difficult child is doing fine, at least till now

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SuZir, Sep 16, 2013.

  1. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    difficult child's adventure at abroad seems to have a good start. I try not to get my hopes too high; it is well known that when moving abroad, it is three months mark, when things tend to turn sour. And difficult child is only half way there, so it is common to honeymoon first. But I'm still cautiously optimistic about this.

    It is a huge help that sport wise he has been doing very well. Makes a world of difference to his mood and also makes it so much easier to get comfortable with his team. Last fall was so horribly rough both off and on the field and on-field troubles definitely carried to off the field too. difficult child's new coaches seem to have rather tough love approach, but are not unreasonable. And difficult child feels they are reasonably fair, which is huge thing. difficult child has always had very hard time tolerate perceived unfairness.

    Big thing is also that difficult child and his American flat mate come along well. They have been able to negotiate clear ground rules (I have an understanding that difficult child's sport psychiatric who spent two days there helped with that a lot) and are happy to share a flat and spend lots of time together. Which they better do anyway. Language situation in the team is worse than I even thought. There are only three guys who voluntarily speak more English to difficult child and his flat mate; and two of them are much older, other one old enough to be their dad and less than two years younger than I am.

    difficult child has also been surprised how wearing it can be to try to communicate with mixing German (which he doesn't speak so well) and English (which he does) and try to understand a mix of local language (which he doesn't understand a word), German and English. His flat mate doesn't speak anything but English and bit od Spanish and is even more lost so difficult child has to try to communicate for him too. But this language mishmash and dealing with it greatly increases difficult child's need for down time. Which is just as good I guess, because apparently there is nothing to do in their tiny town. I can imagine that. It is about 30 000 people and no University or anything. Of course hundred mile radius there is probably about 10 million people there, so it is not middle of nowhere, but still not much to do, when you just have couple of hours and no time to drive anywhere.

    While difficult child is not currently continuing his trauma therapy full force and just chats with his therapist via Skype twice a month, he does continue to work with more practical things with his sport psychiatric. Latest was his social media clean up after an embarrassing situation for future benefit. Apparently sport psychiatric taught difficult child how to appraise which can be put where. I'm not sure if I should be proud or offended or just laugh my butt off for how he is to do it. difficult child is not always so good judge in how things will be received, but he does know how I will likely react. So that is a base for difficult child's new social media rules. If he thinks something he writes makes me roll my eyes, it is still borderline okay for his public Twitter. If I'm likely to start to sigh, it doesn't belong to Twitter, but can still be put to his 'private' (with 900 friends) Fb account. And if I start to grit my teeth, it is only okay for his new much more private, private FB page, that doesn't have his name or picture. And in the end, if it would make me start my sentence with 'sweet, dear child' it should not go to anywhere in Internet.

    I'm not sure if I want to know, which one came up with essence of that grading...

    What they are working now, is practical issues of that language barrier. They are trying to find tactics for difficult child to not be bothered and stress out about the chatter over his head that he can't understand. And how to communicate nonverbally when he has excluded himself from the chatter around him and when he wants to be included and wishes that someone would translate him the essence of what is being talked about.

    difficult child does have some issues with whacky GA group he is coerced to participate, but he does have a jail free card for that. He visited briefly home a week ago and had an appointment with his psychiatrist and psychiatrist promised him that she will make a call and end that, if difficult child wants. difficult child doesn't want to make waves yet though. He wants to have even stronger position in his coaches eyes before that.

    When visiting home, difficult child seemed reasonably calm and was very chatty. That tends to be a good sign. And he is working for his goals and is determinate.

    So all in all; difficult child is doing well thus far.
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2015
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm really happy for him. I know it's early, but he's coping very well. I remember how difficult last year was for him, and I have to give him a lot of credit. I'm glad he's getting on well with his roommate; I know you were a little concerned about that.
    All in all...very good!
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I was worried about him having a room mate. Last try (when he first moved to his last town) really didn't go well. But it seems few years and living with girlfriend have taught him some room mate skills. And while personality of his new room mate seems quite opposite of difficult child's, that too can be a good learning experience for both. And given the circumstances they at least are both highly motivated to get along and try to enjoy each others company.

    Oh, I also forgot one thing that makes difficult child ecstatic: After cuts between pre season and regular season, first time ever in difficult child's career in men's team, he is not the youngest in his team. And let's face it, he used to be youngest or close to it through his junior career too. But now there is one younger kid in regular team. By all five weeks and three days, but when inside rank in team is determined by age (like it is at least in difficult child's sport and most others I know about), every day counts. Of course there is enough of dirty and boring chores around to spread them to not only the youngest but also few close to that (and that difficult child is not likely to escape any time soon) but not being the youngest gives difficult child a possibility to delegate some of the most bothersome tasks to the poor kid below him in rank. And difficult child seems to think there is world of difference between being the one who carries a massage table around and one who carries their audio system around. Latter one may be just as heavy, but it does handles and it doesn't get as easily stuck in doors. Makes difficult child a very happy boy :rofl:
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2015
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good post SuZir, I'm glad it all seems to be going smoothly for now. I hope you're enjoying the peace and quiet.
  6. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Sounds very hopeful, SuZir - I'm thrilled for him!
  7. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys!

    Yeah, we try to enjoy it, when the ball is rolling to right direction. These kind of reprieves do give us a chance to breath and regroup before the next crisis strikes (and it will. Let's face it, this is difficult child we are talking about. There will be something again sooner or later. But between all the crisis, genuine growth seems to happen, so that does give hope.)

    However peace and quiet it is not. Even if we forget that it tends to be busy and noisy around here anyway, our easy child is currently having a sport crisis and we may be up to some difficult decisions. Nothing drastic, but big enough issues concerning his future at sports that those decisions are not easy to make.