difficult child is all moved in

[Nancy]

Finally after Saturday's move was cancelled because the guy who was going to help never showed, difficult child is moved in. The boyfriend of a friend of hers from rehab and the sober house who is also in AA offered to help, drove the uhaul for her and got the furniture from here this afternoon and then went to her old apartment and helped get the last few things. While there her old roommate followed her around and never said one word to her. I asked her why she was acting like that and she said she had no idea and even her moving friend said she was acting very wierd. They are all friends from AA. difficult child swears she never did anything to her for her to act that way and whether it was the dog or something else that caused the rift I guess we will never know.

She sent me pics of the furniture in her apt and it looks really nice. She said she is finally home and it really looks like a home. Before she left today I gave her a big hug and told her the most important thing for her to keep now beside her sobriety was her job because she needed it to live and she said she knew that.

I'm relieved she is finally in her own place, even though I still have a lot of worries about it, but this is a real test for her and an opportunity to really grow up. She's been cleaning and fixing it up and I've never seen her so excited about something.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she doesn't self sabotage now that things are going well.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

She sounds like she is doing well, I will keep a good thought...baby steps and she IS moving forward

 

[Kathy813]

That's wonderful, Nancy. A job and a place to live. Those are huge for our difficult child's. I think she is doing great.

by the way, there was a great article in our Sunday paper on drug courts. The article said that the addicts in the program are expected to relapse . . . not if but when. They deal with it and encourage them to move on in the program.

Sometimes I wonder if we expect too much from our difficult children. I know that I don't want my difficult child to relapse but maybe that's unrealistic. I guess we need to be happy when they are moving in a forward direction despite a slip or two (or three). I think both of our difficult children are moving in that direction.

~Kathy

 

[Nancy]

That's interesting Kathy. Now I understand why the drug court here doesn't get too excited when someone relapses, they just schedule the next monthly check in and add another month to the time they have to stay in the program.

And I do sometimes think we expect much from our addict difficult child's, but my biggest fear is not that she relapses but that she won't get back in the program. I'm not as interested in her falling as I am in her getting back up and that's what scares me to death because I'm not always sure she will get back up.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

{{{hugs}}} to you both and to all of us. That's what is the worst part...it's a LONG (lifelong) road...and them getting help is the first step into a journey of millions

 

[pinevalley]

That is encouraging news for your difficult child, Nancy. It seems like we, as mothers, are always worrying about our difficult child's- no matter where they are in their addiction and recovery. I am grateful that everyone here understands all about the worry and stress of parenting a difficult child. There is stength in our common experiences. Hugs...

 

[AmericanGirl]

Nancy,

So happy she is settled. This reminds me of when I was 18 and newly married. I talked h into movin from a nice apartment, which we could not afford, to the slums. I didn't want to live there but, if we did for a while, then we had a chance to save some money so we could get more financially stable. Hopefully, this is her way of grabbing some independence.

Hold onto these good days. Praying that you get a really long string of them.

 

[pepperidge]

HOld on to the thought that at least she is taking pleasure in having her own nicely fixed up place (by her standards and pocketbook, lol). And that she knows you will be there for her when she is not messing up. At least she seems to want something nice from the future, even if she stumbles along the way. That desire has got to be worth something.

 

[buddy]

I'm happy for her. My first post college several room-mates in a place apt. was not wonderful but is probably one of my favorite memories. I hope she continues to do well. I hear in all of you that the worry and fear does not go away, it is the nature of the beast, but I am still glad you have the chance to enjoy some good memory making moments with her. You deserve that. And of course she does.

 

[DDD]

I think one of the most import aspects of this move is that she generated the choice, she made the arrangements, she paid the upfront money, she has created a nest. All those decisions were made on her own and should help improve the self image that is scared by her previous choices. Getting difficult child's to "see" themselves as something other than addicts can be a huge stepping stone. She remains in my thoughts and I'm rooting for her. DDD

 

[DammitJanet]

I think this is great.

I think having something that is yours and you got for yourself is so important for a person. Billy and I were talking about this just yesterday. Now granted Billy isnt fully self sufficient yet because he still lives with us but he has never been given a darned thing unless it was a Christmas present since he was a kid. He bought his own car all on his own without help from us. He buys all his own computers, his own cell phones and plan, his own clothes.

The other day I happened to buy some jeans and tee shirts for Tony because he was badly in need of them for work. Buck saw them and bragged about how he never has to buy clothes for himself because people give him all their old clothes. Charity stuff. I said something to the effect of how we feel it is much nicer to be able to provide for our own needs rather than to have to rely on other people for all of our needs. If we can afford to provide those needs, we should. He can afford to buy his own clothes if he can afford to do drugs or other things he does. He thought we were stupid to make those choices. Billy was astounded because he just felt that he couldnt feel right in his heart if he had to keep taking charity over and over again. Even Cory does so much better when he is providing for himself. Cory wants to be on his own and not having to rely on us. Why this grown man thinks mooching is better is beyond me.

I am glad your daughter is growing into a person who wants to be self sufficient. She will feel much better about herself.