difficult child is facing the biggest challenge today!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Jun 28, 2008.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so very angry! :angrygirl: I should never have encouraged difficult child to go with his dad today. My sister in law is such an idiot and a jerk and every nasty word I can think of.

    I had no idea that it was going to rain today so difficult child is stuck at sister in law's house with NOTHING to do. And I do mean absolutely NOTHING. Stupid sister in law watched tennis on t.v. when she should have been helping my husband (her brother) with whatever! Then, she unplugs the t.v. so as not allow my difficult child to watch it. She is so immature - acts like a 5 year old brat with kids. When he called me, I asked husband why difficult child can not watch t.v. "Because he is suppose to be outside fishing." It is RAINING - HELLO!!! STUPID STUPID STUPID.

    Earlier today, when sister in law was watching tennis, difficult child figured out how to call me at the birthday party I was at. He said he had one of his thoughts and will talk to me about it tonight. He knows this happens when he is bored and he wants to stay on the clonazepam which means whatever the impulse thought was scared him. He was listening to the radio at the time (I am surprise sister in law allowed that!). He felt better by the time we were done talking and I told him to think about making up stories about baseball or racing.

    Not too long ago, he called to say sister in law wouldn't let him watch t.v. That is the ONLY thing he can do. He did not take inside activities to do because I thought it was going to be a perfect day for what they had planned. sister in law just moved into the house last weekend and I know she doesn't have anything for kids - She is the most anti-social person I have ever met - husband is the ONLY person she will socialize with (and that is not exaggerating). She is not going to lift a finger to help a child even though that child is a guest in her house.

    I told difficult child that I am sorry that sister in law is so selfish and to try the best he can to hang in there. husband will bring him home when he is done with whatever he is doing - I hope it will be soon. Any decent aunt would come up with something for a kid to do - not just say, "You can sit here while your dad works all day!"
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry sister in law is being so rude and unkind. Poor difficult child-I can't imagine my difficult child sitting all day with nothing to do-of course, mine would make sure the sister in law would wish she had turned on the tv. Hugs.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    difficult child returned home just in time for the two of us to run to the movies. I figured after a day of boredom a movie might help. We saw Wall E (cute and he laughed throughout). As we were standing in line, he stated his stomach was a little upset. I figured it was due to the boring day he had. He had buttered popcorn, bottled water, and cookie dough candy.

    He told me that sister in law had all windows and doors open and he was getting cold so he closed some. When she told him to open them he replied, "No, I am cold and I am closing the 75 percent that we own (I guess husband helped her purchase the place? Wouldn't be surprised!)" sister in law didn't like that and made a face at him.

    Anyway, we enjoyed the movie and I stopped at the restroom on the way out. difficult child was close to tears when I came out. He said he felt weird and thought he was going to die. As we are driving away from the cinema, difficult child asks, "Do you think I need to go to the hospital?" "No, why do you ask?" "Because of what I just did." I was dealing with easy child on the cell phone so didn't notice what difficult child did. I looked over and he had thrown up on his lap. He then said, "You told me once that moms know when you should go to the hospital so you will know if I should go?" "Yes, you will be fine, you don't need to go to a hospital." He threw up a few more times and then stated he felt better. Once home, he got ready for bed and came out to the living room to tell me he still feels weird. I told him it was because of the boring day he had and that he will be just fine.

    I am going to pack a small backpack with some things for him to do and keep it in the truck (we have stuff in the van but nothing in the truck) so when he is with his dad and gets into a boring situation he has something to do.
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Adrianne, I wonder if his "I feel weird" and the vomiting, is purely anxiety? It can be as bad as that. It sure was with difficult child 3, even though he had a hard time accepting this for himself.

    We first realised this for sure, a few years ago when we were still struggling to keep him in mainstream education. He liked school, he wanted to go to school, but he would be so anxious there that he would feel sick and sometimes vomit. He missed about six months (spread over the whole school year) in Grade 5. At the beginning of the year, a few days before school was due to go back, he said out of the blue, "If kids at school are mean to me, I will just ignore them and walk away."
    I congratulated him on planning ahead with good commonsense, but about ten minutes later he complained of feeling sick. Again a day or so later, someone asked him how he was looking forward to going back to school and he smiled and said yes, he wanted to get back to school; then within half an hour, more nausea.
    Once he got to school (very excited to be back) it was only an hour before I got a phone call - he was vomiting again. He argued and didn't want to come home, but he would vomit before he even got back to class.

