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difficult child is back
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<blockquote data-quote="Ca Mom Losing Hope" data-source="post: 676464" data-attributes="member: 17782"><p>After we got the eight month old chickenpox baby lathered in calamine after a baking soda bath, I finally had a chance to breathe. To think back on the day, the weeks, the month I have had. </p><p></p><p>Today tested my resolve. During multiple text message responses to my son about him not having any food, I agreed to pick him up from his brothers van, where he has been sleeping, to take home to Taco Bell. I looked in his eyes. I saw such sadness, despair, and loss of self worth. I bought him his food, asked questions about things he needs to take care of and watched. Watched this sad man, who I see as a boy despite him being six foot two and twenty three years old, feeling unloved. He tells me his brother has to go on a work trip and will be gone with the van for a few days. I ask if he will stay in the shelter those nights, he says no. I don't push. I know this is just the foundation to his next push to try and stay with us. </p><p></p><p>I buy him a gift card and some food, drop him off at the van. As I was washing our beautiful baby son and trying to comfort him from the itching, I can only think of how cold my other son must be. </p><p></p><p>Before the baby is even asleep, I have a text asking if he can sleep in the dog house in the back yard. What would be the big deal with that? </p><p></p><p>I have set two very clear rules. Both of which he tries daily to get me to break.</p><p></p><p>1. Neither of my two older sons will ever live in my house again. They are 23 and 25. Each have proven over and over again that they will fall back into their same abusive (mentally and verbally) behavior toward me. They always start off nice and sweet. This last time with the older brother, I had to pay him to leave. Legal signature required and received. </p><p></p><p>2. No cash. </p><p></p><p>Now that the baby is down all I can do is cry. I am so worried about my poor middle child. I finally got out of bed and started reading this forum and Feelings 'my son is homeless' thread from where I had left off in December. So much of the abuse and feelings that Feeling expressed, echo's in my ears. My middle son was the most abusive. Drugs, violent rages, constant requests for money, etc. He has recently gotten help for his mental issues, and does seem better, but it has only been three months. I read one of feelings posts where she talked about how scared she is. I am very scared as well. Scared one day, even though things are going well, he will also.... But he is doing better and my poor baby (middle child) right?</p><p></p><p>Then I reread this post. And I think I can get through tomorrow's No. I will not put my baby through that. He deserves to live in a peaceful house. It doesn't have to mean I don't help, but I do not break the rules listed above. </p><p></p><p>I might have to reinstate healthy communication rules too. Previously it was his profanity and obsessive requests via phone and text. The language is better...</p><p></p><p>I am wearing down. Oh so very quickly. Everything is going back to the way it was before he left over a year ago. I am to blame. I am so weak. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for tonight's strength.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ca Mom Losing Hope, post: 676464, member: 17782"] After we got the eight month old chickenpox baby lathered in calamine after a baking soda bath, I finally had a chance to breathe. To think back on the day, the weeks, the month I have had. Today tested my resolve. During multiple text message responses to my son about him not having any food, I agreed to pick him up from his brothers van, where he has been sleeping, to take home to Taco Bell. I looked in his eyes. I saw such sadness, despair, and loss of self worth. I bought him his food, asked questions about things he needs to take care of and watched. Watched this sad man, who I see as a boy despite him being six foot two and twenty three years old, feeling unloved. He tells me his brother has to go on a work trip and will be gone with the van for a few days. I ask if he will stay in the shelter those nights, he says no. I don't push. I know this is just the foundation to his next push to try and stay with us. I buy him a gift card and some food, drop him off at the van. As I was washing our beautiful baby son and trying to comfort him from the itching, I can only think of how cold my other son must be. Before the baby is even asleep, I have a text asking if he can sleep in the dog house in the back yard. What would be the big deal with that? I have set two very clear rules. Both of which he tries daily to get me to break. 1. Neither of my two older sons will ever live in my house again. They are 23 and 25. Each have proven over and over again that they will fall back into their same abusive (mentally and verbally) behavior toward me. They always start off nice and sweet. This last time with the older brother, I had to pay him to leave. Legal signature required and received. 2. No cash. Now that the baby is down all I can do is cry. I am so worried about my poor middle child. I finally got out of bed and started reading this forum and Feelings 'my son is homeless' thread from where I had left off in December. So much of the abuse and feelings that Feeling expressed, echo's in my ears. My middle son was the most abusive. Drugs, violent rages, constant requests for money, etc. He has recently gotten help for his mental issues, and does seem better, but it has only been three months. I read one of feelings posts where she talked about how scared she is. I am very scared as well. Scared one day, even though things are going well, he will also.... But he is doing better and my poor baby (middle child) right? Then I reread this post. And I think I can get through tomorrow's No. I will not put my baby through that. He deserves to live in a peaceful house. It doesn't have to mean I don't help, but I do not break the rules listed above. I might have to reinstate healthy communication rules too. Previously it was his profanity and obsessive requests via phone and text. The language is better... I am wearing down. Oh so very quickly. Everything is going back to the way it was before he left over a year ago. I am to blame. I am so weak. Thanks for tonight's strength. [/QUOTE]
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