I checked him out of juvy today for a counseling appointment. Normally, they let him wear regular clothes for this but they didn't today. It might have been because they were running late with getting him ready or maybe they changed policy. Anyway, it was ALL I could do to get difficult child out of the car and into the therapist's office. He was crying because he was so humiliated for having to wear coveralls there. He said he is covering his head with his blanket so no one could see him cry each night. Now, I can see how this could look like a "show" or manipulation, but this part isn't, I am sure. We have known for several mos that difficult child suffers from EXTREME self-consciencness. Not the type where he has to wear a certain brand of tennis shoes, or have his hair cut a certain way, but the type where he will do ANYTHING to avoid any embarressment. He apparently perceives the least embarressment as extreme humiliation or emasculation or degrading. He has refused to take required projects to school, when they are completed and would probablly be graded as a B or C, simply because someone might laugh at it- so he got a zero. The therapist has noticed it, as well as teachers and others at school. So, I believe that is real. But, how do I handle this with him? Ok, so maybe he will go 9 mos instead of 6 mos before he forgets his butt is on the line and he makes a stupid choice again, so this really teaches him a good lesson, right? But, he is a difficult child- this isn't going to stop difficult child behavior forever. I don't want to baby him over it, but I can't really sit there and do nothing but say "you brought it on yourself" when I feel like that is kicking him when he's down and he knows it already and I really don't think this punishment is going to achieve as much as the judge thinks it should. The worst part is that she won't even give a clue as to how long she is going to keep him involved in the system. With a sentence suspended until he's 21 yo, I guess she'll keep him under her thumb with a threat hanging over him that long if she can. It even makes me want to give up on everything. I'm afraid it will make him angrier, feeling more despair, and really make him take much more desparate action. Especially since he is not going to believe that he can go to 21 yo without ever doing something else wrong. Is there any way I can use the concepts from The Explosive Child here? It isn't a situation where if he does what he should, we know when he'll be released. It isn't a situation where he can earn any rewards. What do I say to him? I want him to learn a lesson- he needs to and nobody wishes he could suddenly change any more than me. I told him he should write a letter to the judge prior to court. Did he do it? No. He couldn't stand the thought of the judge, or worse, the whole court, hearing how he felt. What is he doing now in juvy- writing a letter to the judge. It's a typical "learned my lesson, I'm sorry, will never do it again" letter. Will he let out any of the part of him that REALLY is hurting or suffering or sorry? No. So, what can I advise him as his mother? I hurt for him when I see him genuinely hurting and sorry for what he has done. But I don't see any real lessons being taught or learned here. Suggestions?