    We pulled him out of mainstream school end enrolled him in correspondence. Magic - no more nausea, no more vomiting. Also he made sudden progress academically.

    But last year when we were planning our holiday in New Zealand, difficult child 3 said he was afraid to go anywhere that there could be earthquakes or any volcanic activity. A problem - we were spending a week near Rotarua!
    So we arranged to stay somewhere out of Rotarua, far enough away to not smell the sulphur, somewhere less volcanic. We chose Lake Taupo. OK, we didn't know at the time - but it's MORE volcanic than Rotarua (but no sulphur smell).

    difficult child 3 had been complaining for days, we had been reassuring him. His science teacher had sent schoolwork specifically dealing with vulcanism and plate tectonics. difficult child 3 was handling it well, learning a lot. He was beginning to understand.
    But we went to Rotarua for a day trip. By this stage we had shown difficult child 3 a number of geothermal power stations and explained that in North Island, the constant use of geothermal energy was life the pressure release valve on a steam engine - it was constantly releasing pressure before it built up to dangerous levels.

    We were doing OK until we got to the geyser park, with the boiling mud, the sulphur deposits and the geysers. He felt sick. The further we walked, the more sick he felt. He looked dreadful - drawn, grey and listless. I told him it was his anxiety; he was convinced it was something more. "I'm very sick, Mum, he told me. "Something is very wrong and I think I'm dying."
    I talked him through his breathing exercises but it didn't seem to be helping him much. We sat on the hot stones (mid-winter, raining - and the stones were dry from the heat) and still he felt sick. Only after we left to drive back to Taupo did he begin to feel a bit better.
    He wouldn't believe me when I said it was just anxiety. "I feel too sick for it to be that," he said.
    But it was.
    Two days later we visited the Volcano Centre, a small educational museum near Taupo.
    That's where we finally discovered that Lake Taupo is actually a giant volcanic caldera. Hmm, that explained the steam we could see rising form the lake edge from the bathroom window... but by then difficult child 3 was more understanding of how safe we really were.
    A week later on South Island, we were in Milford Sound and were able to point out to him the actual plate margin - the band of crushed rock where the Australasian tectonic plate was sliding against the Pacific plate. He understood - and didn't feel sick.

    Interestingly, a week after tat when we were snowed in, it was easy child who was nauseous and vomiting from HER anxiety at missing their plane home to Sydney. You don't have to be a difficult child to get severe anxiety.

    When difficult child 3 gets really anxious, he does feel a strong sense of dread and says he's sure he's going to die from it. Vomiting does happen but it's rare these days because removing him from the classroom reduced his anxiety and stress levels a great deal. And as he's learned to cope in stressful situations, he's also learned better ways of responding to stress. Every success is another step toward better coping.

  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    what a shame that difficult child felt so out of place and bored instead of welcome. Good idea to have a backpack ready for when he's with dad!

    I'm guessing here, but I would think his getting sick is attributable to his high anxiety. Apparently it continued to build once he left dads instead of calmed. That's an issue that should probably be addressed. He had, by the time he got sick, spent a couple hours away from that stressful situation, but had not been able to "let it go".

    I beleive, as the mother of a son who, while not diagnosis'd with an anxiety disorder, definately has anxiety issues, I would look into some physical and metal exercises he could do to release and let go once the anxiety producing situation has passed.

    Hoping today is relaxing and calm for difficult child.

  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I agree that his symptoms sound like anxiety. There's a chance it's worse right now because he's being weaned from Klonopin. Maybe he needs something else to take the place of the Klonopin. Does the psychiatrist have any plans to replace it? And is he getting Congitive Behavioral Therapy (which works best for anxiety)? Anxiety doesn't just go away because it's treated with medications for a time.
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thank you! Yes, I am sure this is his anxiety speaking. We had learned very quickly that this is worse when he is bored. That is why I was so mad that sister in law wouldn't allow him to watch t.v. or find him something to do. I was actually expecting him to be in worse shape at the end of the day.

