a neighboring town last night to try to sell it and the buyer pulled up and yanked it out of his hands and drove away.

Now honest opinions. difficult child I told me all of this after much prying and me promising not to tell anyone. I did not tell anyone, but the kid did not make me promise not to punish him. So I pulled into the police station parking lot (we were in the car when he told me) he flipped out and started cursing at me, saying I broke my promise. At this point I gave him two choices 1: he could go in and tell them what he did OR 2: he could come home and be on house arrest indefinatley and he would have to go to talk to his counselor about what had happened. He opted for neithr and proceeded to verbally bash me. I roll down the window and ask an officer walking by for assistance.

We go in the station difficult child I tells the officer I am crazy and under stress due to difficult child II's recent hospitilization. He then asks (the police officer) matter of factly "has anything been reported stolen?" (there does not seem to be an avatar for "stupid") I add "like a PS3?" Shocker someone did report one stolen and the police had already been at my house to ? difficult child I because he was the prime suspect and he left a big fat finger print there! He is not on drugs either, I've checked!

So am I a snitch? he says so. I am so freakin fried. I told them I do not want him home, they can figure out somewhere else to put him! He has his 1st strike last year and got a slap on the wrist, now he's really done it and I am not inclinced to feel sorry for him.

 

[Steely]

Geesh...........
I am so proud of you for being so bold, brave, and for holding difficult child 1 accountable. Excellent job! That takes tenacity girl.

I know it was really, really hard - but you made a decision that was the best one to make in the split second you had to navigate the circumstance. It was a good sound decision. To beat yourself up over whether or not you are a snitch is pointless, because bottom line you were being a good mom. You were holding him accountable - and going with your gut. difficult child 1 does not get this right now, and wants to blame you for everything - but you cannot feed into that. Someday he will look back and know you were simply trying to help him be accountable and mature - not that you "snitched".

Hugs and cyber strength for your weary soul.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

"Snitch" or not, you did the right thing. Snitch is just a word, one that GFGI is trying to use to make you feel guilty.

You are holding him accountable. He needs to face the music.

Hugs and strength, my friend.

 

[gcvmom]

Good job, mom! Not forcing him to face up to the consequences would only serve to enable the behavior in my humble opinion. It's hard being the "bad guy", but we have to be parents first...

 

[flutterbee]

It seems that the word 'snitch' is only used by those that actually have anything to lose by being 'snitched' on.

You did the right thing.

(((hugs)))

 

[amazeofgrace]

Thank you all for your words of support

difficult child I called from the juvenille facility (he was sent there tonight) he sounded broken and humble. He did not say he was sorry but he did say "he loved me too" after I told him that "I loved him" and was only trying to do what was best for him. I will not see him until court at 9am Monday morning.

One of my many worries is he had to give names of other kids involved, and retaliation with these kinds of kids, is a scary thought. I am actaully worried about the one kid going after my youngest difficult child, if he can't get a hold of difficult child I. So sad these kids these days are so warped in their thinking.

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry. Our kids do so much dumb stuff then try to hurt us by placing the blame on us.

What you did was not snitching. It was parenting. I am so proud of you!!! I know it was terribly hard and will be for a long time.

Our children should always know that no matter what promises, we MUST act in a way that is in their best interest when actions come to light.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[susiestar]

Remember the post on why the cop was a jerk?? Well, we parents do things like this for similar reasons. Go Warrior Mom!!

 

[BusynMember]

Ok.
First off, I think this would do better on "Teens."
Secondly, I would seriously be thinking that this kid is using drugs even if you haven't found any and I'm sure he denies it while staring you in the eyes and even looks hurt. My daughter was out of control and drugs were the bottom line--we never knew the extent of her drug use until she quit (then she told me every chilling detail). You can't really check for drug use unless you do frequent, surprise drug tests. And not every drug shows up on tests. Also he isn't going to keep them on him. Kids often abuse both ADHD medications (my daughter and her friends would crush in a pillcrusher and snort them alone or with cocaine). they also abuse some over the counter medications. I know it's hard to believe your child is on drugs, but it's something you should consider. Also, what are his friends like? LIke hangs with like. Was he always difficult?

 

[Andy]

Snitch is a word used between children and those who want to do whatever they choose in life. You are not a child and you know about responsibililty so snitch does not apply to you. Tell difficult child I that he can not treat you like one of his irresponsible "friends" by asking you to not do something you know that you must do. You are an authority figure in his life and you will not only follow the laws but you will expect everyone in your life to do so also.

I think you did the right thing and I know it broke your heart to do so. You want to protect your children but sometimes protecting means to make them accountable for their actions even though it hurts.

Make sure difficult child II is safe. Share your concerns with the police who can keep an eye out for trouble in this area.

 

[timer lady]

Good job, warrior mum! You did good!

 

[Christy]

Doing what's right isn't always easy. You did good. Maybe this will wake up call for difficult child.
(((hugs))))
Christy

 

[KarenB]

You GO Mom!! Perhaps this will be his wake up call.

 

[amazeofgrace]

court was this morning and they kept him being his charge is a 3rd degree charge and falls under the catagory of "grand theft" because they're saying the value is $1300.00 (PS3, controllers and some games).
Hed is looking at a sentence of 30-60 days. He appeared annoyed to see my parents with me (he knew I would be there) and he did not call tonight. He will be sentenced on Friday morning at 9am. So we will see.
Not sure how to think or feel, but my Mom was a blubbering mess when she saw him in cuffs, I guess I am a hard hearted Hannah (her new knick name for me) but I am still just angry.