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Substance Abuse
difficult child is an alcoholic
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 372335" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Nancy, my experience is as a sibling of an alcoholic. 22 or 23 did NOTHING to help gfgbro, not even after spending 2 years in the Army. the Army did help some, but it was not lasting. He was in his 30s when he went to rehab and that was only because he got caught in some felony charges and it was the only way to get out of jail and avoid prison. My parents were in London while he was in rehab, but did do some family classes afterward. At least Mom did. I had already spent a couple of years in Al Anon and went back for a while. I completely refused all of gfgbro's attempts to take me to family week at his rehab, up to and including this year (the place he went lets you go back with family or alone at any time you need it, usually for no extra charge). My family still feels that this is the reason I am "holding grudges" against him.</p><p> </p><p>If you have done this before, and you are exhausted and worn out and ready to focus on your life instead of rescueing difficult child again, it is okay to give yourself permission to not go to the family sessions. in my opinion it might actually make her see that saying it is a "family problem" is a crutch when the rest of the family is working the program and the alcoholic difficult child is not. I know others may not agree with this. So much of therapy puts heavy weight on alcoholism being a family problem and it lets difficult children like ours take the focus off of what THEY have done and put it onto what mom, dad and sibs have done. Not all alcoholics are difficult children, and for many they are able to see the family problem and their own responsibility. I just don't think many difficult children can or are willing to do this. You and husband have already done so much and been through this so often. </p><p> </p><p>It may very well be that until you and husband step away and say that you have done all you can, exhausted all the resources you have to invest in her treatment for this, that you will go through the steps and the therapy with her no more, that she will actually SEE that she must take responsibility and change. </p><p> </p><p>I am not telling you that you must do this, just offering that it is okay to tell the rehab that you have been there done that and this is her time for rehab, not yours. You won't be the first, or the last. What the people there think really is none of your business, so don't worry about their judgement of you. </p><p> </p><p>I am so very sorry it came to this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 372335, member: 1233"] Nancy, my experience is as a sibling of an alcoholic. 22 or 23 did NOTHING to help gfgbro, not even after spending 2 years in the Army. the Army did help some, but it was not lasting. He was in his 30s when he went to rehab and that was only because he got caught in some felony charges and it was the only way to get out of jail and avoid prison. My parents were in London while he was in rehab, but did do some family classes afterward. At least Mom did. I had already spent a couple of years in Al Anon and went back for a while. I completely refused all of gfgbro's attempts to take me to family week at his rehab, up to and including this year (the place he went lets you go back with family or alone at any time you need it, usually for no extra charge). My family still feels that this is the reason I am "holding grudges" against him. If you have done this before, and you are exhausted and worn out and ready to focus on your life instead of rescueing difficult child again, it is okay to give yourself permission to not go to the family sessions. in my opinion it might actually make her see that saying it is a "family problem" is a crutch when the rest of the family is working the program and the alcoholic difficult child is not. I know others may not agree with this. So much of therapy puts heavy weight on alcoholism being a family problem and it lets difficult children like ours take the focus off of what THEY have done and put it onto what mom, dad and sibs have done. Not all alcoholics are difficult children, and for many they are able to see the family problem and their own responsibility. I just don't think many difficult children can or are willing to do this. You and husband have already done so much and been through this so often. It may very well be that until you and husband step away and say that you have done all you can, exhausted all the resources you have to invest in her treatment for this, that you will go through the steps and the therapy with her no more, that she will actually SEE that she must take responsibility and change. I am not telling you that you must do this, just offering that it is okay to tell the rehab that you have been there done that and this is her time for rehab, not yours. You won't be the first, or the last. What the people there think really is none of your business, so don't worry about their judgement of you. I am so very sorry it came to this. [/QUOTE]
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