    He is still feeling weird today. It looks like it will be a nice day today so when we return from church, he can excersice outdoors. If it warms up, we will go to the beach. We can also go for a bike ride - maybe downtown to feed the goslings. He also has baseball practice tonight from 7:30 - 9:00 which might be too late for him. I may have to pull him at 8:30?

    He has taken puppy out this morning so that has also helped.
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Smallworld, You snuck in on me - Yes, he is getting therapy to learn to deal with this. He does have skills to use. It is just that yesterday the situation did not allow him to get "on top" of the anxiety - there were no activities to ward it off.

    I will probably be working with him all day to figure this one out and work out this anxiety attack. He does seem to understand what happened so that is a good step forward.
  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    What a mean-spirited woman. I've never understood people like her and I hope I never do. Kids are such a special gift and a great joy. Even before my daughter entered my life, the neighborhood kids were at my place. I think I had more slumber parties at my house than their parents did. I loved it and the parents got a break.

    To have a woman who would be so mean and petty to a child is beyond my imagination. Let's pray she never had a child of her own.

    Hope he feels better soon. Nothing like a miserable day to be topped off by throwing up to make things really awful. The backpack is a super idea. It is something he can use for occasions other than just visiting his not-so-sweet aunt.
  10. ML

    ML Guest

    Sending hugs to difficult child and to you. He reminds me of my difficult child. That anxiety is so awful, I hate it! I sure hope he has a good day today. Marg is right, each success builds on itself. If he has a great day today he will know that he can survive the experienes of yesterday.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Adrianne, so sorry. Poor guy.
    Yes, I, too, immediately thought of his anxiety in regard to throwing up.
    Usually, throwing up is a healthy way for your body to deal with-an unhealthy situation--like rancid food--but in this case, his anxiety has produced way too much gastric acid and he just can't handle it. Still, it's a way for your body to tell you that something is wrong. And it is.
    Keep him fully loaded with-activities and just be there for him when he comes home. Somehow, you will get through this.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope the poor guy doesn't have to go there for quite a while. At least not for extended periods of time.

    Did your husband ever pick up that difficult child was not allowed to do ANYTHING while there, not even watch tv? Did he ask sister in law about it?? Does he intend to take difficult child over there again for any length of time in the near future??

    What will sister in law do to him when he vomits in her home? Cause if this is anxiety then it will get worse if he is over there much and is again not allowed to do anything. I can see someone this mean taking his things (from home) away and making up a reason to tell your husband.

    I just didn't know if you had thought of this.

    The poor little guy.

    Can we all get the posse together to go smack that woman??
  13. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    husband knew there was nothing for difficult child to do - he wanted difficult child to go outside and fish all day. He gets his mind set on what he is doing and ignores everything else. husband and sister in law just don't know what to do with kids. husband should have just come home but he doesn't know how to put the kid's needs ahead of his schedule. sister in law can get someone else to do repairs, mowing, ect. All the other aunts would have gone out of their way to find something for difficult child to do. Heck, if it was me, I would have run to a store to get a deck of cards if needed. (and come back with a icecream treat).

    I am sure if difficult child takes something to do and stays out of her way, sister in law will just ignore him. She is such an odd person. If she gets too nasty, difficult child will tell me and I will gladly lead a charge.

    difficult child will not be over there often. He wants to help his dad mow and go on boat rides and fish. He will be fine as long as it is good outside. I will keep a better eye on the weather.

    Then I find out that she has wireless - so why didn't she let difficult child use it? Because she was using it!!!!! She really needs to grow up - but her mother never made her - everyone is suppose to walk eggshells around her and enable this anti-social personality. Can't upset the baby of the family.

    She reminds me of the mean school mistress on Matilda but she will hide and run from a child rather than attack. Just the hatred that the school mistress had for the kids.